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Old 01-02-2018, 01:15 AM   #13271
effCup
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When the Prisons Dept. was renamed the Dept. of Corrections, all the pens and pencils had to be let go, leaving them with only twink & erasers.

Then someone invented the paperless office.
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Old 01-08-2018, 02:15 PM   #13272
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My dad never liked me.
When I was young he made me bob for razorblades
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Old 01-12-2018, 12:42 AM   #13273
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Old 01-13-2018, 08:24 PM   #13274
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Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture.
Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period
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Old 01-13-2018, 10:26 PM   #13275
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Started a band called 999 Megabytes.

We haven’t got a gig yet.
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Old 01-14-2018, 12:04 AM   #13276
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I would not say we were poor when i was young but my mother would tell bedtime stories when i was sat on the pot.

I have never worked out how my sisters had two brothers & i only had one.
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Old 01-14-2018, 06:56 AM   #13277
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What did the pirate say when he turned four score years of age?



Ay matey!
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Old 01-14-2018, 07:11 AM   #13278
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I got my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, "Thank you!"

I said, "Don't mention it!"
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Old 01-14-2018, 11:26 AM   #13279
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So I said to my doctor, "Doctor, can you do anything about this steering wheel on my scrotum? It's driving me nuts".
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Old 01-14-2018, 12:25 PM   #13280
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Patient: Doctor!........ Doctor!.........everyone keeps ignoring me.

Doctor: Next.
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