Paging all Wankers

iFluke · May 26th, 2015, 03:02 PM

Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT... and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...afterlife.html

Doesnt say if mutual is haram

As you were - Carry on
x

Estreeter · May 26th, 2015, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iFluke

Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT... and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...afterlife.html

Doesnt say if mutual is haram

As you were - Carry on
x

Did the preacher have any advise on naming the child when born

Willy

**Staffsyeoman** · May 26th, 2015, 03:29 PM

They claim all these centuries of wisdom and insight superior to the Judaeo-Christian tradition (still, they did have a 1400 year lead to catch up..) and come out with this sort of.... tripe. Makes the old claim about hairy palms seem positively scientific and rational by comparison.

And hey, they have to have supply all those virgins at the gates of paradise somehow...

slimOl55 · May 26th, 2015, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iFluke

Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT... and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...afterlife.html

Doesnt say if mutual is haram

As you were - Carry on
x

So they are talking with some experience? WTF!

~~savage560~~ · May 26th, 2015, 04:34 PM

Is it any wonder young men of the Islamic faith want to blow themselves up?
Hell ,the palm can get rid of a lot of frustration, in a storm.When the fish aren't biting, & the "hunt" comes up empty,that palm can be the next best thing to relief.Come on now ,everyone goes through a "dry" spell!

**Wendigo** · May 26th, 2015, 06:03 PM

If you wear gloves is that like wearing a condom? Or does that only prevent hand pregnancies in this life and your hand babies will still be waiting for you when you cross over to the other side?
Maybe he should learn that when faced with a question that can not possibly be answered factually sometimes it's better to keep quiet and let people think you have no clue rather than opening your mouth and leaving no doubt.

Could this explain why some people have 6 fingers

Estreeter · May 26th, 2015, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wendigo

If you wear gloves is that like wearing a condom?

Yep

I found that silk gloves are more arousing also

Leather work style gloves are only good if you're really roughing it

pgpilot · May 26th, 2015, 06:35 PM

Could you get someone else's hand pregnant?

Maybe Abu Hansa cut off his own hands to avoid having to make paternity payments.

Estreeter · May 26th, 2015, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pgpilot

Could you get someone else's hand pregnant?

Maybe Abu Hansa cut off his own hands to avoid having to make paternity payments.

I just had a thought

If ya got your hand pregnant while in the middle east, and really didn't want the child, go and steal something, they'll chop it off and there's the abortion

**Wendigo** · May 26th, 2015, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estreeter

I just had a thought

If ya got your hand pregnant while in the middle east, and really didn't want the child, go and steal something, they'll chop it off and there's the abortion

What if you lose a hand in an accident and have a hand transplant from someone who has not completed the donor form properly and declared if they have ever masturbated? Do you take responsibility for their hand babies if you cross over or not?
It's this type of pseudo religious nonsense that many faiths need to address and should be buried in the past as it has no place in the modern age.

Maybe the new motto should be
If you beat it you can't join them

May 26th, 2015, 03:02 PM	#1
iFluke Member Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 32 Thanks: 1,067 Thanked 265 Times in 27 Posts	Paging all Wankers Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT... and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife.. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...afterlife.html Doesnt say if mutual is haram As you were - Carry on x

May 26th, 2015, 04:34 PM	#5
~~savage560~~ Banned! Join Date: May 2008 Location: the south US near the west from Chicagoland born in the USA,just like the song says! Posts: 3,719 Thanks: 13,008 Thanked 24,480 Times in 3,630 Posts	Is it any wonder young men of the Islamic faith want to blow themselves up? Hell ,the palm can get rid of a lot of frustration, in a storm.When the fish aren't biting, & the "hunt" comes up empty,that palm can be the next best thing to relief.Come on now ,everyone goes through a "dry" spell! Last edited by savage560; May 26th, 2015 at 04:59 PM..

May 26th, 2015, 06:03 PM	#6
Wendigo Former Staff Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Blighty Posts: 113,801 Thanks: 259,910 Thanked 1,139,498 Times in 113,922 Posts	If you wear gloves is that like wearing a condom? Or does that only prevent hand pregnancies in this life and your hand babies will still be waiting for you when you cross over to the other side? Maybe he should learn that when faced with a question that can not possibly be answered factually sometimes it's better to keep quiet and let people think you have no clue rather than opening your mouth and leaving no doubt. Could this explain why some people have 6 fingers __________________ RIP Doctor Who To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 23 November 1963 to 25 December 2017, sacrificed on the altar of identity politics. The show is dead to me, but my DVD's live on If you can re-up dead links please consider adding this to your signature. It helps when looking at reports of dead posts. Please PM me re any dead images although it is likely if it is outside Celebs I may no longer have the content

May 26th, 2015, 03:29 PM	#3
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,269 Thanks: 34,183 Thanked 26,758 Times in 2,160 Posts	They claim all these centuries of wisdom and insight superior to the Judaeo-Christian tradition (still, they did have a 1400 year lead to catch up..) and come out with this sort of.... tripe. Makes the old claim about hairy palms seem positively scientific and rational by comparison. And hey, they have to have supply all those virgins at the gates of paradise somehow...

May 26th, 2015, 06:35 PM	#8
pgpilot Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 69 Thanks: 358 Thanked 858 Times in 60 Posts	Could you get someone else's hand pregnant? Maybe Abu Hansa cut off his own hands to avoid having to make paternity payments.