Post your corny jokes - Page 1247

**anothercustom** · June 26th, 2017, 05:47 PM

My wife suggested I should get myself a penis enlarger. So I did. She's 21 and her name is Sophia.

petvictor · June 27th, 2017, 01:19 PM

I went to a Robbie Williams concert last night,I was sitting next to a Insurance Salesman he was very annoying,,,Cos through it all he offered me Protection,,,,

**bp666** · June 27th, 2017, 08:22 PM

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint...and a mop.

**bloke57** · June 27th, 2017, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bp666

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint...and a mop.

...and he's been ribbed by his mates ever since.

**gmcbee** · June 27th, 2017, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloke57

...and he's been ribbed by his mates ever since.

I find that humerus.
Make no bones about it!

**anothercustom** · June 27th, 2017, 10:32 PM

How to speak Irish:

Whale

Oil

Beef

Hooked

Say them all quickly.

**ManofKent** · June 28th, 2017, 12:37 PM

"Uri Geller. Now there's a man surprisingly hard to stab!"

(Gary Delaney).

**anothercustom** · June 28th, 2017, 10:18 PM

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long if you're a fat bastard.

**photoflex** · June 29th, 2017, 01:32 PM

- Hello! Gordon's Pizza?
- No sir, it is Google Pizza.
- So, I have the wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's Pizza.
- OK. Take my order please...
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? How do you know me?
- According to your caller ID, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage, thick crust ...
- OK! OK! That's it.
- Sir, may I suggest to you this time ricotta cheese, arugula with sun-dried tomatoes?
- No, I hate vegetables.
- But your cholesterol is high!
- How do you know?
- Through the Lab subscriber's guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I want my regular pizza, I already take medicine.
- But sir, you have not taken your medicine regularly. Four months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at DrugSale Network.
- I bought more from another drugstore.
- It is not showing on your credit card.
- I paid in cash.
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement.
- I have other sources of cash.
- This is not showing on your last Income-Tax return, unless you got it from an undeclared source.
- WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, FaceBook, Twitter, WhatsApp.
I'm going to an Island without Wi-Fi or internet.
Where there are no cell phones or satellites to spy on me.
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport, as it has expired 5 weeks ago!

**ball7** · June 29th, 2017, 11:30 PM

I once had a girlfriend...

BTW Have you seen her, I think she might have escaped from my cellar.

June 29th, 2017, 01:32 PM	#12469
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,926 Thanked 127,786 Times in 3,570 Posts	- Hello! Gordon's Pizza? - No sir, it is Google Pizza. - So, I have the wrong number? - No sir, Google bought Gordon's Pizza. - OK. Take my order please... - Well sir, you want the usual? - The usual? How do you know me? - According to your caller ID, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage, thick crust ... - OK! OK! That's it. - Sir, may I suggest to you this time ricotta cheese, arugula with sun-dried tomatoes? - No, I hate vegetables. - But your cholesterol is high! - How do you know? - Through the Lab subscriber's guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years. - Okay, but I want my regular pizza, I already take medicine. - But sir, you have not taken your medicine regularly. Four months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at DrugSale Network. - I bought more from another drugstore. - It is not showing on your credit card. - I paid in cash. - But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement. - I have other sources of cash. - This is not showing on your last Income-Tax return, unless you got it from an undeclared source. - WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, FaceBook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without Wi-Fi or internet. Where there are no cell phones or satellites to spy on me. - I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport, as it has expired 5 weeks ago! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

June 26th, 2017, 05:47 PM	#12461
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,777 Times in 5,161 Posts	My wife suggested I should get myself a penis enlarger. So I did. She's 21 and her name is Sophia.

June 27th, 2017, 01:19 PM	#12462
petvictor Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 56 Thanks: 1,012 Thanked 701 Times in 50 Posts	I went to a Robbie Williams concert last night,I was sitting next to a Insurance Salesman he was very annoying,,,Cos through it all he offered me Protection,,,,

June 27th, 2017, 08:22 PM	#12463
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,546 Thanked 14,184 Times in 1,074 Posts	A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint...and a mop.

June 27th, 2017, 10:32 PM	#12466
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,777 Times in 5,161 Posts	How to speak Irish: Whale Oil Beef Hooked Say them all quickly.

June 28th, 2017, 12:37 PM	#12467
ManofKent Vintage Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: U.K Posts: 1,130 Thanks: 10,125 Thanked 13,833 Times in 1,113 Posts	"Uri Geller. Now there's a man surprisingly hard to stab!" (Gary Delaney).

June 28th, 2017, 10:18 PM	#12468
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,777 Times in 5,161 Posts	Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long if you're a fat bastard.

June 29th, 2017, 11:30 PM	#12470
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,693 Thanks: 66,291 Thanked 210,005 Times in 15,733 Posts	I once had a girlfriend... BTW Have you seen her, I think she might have escaped from my cellar.