Post your corny jokes - Page 319

**Jeff Vader** · December 28th, 2011, 07:17 AM

Dear santa, since you don't need it anymore, please can i have your list of naughty girls?

leinad27 · December 28th, 2011, 03:00 PM

What were Luke's first words to his jedi master?

Master Yoda would you like a soda? Hmm, drink

I will young jedi.

**Mal Hombre** · December 28th, 2011, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Vader

The Ventriloquists' Guild have responded with positive reviews for my new book "CPR for Dummies."

They were very tight lipped when I suggested that...

**Jeff Vader** · December 28th, 2011, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Vader
The Ventriloquists' Guild have responded with positive reviews for my new book "CPR for Dummies."
They were very tight lipped when I suggested that...

I woke up to find a Boeing 747 crashed on my front lawn this morning. That'll teach me to leave the landing light on.

**Eric Cartman** · December 28th, 2011, 04:42 PM

A student in a science class wrote, "The universe is a
giant orgasm" (instead of organism). At the end of the
student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives
new meaning to the Big Bang Theory."

All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived
peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses,
hotels, and condoms.

Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute
in France.

Men are mammals and women are femammals.

Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to
science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath,
you expire.

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. Artifical
insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look
like umbrellas. A permanent set of teeth consists of
eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German. Rhubarb: A kind
of celery gone bloodshot. Vacuum: A large, empty space
where the pope lives.

**Jeff Vader** · December 28th, 2011, 04:58 PM

What do you call a man with a family of rabbits up his bum?

Warren.

**karloschaos** · December 28th, 2011, 08:08 PM

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the crash and we were unable to find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1000 an inch." The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?" "I have," says the man. "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor. "We're having granite worktops."

**Jeff Vader** · December 28th, 2011, 08:26 PM

I've bought the girlfriend a prosthetic foot for Christmas. It's not her main present, it's just a stocking filler......

**gedly** · December 28th, 2011, 10:54 PM

Anybody know about a porn movie with road sweepers? I believe it's called Big Knobs and Broomsticks.

**cuzzyman927** · December 29th, 2011, 12:56 AM

A new soap opera soon to debut on cable here in the States will feature an entire cast consisting of females under the age of twelve and it will be called "The Young and The Breastless'.

December 28th, 2011, 07:17 AM	#3181
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	Dear santa, since you don't need it anymore, please can i have your list of naughty girls? __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

December 28th, 2011, 03:00 PM	#3182
leinad27 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 141 Thanks: 75 Thanked 1,046 Times in 120 Posts	Star Wars trivia What were Luke's first words to his jedi master? Master Yoda would you like a soda? Hmm, drink I will young jedi.

December 28th, 2011, 04:42 PM	#3185
Eric Cartman Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: The streets of Butter Nuts, New York. Posts: 11,082 Thanks: 97,294 Thanked 435,158 Times in 14,497 Posts	Actual Answers From High School Test Papers A student in a science class wrote, "The universe is a giant orgasm" (instead of organism). At the end of the student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang Theory." All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels, and condoms. Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France. Men are mammals and women are femammals. Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones. Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

December 28th, 2011, 04:58 PM	#3186
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	What do you call a man with a family of rabbits up his bum? Warren. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

December 28th, 2011, 08:26 PM	#3188
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	I've bought the girlfriend a prosthetic foot for Christmas. It's not her main present, it's just a stocking filler...... __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

December 28th, 2011, 08:08 PM	#3187
karloschaos Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: East Yorkshire Posts: 748 Thanks: 7,982 Thanked 8,832 Times in 687 Posts	A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the crash and we were unable to find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1000 an inch." The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?" "I have," says the man. "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor. "We're having granite worktops."

December 28th, 2011, 10:54 PM	#3189
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,903 Thanked 69,345 Times in 3,173 Posts	Anybody know about a porn movie with road sweepers? I believe it's called Big Knobs and Broomsticks.

December 29th, 2011, 12:56 AM	#3190
cuzzyman927 Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Down at the "Y" Posts: 33,073 Thanks: 390,390 Thanked 1,111,736 Times in 36,682 Posts	A new soap opera soon to debut on cable here in the States will feature an entire cast consisting of females under the age of twelve and it will be called "The Young and The Breastless'.