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December 14th, 2018, 10:40 AM | #71 |
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Me: Please don't hijack my retirement ceremony... I'd like a say in the planning. Please undo what you've done behind my back. It's embarrassing and my guests won't be amused...
Spouse: Shut up! How Dare You Question What I've Done Behind Your Back! You're snooping! You're being unreasonable! Fine! Go ahead and ruin everyone's fun! [you can't win...] |
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December 14th, 2018, 10:49 AM | #72 |
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Yes you can, all you need to do is think like a female almost impossible for a normal male but always worth a shot
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December 14th, 2018, 10:59 AM | #73 | |
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Quote:
That one's very popular with her |
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December 14th, 2018, 11:11 AM | #74 | |
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Years and years back I recall one, one of the first times I went to her place and she made a spectacular Veal Schnitzel dinner for me, thought I'd be nice and do the washing after we had dinner ......... apparently after washing the dishes and giving them a rinse is better done placed in a sink of cold water rather then running them under the tap Makes zero difference to me, I said that but she insisted it was better her way. I dropped it there as anything I said was gonna be wrong.
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December 16th, 2018, 09:13 AM | #75 |
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Offered a friend a bacon roll and she refused because it was nearly noon and she was going to have lunch with her mother. I may be stupid but I am not stupid so I made her one anyway and wrapped it in foil for her to eat later. She ate it on the bus on the way to lunch, thus ruining her diet and obviously all my fault. Next time I will make her two.
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December 25th, 2018, 01:33 PM | #76 |
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So she gets a massive box of chocs to be shared with her daughter and she ate the fucking lot. I kept my big mouth shut about my bacon roll sabotaging her diet thus avoiding absurd argument.
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December 31st, 2018, 04:20 PM | #77 |
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Tomorrow the fair ones start their diets; how long before they fuck up and blame......guess who?
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January 6th, 2019, 02:28 PM | #78 |
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She told me
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February 18th, 2019, 02:31 AM | #79 |
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Three-part backstory to this lovely incident from about 20 years ago.
1. Fatty Arbuckle was a film comedian in the 1920s. His career was derailed by Hollywood's first great sex scandal. He was accused of murdering a girl named Virginia Rappe, gossiped about endlessly, and eventually acquitted. 2. The first Mrs. Soup had this grandmother who was apparently like the stereotypical old European matriarch who had an opinion on everything, whose word was law, and who knew all the dirt and the Real Secret History behind all the stories about politicians and celebrities that ...THEY... wouldn't tell you. This beast died before I came along, but since her word was law, I sure heard about her. 3. DC Comics used to have a line called Paradox Press that published these wonderfully fun "Big Books" in the 1990s, starting with the very successful The Big Book of Urban Legends and later incorporating Conspiracies, The Unexplained, The 70s, and so on. Each book was about 200 pages long, trade paperback size, and full of 1-6 page witty and fun stories by dozens of comic writers and artists about the book's subject. So, I had bought the latest Big Book. It was called The Big Book of Scandal, and it was awesome, and really funny. And the first Mrs. Soup was reading it and stopped with a frown. "This is wrong," she said. "This Fatty Arbuckle story is wrong." And she went on to explain that Fatty Arbuckle had killed Virginia Rappe. "That's part of the story you just read," I said, "how there were all these rumors and gossip and stories about that, usually involving raping her with a broken Coke bottle or some such bullshit. None of it was true." "My grandmother said he killed her," she replied. "Your grandmother was wrong," I said. That woman could go from zero to earthquake in one word. I knew that. But this was twisted beyond "Everyone has an opinion on whether OJ Simpson did it or not, but we all agree that he was found not guilty." The woman honestly believed that Fatty Arbuckle was convicted and died in prison. Her grandmother supposedly knew somebody who knew Virginia Rappe and had this twisted misunderstanding of the Arbuckle case where he was found guilty, and so therefore anything contrary to that was either mistaken or a coverup. I withdrew before this one got really ugly, but she was mad at me for weeks for disrespecting her grandmother. This was possibly 1998, and a friend pointed out that this might have been the first fight anybody had ever had about Fatty Arbuckle in sixty years.
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May 9th, 2019, 06:38 AM | #80 |
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New female friend. A stew swimming with fat and large lumps of lamb
Me: Wossat? She: vegetable soup Me: But its got great big lumps of lamb in it and its swimming in fat She: thats how I make vegetable soup Me: So they plant lambs as tiny seeds and water them.......... she is laughing at this point but will not back down about ingredients. As I have stated before, I may be stupid but I am not stupid so I walked away |
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