Post your corny jokes - Page 720

**retroanalyst** · December 8th, 2013, 06:59 PM

I normally get my wife shit Christmas presents, but this year I've found her wish list:

bread
eggs
milk
toilet paper
bacon
potatoes

**rondori** · December 8th, 2013, 09:14 PM

Hello, is this the Navajo Police?" "Yes. How can I help you?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Joe Begay. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir"
The next day, the Navajo Police officers descended on Joe 's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood but found no marijuana. They swore at Joe and left.
The phone rang at Joe's house. "Hey, Joe! Did the Navajo Police come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah..."
"Happy Birthday, Shi-Bro!"

**photoflex** · December 8th, 2013, 11:21 PM

"Dear Abby,
I'm very worried.
I know it is statistically unlikely to have two homosexuals in one family,
but I need to know whether I'm reading the signals right.
Could it be possible that both my dads are gay?"

henry_fellows · December 9th, 2013, 04:53 PM

No offence meant, but I think your answer might be wrong,

were (wûr; unstressed wuhr) v.
1. a 2nd pers. sing. past indic.; 1st, 2nd,
and 3rd pers. pl. past indic.; and past
subj. of BE.
[bef. 1000; ME; OE wære past subj., wære past ind.
2nd pers. sing. and wæron past ind. pl. of wesan
to be; cf. WAS]
Usage. See SUBJUNCTIVE.
we're (weer)
1. contraction of we are.

So singular would be "was"

so

I was a werewolf, but I am alright Noooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww

Quote:

Originally Posted by retroanalyst

What's the singular of 'werewolves'?

'I'm a wolf'

henry_fellows · December 9th, 2013, 05:00 PM

MY name is "nough."

I am a fairy,

Fairy Nough.

henry_fellows · December 9th, 2013, 05:05 PM

Somewhat crude, prudes don’t read.

This should be sung in a boy soprano voice with a deeply religious melodic sound:

As I was walking through a wood.
I sh*t myself, I knew I would,
I cried for help, but no help came,
And so I sh*t myself again.

MaxJoker · December 9th, 2013, 05:06 PM

Show me a man brave enough to call himself a vegetarian,

And i'll show you a man who's willing to pretend to be so, just long enough to make a big boobed female one of the species finally swallow some meat.

henry_fellows · December 9th, 2013, 05:12 PM

The Vicar and the Woods

Spoken with Gusto:

To the woods, to the woods
But I don’t want to go to the woods
To the woods To the woods
I’m only 13!!
Who’s superstitious?’ To the woods to the woods
My mother won’t like it.
Your mothers not getting it To the woods, to the woods.
But what about the vicar
I am the vicar, to the woods, to the woods.

If you eat pussy does that make you a
Cannibal

Or would you be an

Animal Cannibal

dazza2 · December 9th, 2013, 07:20 PM

How to work out your 'pay rise' name!!!

Take your first name, followed by your second name and add M.P. at the end

Bastards!

**gedly** · December 9th, 2013, 09:44 PM

My mate in the pub said to me today "I saw your missus in the sex shop the other day". "What was she doing there?" I asked . "On the front cover of Horny 40s", he replied.

December 8th, 2013, 06:59 PM	#7191
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 121,979 Thanked 47,461 Times in 3,337 Posts	I normally get my wife shit Christmas presents, but this year I've found her wish list: bread eggs milk toilet paper bacon potatoes __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

December 8th, 2013, 09:14 PM	#7192
rondori Vintage Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: New Mexico Posts: 561 Thanks: 36,148 Thanked 14,025 Times in 536 Posts	Hello, is this the Navajo Police?" "Yes. How can I help you?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Joe Begay. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir" The next day, the Navajo Police officers descended on Joe 's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood but found no marijuana. They swore at Joe and left. The phone rang at Joe's house. "Hey, Joe! Did the Navajo Police come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah..." "Happy Birthday, Shi-Bro!" __________________ I'm OK, you're UKE: all cultures are multicultural, all races are multiracial. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 8th, 2013, 11:21 PM	#7193
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,920 Thanked 127,769 Times in 3,570 Posts	"Dear Abby, I'm very worried. I know it is statistically unlikely to have two homosexuals in one family, but I need to know whether I'm reading the signals right. Could it be possible that *both* my dads are gay?" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

December 9th, 2013, 05:00 PM	#7195
henry_fellows Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Philippines Posts: 133 Thanks: 2,613 Thanked 2,507 Times in 112 Posts	Fair Enough MY name is "nough." I am a fairy, Fairy Nough.

December 9th, 2013, 05:05 PM	#7196
henry_fellows Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Philippines Posts: 133 Thanks: 2,613 Thanked 2,507 Times in 112 Posts	Some what crude - prudes do not read Somewhat crude, prudes don’t read. This should be sung in a boy soprano voice with a deeply religious melodic sound: As I was walking through a wood. I sht myself, I knew I would, I cried for help, but no help came, And so I sht myself again.

December 9th, 2013, 05:06 PM	#7197
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,513 Times in 69,067 Posts	Show me a man brave enough to call himself a vegetarian, And i'll show you a man who's willing to pretend to be so, just long enough to make a big boobed female one of the species finally swallow some meat. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 9th, 2013, 05:12 PM	#7198
henry_fellows Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Philippines Posts: 133 Thanks: 2,613 Thanked 2,507 Times in 112 Posts	2 the woods with the vicar The Vicar and the Woods Spoken with Gusto: To the woods, to the woods But I don’t want to go to the woods To the woods To the woods I’m only 13!! Who’s superstitious?’ To the woods to the woods My mother won’t like it. Your mothers not getting it To the woods, to the woods. But what about the vicar I am the vicar, to the woods, to the woods. If you eat pussy does that make you a Cannibal Or would you be an Animal Cannibal

December 9th, 2013, 07:20 PM	#7199
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,853 Times in 189 Posts	How to work out your 'pay rise' name!!! Take your first name, followed by your second name and add M.P. at the end Bastards!

December 9th, 2013, 09:44 PM	#7200
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,306 Times in 3,171 Posts	My mate in the pub said to me today "I saw your missus in the sex shop the other day". "What was she doing there?" I asked . "On the front cover of Horny 40s", he replied.

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