Post your corny jokes - Page 278

BLUEDINGO · November 21st, 2011, 08:36 AM

Q: What do you call a female clown?
A: A clunt.

Q: How do you know you're a hillbilly?
A: You tell your 12 year old daughter to stop smoking in front of her kids.

Q: Why does a dick feel so troubled?
A: It's got an eye that can't see, a head without a brain, two balls that don't bounce and it's best friend goes from one extremity to another -in either being a smelly pussy or a stuck up cunt!

And as a passing thought, my dad used to drive so slowly, that when we were on the highway, Amish people gave us the finger as they passed us...

**sweatyhat** · November 21st, 2011, 10:49 AM

Did you hear about the tourism industry in Pakistan?
It is booming.

BBC News - Warning over child poverty in UK
Also on the BBC News -'Millions more' cars to hit roads
Problem solved.

My wife ran away with our window cleaner.
What am I gonna do now? I can't climb ladders at my age

Woke up with a burning sensation in my left side of my face this morning and thought I was having a stroke.
Turns out my five year old figured out how the lighter works.

I'm definitely getting slower in my old age.
My wife asked me to help her move some furniture about and it took me twenty minutes to think of an excuse.

**Jeff Vader** · November 21st, 2011, 03:14 PM

I found a way to combine wine making and cattle farming.
I herd it through the grapevine.

emexem · November 21st, 2011, 04:25 PM

Scotsman says to this bird that hes taken to the cinema

"Would you like some sweets?"

"Yes" she says.

Comes back shortly and hands her two penny caramels.

Bird says "You mean cunt!"

Scotsman says " Aye I do, but later.

-----------------------------------------------------

first welshman says to the second welshman "Dont fancy ewes much".*

* apologies to sweatyhat for the racial stereotyping.
l

emexem · November 21st, 2011, 04:54 PM

Little lad out with his dad steps on a butterfly.

Sorry son says his dad, that's no butter for a week.

Later the little lad swats a honey bee.

You've done in now son, says the dad, that means no honey for a week.

Later still they are back home and the mother treads on a cockroach.

Will you tell her or will I?, says the little boy.

**TCO95** · November 21st, 2011, 10:09 PM

What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a Goodyear.

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!

**cuzzyman927** · November 21st, 2011, 11:09 PM

Q: What's the difference between a pile of shit and a home cooked meal?

A: If you don't know then never invite me to your house for supper!

Q: What kind of wood doesn't float?

A: Natalie Wood

Q: How many Guineas does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

sesamus · November 22nd, 2011, 01:34 AM

Several Policemen were injured when their Landrover crashed into a tree near Belfast. A PSNI spokesman said they're trying to find out which paramilitary organisation planted it.

**keefriff** · November 22nd, 2011, 01:47 AM

An old Chinese couple who owned and operated a restraraunt are fooling around in bed one night and the husband says to the wife:

"I want 69."

She replies: "Why you want chicken and pea pods now?!"

**cuzzyman927** · November 22nd, 2011, 02:43 AM

One day little Johnny and little Susie were playing a game of compare body parts.
Little Johnny says to Susie, I have two eyes ... and little Susie says, so do I.
Little Johnny says to Susie, I have two ears ... little Susie says, so do I.
Little Johnny says to Susie, I have a nose and two nostrils ... and Susie says, so do I.
Now little Johnny is getting aggravated and he says to himself, I'm not gonna get shown up by a girl. I know, I'll fix her ass and I'll show her!
So little Johnny pulls down his pants and he says to Susie, Well, I've got one of these!
So little Susie pulls up her dress and pulls down her underwear and says, Oh yeah?! Well, I've got one of these, and with one of these I can get all I want of those!!

November 21st, 2011, 08:36 AM	#2771
BLUEDINGO Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: TRIGGS, WEST AUSTRALIA Posts: 557 Thanks: 14,092 Thanked 6,429 Times in 538 Posts	Q: What do you call a female clown? A: A clunt. Q: How do you know you're a hillbilly? A: You tell your 12 year old daughter to stop smoking in front of her kids. Q: Why does a dick feel so troubled? A: It's got an eye that can't see, a head without a brain, two balls that don't bounce and it's best friend goes from one extremity to another -in either being a smelly pussy or a stuck up cunt! And as a passing thought, my dad used to drive so slowly, that when we were on the highway, Amish people gave us the finger as they passed us... __________________ And to quote 'Silence Of The Lambs' Buffalo Bill: "It rubs the lotion on the skin -or else it gets the hose again!"

November 21st, 2011, 10:49 AM	#2772
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,913 Times in 10,563 Posts	Did you hear about the tourism industry in Pakistan? It is booming. BBC News - Warning over child poverty in UK Also on the BBC News -'Millions more' cars to hit roads Problem solved. My wife ran away with our window cleaner. What am I gonna do now? I can't climb ladders at my age Woke up with a burning sensation in my left side of my face this morning and thought I was having a stroke. Turns out my five year old figured out how the lighter works. I'm definitely getting slower in my old age. My wife asked me to help her move some furniture about and it took me twenty minutes to think of an excuse. __________________

November 21st, 2011, 03:14 PM	#2773
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	I found a way to combine wine making and cattle farming. I herd it through the grapevine. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 21st, 2011, 04:25 PM	#2774
emexem Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Youthenasia Posts: 296 Thanks: 13,665 Thanked 7,270 Times in 289 Posts	Scotsman says to this bird that hes taken to the cinema "Would you like some sweets?" "Yes" she says. Comes back shortly and hands her two penny caramels. Bird says "You mean cunt!" Scotsman says " Aye I do, but later. ----------------------------------------------------- first welshman says to the second welshman "Dont fancy ewes much".* * apologies to sweatyhat for the racial stereotyping. l Last edited by emexem; November 21st, 2011 at 08:44 PM..

November 21st, 2011, 04:54 PM	#2775
emexem Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Youthenasia Posts: 296 Thanks: 13,665 Thanked 7,270 Times in 289 Posts	Little lad out with his dad steps on a butterfly. Sorry son says his dad, that's no butter for a week. Later the little lad swats a honey bee. You've done in now son, says the dad, that means no honey for a week. Later still they are back home and the mother treads on a cockroach. Will you tell her or will I?, says the little boy. Last edited by emexem; November 23rd, 2011 at 05:48 AM..

November 21st, 2011, 10:09 PM	#2776
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,804 Times in 5,130 Posts	What do you do with a years worth of used condoms? Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a Goodyear. What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus!

November 21st, 2011, 11:09 PM	#2777
cuzzyman927 Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Down at the "Y" Posts: 33,073 Thanks: 390,390 Thanked 1,111,432 Times in 36,682 Posts	Q: What's the difference between a pile of shit and a home cooked meal? A: If you don't know then never invite me to your house for supper! Q: What kind of wood doesn't float? A: Natalie Wood Q: How many Guineas does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

November 22nd, 2011, 01:34 AM	#2778
sesamus Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 72 Thanks: 297 Thanked 915 Times in 66 Posts	Several Policemen were injured when their Landrover crashed into a tree near Belfast. A PSNI spokesman said they're trying to find out which paramilitary organisation planted it.

November 22nd, 2011, 01:47 AM	#2779
keefriff Torn and Frayed Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: The 612 Posts: 7,025 Thanks: 79,624 Thanked 131,638 Times in 5,993 Posts	An old Chinese couple who owned and operated a restraraunt are fooling around in bed one night and the husband says to the wife: "I want 69." She replies: "Why you want chicken and pea pods now?!" __________________ You Can't Always Get What You Want But If You Follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. You Just Might Find You Get What You Need To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 22nd, 2011, 02:43 AM	#2780
cuzzyman927 Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Down at the "Y" Posts: 33,073 Thanks: 390,390 Thanked 1,111,432 Times in 36,682 Posts	One day little Johnny and little Susie were playing a game of compare body parts. Little Johnny says to Susie, I have two eyes ... and little Susie says, so do I. Little Johnny says to Susie, I have two ears ... little Susie says, so do I. Little Johnny says to Susie, I have a nose and two nostrils ... and Susie says, so do I. Now little Johnny is getting aggravated and he says to himself, I'm not gonna get shown up by a girl. I know, I'll fix her ass and I'll show her! So little Johnny pulls down his pants and he says to Susie, Well, I've got one of these! So little Susie pulls up her dress and pulls down her underwear and says, Oh yeah?! Well, I've got one of these, and with one of these I can get all I want of those!!

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