Post your corny jokes - Page 1282

**rosestone** · November 17th, 2017, 12:05 PM

How do you know how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

captain fanta · November 17th, 2017, 08:06 PM

My wife is getting fed up with my premature ejaculation... She took it on the chin at first but now it's just gets on her tits.

**gedly** · November 17th, 2017, 09:56 PM

Calendars? I'd say their days are numbered.

**Mal Hombre** · November 17th, 2017, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

Calendars? I'd say their days are numbered.

They're certainly very dated..

**les1917lie** · November 18th, 2017, 07:49 AM

Two american guys were visiting Cambridge when they encountered two university dons and one of them asked "Can you tell where King's College is at?"
The dons looked at each other and one replied " I could not possibly answer a question that ends with a preposition".
The american guy thought for a moment and then said "Can you tell where King's College is at arsehole?"....

**ball7** · November 18th, 2017, 10:59 AM

Warwick Davis once worked in a nudist connoly, but was sacked for sticking his nose in other peoples buisness

**blondifan** · November 19th, 2017, 08:36 AM

A wealthy Texan oil tycoon made his way to Ireland one day, as he walked into an Irish pub there he made a declaration to all them that were in the room. He pulled out a wad of five-thousand dollars in cash and placed it on the bar. He said, " I hear you Irish can drink, so I put to you the challenge that not one of y'all can drink five hundred shots back to back. If you pull it off I'll give you this here five thousand dollars."
The room grew quiet and no one made a sound. At first it appeared that perhaps one man would accept the challenge but he rose to his feet and swiftly walked out. The Texan smiled to himself thinking he had won his bet though about a half hour later the same Irish man who had gone out earlier walked back into the pub and back up to the bar. He placed his money on the bar next to the Texan's stack of bills and said. "Alright, I'll take your bet!"
The bartender lined up five hundred shots of whiskey and sure enough the Irish man swallowed them down in record time.
The Texan tipped back his hat and handed the challenger his winnings, as he did so he asked him. "Say, outta curiosity, where'd you go for that half hour?"
The Irish man laughed then replied, "Oh that! I went to the bar across the street to see if I could really do it first!"

**anothercustom** · November 20th, 2017, 08:56 AM

My wife says I don't satisfy her anymore. Probably because I'm her husband, not a cake shop.

**anothercustom** · November 20th, 2017, 08:57 AM

Good news for insomniacs! Only 8 sleeps until Christmas!

**anothercustom** · November 20th, 2017, 10:40 AM

Next week I'm going to record the X Factor & watch it an hour later. That way I can fast forward through the shit & just watch the adverts.

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November 17th, 2017, 12:05 PM	#12811
rosestone Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 2,256 Thanks: 79,772 Thanked 37,954 Times in 2,261 Posts	How do you know how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

November 17th, 2017, 08:06 PM	#12812
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,751 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	My wife is getting fed up with my premature ejaculation... She took it on the chin at first but now it's just gets on her tits.

November 17th, 2017, 09:56 PM	#12813
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,304 Times in 3,171 Posts	Calendars? I'd say their days are numbered.

November 18th, 2017, 07:49 AM	#12815
les1917lie Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,404 Thanks: 7,257 Thanked 89,205 Times in 2,404 Posts	Two american guys were visiting Cambridge when they encountered two university dons and one of them asked "Can you tell where King's College is at?" The dons looked at each other and one replied " I could not possibly answer a question that ends with a preposition". The american guy thought for a moment and then said "Can you tell where King's College is at arsehole?"....

November 18th, 2017, 10:59 AM	#12816
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,690 Thanks: 66,280 Thanked 209,976 Times in 15,730 Posts	Warwick Davis once worked in a nudist connoly, but was sacked for sticking his nose in other peoples buisness

November 19th, 2017, 08:36 AM	#12817
blondifan Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,406 Thanks: 54,998 Thanked 60,209 Times in 4,401 Posts	A wealthy Texan oil tycoon made his way to Ireland one day, as he walked into an Irish pub there he made a declaration to all them that were in the room. He pulled out a wad of five-thousand dollars in cash and placed it on the bar. He said, " I hear you Irish can drink, so I put to you the challenge that not one of y'all can drink five hundred shots back to back. If you pull it off I'll give you this here five thousand dollars." The room grew quiet and no one made a sound. At first it appeared that perhaps one man would accept the challenge but he rose to his feet and swiftly walked out. The Texan smiled to himself thinking he had won his bet though about a half hour later the same Irish man who had gone out earlier walked back into the pub and back up to the bar. He placed his money on the bar next to the Texan's stack of bills and said. "Alright, I'll take your bet!" The bartender lined up five hundred shots of whiskey and sure enough the Irish man swallowed them down in record time. The Texan tipped back his hat and handed the challenger his winnings, as he did so he asked him. "Say, outta curiosity, where'd you go for that half hour?" The Irish man laughed then replied, "Oh that! I went to the bar across the street to see if I could really do it first!"

November 20th, 2017, 08:56 AM	#12818
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,747 Times in 5,161 Posts	My wife says I don't satisfy her anymore. Probably because I'm her husband, not a cake shop.

November 20th, 2017, 08:57 AM	#12819
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,747 Times in 5,161 Posts	Good news for insomniacs! Only 8 sleeps until Christmas!

November 20th, 2017, 10:40 AM	#12820
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,747 Times in 5,161 Posts	Next week I'm going to record the X Factor & watch it an hour later. That way I can fast forward through the shit & just watch the adverts.