The Late Late Late Well Out Of Date News Flash Thread ! - Page 12

MaxJoker · June 30th, 2012, 01:00 PM

Professional midget and all round uber talented toothy Tom Cruise is dating almost actress Katie Holmes

In this heroin injecting dead eyed VEF reporters opinion i wouldn`t be surprised if wedding bells weren`t soon a`coming , with a happy ever after ending to follow

Truly has a blatant heterosexual ever looked more unforced of smile and deeply sincere over his feelings ,and in such a totally non-publicity chasing way to

**keefriff** · June 30th, 2012, 11:51 PM

Gaul Times 732 AD

Franks Defeat Moors at Tours

Martel leads the way to huge victory!

Charles Martel commenting after the battle: "It was a huge win for us. A real world changer. What can I say? We gave it a 110% like we do for every battle. All the guys fought hard and today we came out with the victory. I guess the Lord was on our side. I think we now will be able to lead good Christian lives full of peace and harmony. As for the Moors, I think we can safely say that we have seen the last of them and their crazy beliefs."

**TCO95** · July 1st, 2012, 10:51 PM

News of the World
July 01, 1867.

We have learned today that Queen Victoria signed papers granting Canada full self governing Dominion status. Effectively giving the former colony ownership of most of the worlds fresh water, trees, minerals and more than a few beavers. In return England will receive nothing. When the Queen sobered up she asked "I signed the what, giving where to who?" "It's a fair deal." quipped former Scot and current Canadian Prime Minister John A. MacDonald. Many in attendance claim he muttered under his breath "Mary has been avenged." but this could not be confirmed.

Reaction from around the world was mixed. American President Andrew Johnson asked "Didn't we just buy Canada from the Russians?" When informed they had in fact bought Alaska he said "What's the difference they're both full of moose and snow. Now pass me that Jack Daniels."
Alexander II reigning Czar of Russia asked "Didn't we just sell Canada to the Americans?" When informed they had in fact sold Alaska he said "Oh well they're both full of bears and moose turd anyway. Pass the Smirnoff's"

Australians reaction to the news was less than appreciative. "They get full autonomy and loads of resources and we get another boat load of convicts. That's real fair. Thanks for nothing Vicky. Pass the Fosters." French Emperor Napoleon III declared the proud Francophone would never live as subjects under Anglais rule. Shouting for all to hear "I would sooner surrender to Mexico than let that happen." When informed that they had in fact surrendered to Mexico on April 2, 1867 he pitched a fit, grabbed a bottle of Chateaux LaTour and left the party. Not talking to anyone for the rest of the night, not even the chicks.

This country is less than a day old and it has half the world leaders pissed off and the other half drunk. On top of that, when reaching for more typewriter paper, I spilled my KilKenny's. You bastards.

**scoundrel** · July 3rd, 2012, 10:27 PM

Romano-Briton monarch Vortigern announced today that he has signed articles of lasting friendship with Anglo-Saxon tribal leaders Hengist and Horsa...well, King Vortigern has signed, but Hengist just carved a rune on a block of stone. In exchange for a grant of land in the Earldom of Kent, Hengist and Horsa undertake to protect post-Roman Britain from any further European threats and to knock seven bells out of any Romano-Britons nominated for special treatment by Knig Vortigern.

Future generations will profit gratefully from this example of statemanship.

Estreeter · July 4th, 2012, 11:35 AM

Greek soldier Pheidippides ran some 26 miles from a battlefield to the town of Marathon, Pheidippides delivered the momentous message "Niki!" ("victory"), then collapsed and died.

Don't know, I think some idiots just might wanna run 26 miles every 4 years too commemorate that run

**keefriff** · July 4th, 2012, 02:21 PM

July 4th 1776

"I am not concerned one bit with these upstart Yanks. A bunch of disrespectful, ill-mannered hooligans is all they are. We will defeat them and crush their rebellious ways. But more importantly, how come nobody told me this outfit made me look as queer as a three pound note?"

**tygrkhat40** · July 4th, 2012, 03:11 PM

I just heard of the British siege of Fort McHenry near Baltimore. After an all night bombardment, the Americans raised an enormous ensign over the fort. Sensing that the siege had failed, the British sailed away. And I heard part of a poem by some young lawyer who witnessed the engagement from a British ship. Something about the "rockets red glare" or words to that effect. Seemed like a bunch of doggerel to me. I don't think we'll hear much of it again.

**NIN** · July 6th, 2012, 10:42 AM

I'm just gonna throw this in here

MaxJoker · July 6th, 2012, 03:51 PM

Infamous ladies man Edward the 2nd has now arse-ended to the throne ,and all the smelly serfs doth be merry of spirit, although granted also totally penniless and starving to death coughing up blood.
Still at long last we have a monarch in which we can all be proud

This plague suffering VEF reporter was at the scene and saw the whole coronation. I also pre-dick that our rampant rogering King shall soon have sired a handful of handsome heirs
Oh and you can shove a red hot poker up my trade-mans if i`m proven wrong

**Mal Hombre** · July 6th, 2012, 04:23 PM

Good news ! Our Glorious King Richard has secured access for pilgrims to the Holy city of Jerusalem and is coming home.The Lion hearted Monarch sealed the deal with Saracen leader Salah Ah Din and set off for Blighty,Don't expect Him home too soon though as He has opted for the scenic route home.He'll be passing through some of Europe's most beautiful countries including Austria,We're sure that Duke Leopold has forgotten that silly business with His flag and will welcome King Richard with open arms...

June 30th, 2012, 01:00 PM	#111
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	Hold the front page , and my balls !!! Professional midget and all round uber talented toothy Tom Cruise is dating almost actress Katie Holmes In this heroin injecting dead eyed VEF reporters opinion i wouldn`t be surprised if wedding bells weren`t soon a`coming , with a happy ever after ending to follow Truly has a blatant heterosexual ever looked more unforced of smile and deeply sincere over his feelings ,and in such a totally non-publicity chasing way to __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

June 30th, 2012, 11:51 PM	#112
keefriff Torn and Frayed Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: The 612 Posts: 7,025 Thanks: 79,624 Thanked 131,638 Times in 5,993 Posts	Gaul Times 732 AD Franks Defeat Moors at Tours Martel leads the way to huge victory! Charles Martel commenting after the battle: "It was a huge win for us. A real world changer. What can I say? We gave it a 110% like we do for every battle. All the guys fought hard and today we came out with the victory. I guess the Lord was on our side. I think we now will be able to lead good Christian lives full of peace and harmony. As for the Moors, I think we can safely say that we have seen the last of them and their crazy beliefs." __________________ You Can't Always Get What You Want But If You Follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. You Just Might Find You Get What You Need To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 3rd, 2012, 10:27 PM	#114
scoundrel Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: England Posts: 26,237 Thanks: 162,389 Thanked 278,462 Times in 26,182 Posts	Peace in Our Time Romano-Briton monarch Vortigern announced today that he has signed articles of lasting friendship with Anglo-Saxon tribal leaders Hengist and Horsa...well, King Vortigern has signed, but Hengist just carved a rune on a block of stone. In exchange for a grant of land in the Earldom of Kent, Hengist and Horsa undertake to protect post-Roman Britain from any further European threats and to knock seven bells out of any Romano-Britons nominated for special treatment by Knig Vortigern. Future generations will profit gratefully from this example of statemanship. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 4th, 2012, 11:35 AM	#115
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,120 Thanks: 449,724 Thanked 896,798 Times in 60,322 Posts	Greek soldier Pheidippides ran some 26 miles from a battlefield to the town of Marathon, Pheidippides delivered the momentous message "Niki!" ("victory"), then collapsed and died. Don't know, I think some idiots just might wanna run 26 miles every 4 years too commemorate that run __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 4th, 2012, 02:21 PM	#116
keefriff Torn and Frayed Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: The 612 Posts: 7,025 Thanks: 79,624 Thanked 131,638 Times in 5,993 Posts	July 4th 1776 "I am not concerned one bit with these upstart Yanks. A bunch of disrespectful, ill-mannered hooligans is all they are. We will defeat them and crush their rebellious ways. But more importantly, how come nobody told me this outfit made me look as queer as a three pound note?" __________________ You Can't Always Get What You Want But If You Follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. You Just Might Find You Get What You Need To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 1st, 2012, 10:51 PM	#113
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,803 Times in 5,130 Posts	News of the World July 01, 1867. We have learned today that Queen Victoria signed papers granting Canada full self governing Dominion status. Effectively giving the former colony ownership of most of the worlds fresh water, trees, minerals and more than a few beavers. In return England will receive nothing. When the Queen sobered up she asked "I signed the what, giving where to who?" "It's a fair deal." quipped former Scot and current Canadian Prime Minister John A. MacDonald. Many in attendance claim he muttered under his breath "Mary has been avenged." but this could not be confirmed. Reaction from around the world was mixed. American President Andrew Johnson asked "Didn't we just buy Canada from the Russians?" When informed they had in fact bought Alaska he said "What's the difference they're both full of moose and snow. Now pass me that Jack Daniels." Alexander II reigning Czar of Russia asked "Didn't we just sell Canada to the Americans?" When informed they had in fact sold Alaska he said "Oh well they're both full of bears and moose turd anyway. Pass the Smirnoff's" Australians reaction to the news was less than appreciative. "They get full autonomy and loads of resources and we get another boat load of convicts. That's real fair. Thanks for nothing Vicky. Pass the Fosters." French Emperor Napoleon III declared the proud Francophone would never live as subjects under Anglais rule. Shouting for all to hear "I would sooner surrender to Mexico than let that happen." When informed that they had in fact surrendered to Mexico on April 2, 1867 he pitched a fit, grabbed a bottle of Chateaux LaTour and left the party. Not talking to anyone for the rest of the night, not even the chicks. This country is less than a day old and it has half the world leaders pissed off and the other half drunk. On top of that, when reaching for more typewriter paper, I spilled my KilKenny's. You bastards.

July 4th, 2012, 03:11 PM	#117
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 152,528 Times in 9,629 Posts	I just heard of the British siege of Fort McHenry near Baltimore. After an all night bombardment, the Americans raised an enormous ensign over the fort. Sensing that the siege had failed, the British sailed away. And I heard part of a poem by some young lawyer who witnessed the engagement from a British ship. Something about the "rockets red glare" or words to that effect. Seemed like a bunch of doggerel to me. I don't think we'll hear much of it again. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 6th, 2012, 10:42 AM	#118
NIN Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 8,823 Thanks: 200,569 Thanked 131,967 Times in 9,045 Posts	I'm just gonna throw this in here

July 6th, 2012, 03:51 PM	#119
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	Hold the front page , and my piles !! Infamous ladies man Edward the 2nd has now arse-ended to the throne ,and all the smelly serfs doth be merry of spirit, although granted also totally penniless and starving to death coughing up blood. Still at long last we have a monarch in which we can all be proud This plague suffering VEF reporter was at the scene and saw the whole coronation. I also pre-dick that our rampant rogering King shall soon have sired a handful of handsome heirs Oh and you can shove a red hot poker up my trade-mans if i`m proven wrong __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 6th, 2012, 04:23 PM	#120
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,639 Thanked 855,694 Times in 57,565 Posts	Good news ! Our Glorious King Richard has secured access for pilgrims to the Holy city of Jerusalem and is coming home.The Lion hearted Monarch sealed the deal with Saracen leader Salah Ah Din and set off for Blighty,Don't expect Him home too soon though as He has opted for the scenic route home.He'll be passing through some of Europe's most beautiful countries including Austria,We're sure that Duke Leopold has forgotten that silly business with His flag and will welcome King Richard with open arms... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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