Post your corny jokes - Page 711

**Jeff Vader** · November 19th, 2013, 06:22 PM

I've just given a ten minute presentation about underwear to Stephen Hawking.

It was a timed history of briefs.

**Jeff Vader** · November 20th, 2013, 05:57 AM

Some bloke knocked on the door today.
I opened it and he stood there, about 3 ft 3 inches tall.
I said "who are you?" he said
"I'm the meter man"

MaxJoker · November 20th, 2013, 04:02 PM

I got a big shock at the doctors today.

They'd actually updated their magazines in the waiting room to this century.

**photoflex** · November 20th, 2013, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

I got a big shock at the doctors today.
They'd actually updated their magazines in the waiting room to this century.

My doctor hasn't. I'm still reeling about that thing with the Titanic!

**Jeff Vader** · November 21st, 2013, 09:06 PM

Last night my wife found me in the pub, threw a pint over my head, and called me a prick.

Every year she has to go and ruin our wedding anniversary.

**seany65** · November 22nd, 2013, 12:08 AM

Where do do you bury a Mouse?

In a Mouseoleum.

**Jeff Vader** · November 22nd, 2013, 05:45 AM

I would much rather wank than have sex these days.

I'm in prison.

**slisse** · November 22nd, 2013, 11:01 AM

A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully,
"Sir, can you tell me the time?"
The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass." With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him.
He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him.
"Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"
"So what's your hurry," said the friend. "You still have ten minutes."

ajv73 · November 22nd, 2013, 01:44 PM

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

MaxJoker · November 22nd, 2013, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajv73

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

That`s easy for you to say

Invited an American mate to the grand opening of my WW2 themed pub.

He was three years late.

November 19th, 2013, 06:22 PM	#7101
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,019 Times in 6,511 Posts	I've just given a ten minute presentation about underwear to Stephen Hawking. It was a timed history of briefs. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 20th, 2013, 05:57 AM	#7102
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,019 Times in 6,511 Posts	Some bloke knocked on the door today. I opened it and he stood there, about 3 ft 3 inches tall. I said "who are you?" he said "I'm the meter man" __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 20th, 2013, 04:02 PM	#7103
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	I got a big shock at the doctors today. They'd actually updated their magazines in the waiting room to this century. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 21st, 2013, 09:06 PM	#7105
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,019 Times in 6,511 Posts	Last night my wife found me in the pub, threw a pint over my head, and called me a prick. Every year she has to go and ruin our wedding anniversary. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 22nd, 2013, 12:08 AM	#7106
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,651 Thanks: 80,415 Thanked 32,730 Times in 3,527 Posts	Where do do you bury a Mouse? In a Mouseoleum. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

November 22nd, 2013, 05:45 AM	#7107
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,019 Times in 6,511 Posts	I would much rather wank than have sex these days. I'm in prison. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 22nd, 2013, 11:01 AM	#7108
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,518 Times in 2,481 Posts	A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass." With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!" "So what's your hurry," said the friend. "You still have ten minutes." __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

November 22nd, 2013, 01:44 PM	#7109
ajv73 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 215 Thanks: 28 Thanked 1,735 Times in 211 Posts	Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

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