Post your corny jokes - Page 706

**jackpinesavage** · November 8th, 2013, 10:16 PM

There is not a woman alive today that won't crack up over this one!

I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when Making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to soak in a bathtub. I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, grabbed the folded, "clean" washcloth next to the sink, and jumped in the shower for the quickest rinse in history-- using the washcloth to give special attention to the area to be examined. I hardly had time to dry off as I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"!

I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

**retroanalyst** · November 9th, 2013, 12:10 PM

I used to run a campsite for anorexics, but we had to close.

Our members were very thin on the ground.

**Mal Hombre** · November 9th, 2013, 12:19 PM

I used to run a campsite for Sun readers,Our members were extremely thick on the ground...

**HugoHackenbush** · November 9th, 2013, 02:58 PM

What do you call a dinosaur with a large vocabulary?

A Thesaurus.

**Mal Hombre** · November 9th, 2013, 03:02 PM

What do You get if You cross a dinosaur with a extra spicy chilli..?
A Mega sore ass

MaxJoker · November 9th, 2013, 03:05 PM

Bumped into Barry Manilow outside pound land today.

I said sorry to him.

But the guy just looked down his nose at me.

**haymarket** · November 9th, 2013, 03:58 PM

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so they go to the Doctors.
After tests the Doctor suggests Paddy's Wife may be overheating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate Murphy round to waft a towel on them during sex.

After 20 mins of wafting still no orgasm, so Murphy suggests a swap.
"I'll shag her and you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.

Paddy then turns to Murphy and say's

"And that my friend, is how you waft a f*cking towel!!"

Estreeter · November 11th, 2013, 11:43 AM

This bloke walks into a bar.
His mate starts laughin' at him and says

"It's OK mate, I didn't see it either"

**slisse** · November 11th, 2013, 01:55 PM

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."

**slisse** · November 12th, 2013, 12:22 PM

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant.

She is furious...

Here she is –- in the middle of dealing with this Libyan mess -- now this has happened to her!

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:

"You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this ! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault !............

Well, what are you going to do about it..?????

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: “Who’s speaking?”

November 8th, 2013, 10:16 PM	#7051
jackpinesavage Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: My House Posts: 1,778 Thanks: 4,039 Thanked 36,058 Times in 1,765 Posts	The Washcloth There is not a woman alive today that won't crack up over this one! I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when Making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to soak in a bathtub. I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, grabbed the folded, "clean" washcloth next to the sink, and jumped in the shower for the quickest rinse in history-- using the washcloth to give special attention to the area to be examined. I hardly had time to dry off as I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"! I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

November 9th, 2013, 12:10 PM	#7052
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 122,080 Thanked 47,469 Times in 3,337 Posts	I used to run a campsite for anorexics, but we had to close. Our members were very thin on the ground. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

November 9th, 2013, 12:19 PM	#7053
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,184 Thanks: 773,251 Thanked 856,400 Times in 57,615 Posts	I used to run a campsite for Sun readers,Our members were extremely thick on the ground... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 9th, 2013, 02:58 PM	#7054
HugoHackenbush Veteran Marxist Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wherever it's warm Posts: 14,150 Thanks: 206,062 Thanked 337,191 Times in 14,203 Posts	What do you call a dinosaur with a large vocabulary? A Thesaurus. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Just give me your body - I'll give you my brain - it's a fair exchange

November 9th, 2013, 03:02 PM	#7055
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,184 Thanks: 773,251 Thanked 856,400 Times in 57,615 Posts	What do You get if You cross a dinosaur with a extra spicy chilli..? A Mega sore ass __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 9th, 2013, 03:05 PM	#7056
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,896 Times in 69,067 Posts	Bumped into Barry Manilow outside pound land today. I said sorry to him. But the guy just looked down his nose at me. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 9th, 2013, 03:58 PM	#7057
haymarket Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Merseyside U.K Posts: 254 Thanks: 23,548 Thanked 4,549 Times in 253 Posts	Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so they go to the Doctors. After tests the Doctor suggests Paddy's Wife may be overheating during sex. Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate Murphy round to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 mins of wafting still no orgasm, so Murphy suggests a swap. "I'll shag her and you waft the towel." Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever. Paddy then turns to Murphy and say's "And that my friend, is how you waft a fcking towel!!"* __________________ "You ain't seen me, Right!"

November 11th, 2013, 11:43 AM	#7058
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,189 Thanks: 450,173 Thanked 897,595 Times in 60,391 Posts	This bloke walks into a bar. His mate starts laughin' at him and says "It's OK mate, I didn't see it either" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 11th, 2013, 01:55 PM	#7059
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,544 Times in 2,481 Posts	Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish." __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

November 12th, 2013, 12:22 PM	#7060
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,544 Times in 2,481 Posts	Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious... Here she is –- in the middle of dealing with this Libyan mess -- now this has happened to her! She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this ! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault !............ Well, what are you going to do about it..????? There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?" Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: “Who’s speaking?” __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.