Post your corny jokes - Page 1200

**gmcbee** · February 8th, 2017, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estreeter

What do you call an unpredictable camera

Loose Canon

My kid learned to play Pachelbel's Canon in music class.
He likes to call it Taco Bell's Cannon. He's goofy like that.

**Almero** · February 11th, 2017, 06:34 AM

I was invited to a masturbation party.
I replied "Sorry but I will be unable to come".

I may be getting older, but I remember back in my day,
if you took pics of yourself to show all your mates, you were a faggot.

**haymarket** · February 11th, 2017, 10:30 PM

My girlfriend screamed at me when I put it in wrong hole last night..

I accidentally potted the black ball in pool and lost us a hundred quid.

dazza2 · February 12th, 2017, 07:12 PM

burnt my hawaiian pizza last night, reckon it needed to go on an aloha temperature

christ that was dreadful pmsl...

**gedly** · February 12th, 2017, 10:23 PM

You just can't beat a bit of friendly advice from a next door neighbour. I remember my neighbour telling me, "Who in their right mind would break up a patio with a pneumatic drill at 4am in the morning?"

**bloke57** · February 12th, 2017, 11:19 PM

My doctor said "I'm having difficulty interpreting your test result - but I think it may indicate an alcohol problem"

I said "That's okay doc. Try again and I'll come back when you're sober".

**captpike** · February 13th, 2017, 02:40 AM

**deadman76** · February 13th, 2017, 08:04 AM

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"

A man speaks frantically on the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

**SanteeFats** · February 13th, 2017, 01:49 PM

Pedro lives in an orphanage. One day Pedro is heading towards town with his hands clasped together, when the padre who runs this orphanage asks Pedro, "What do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Pedro replies, "Father, I have horseflies and I am going to town to get horses." Sure enough later Pedro comes back with two beautiful Arabians. Next day Pedro walks past the priest again with the same question, "Pedro, what do you have in your hand and where are you going?" Pedro replies once again, "Father I have butter and I am going to town to get butterflies." Sure enough Pedro returns with beautiful monarch butterflies. The very next day Pedro is headed towards town once again when the Priest asks the same question, "Pedro what do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Again Pedro replies, "Father I have Pussy willows-" "Wait, Pedro!" says the Priest, "I'll go with you!!"

Estreeter · February 13th, 2017, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

Pedro lives in an orphanage.

I don't know why, I started laughing at that point

February 11th, 2017, 10:30 PM	#11993
haymarket Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Merseyside U.K Posts: 254 Thanks: 23,551 Thanked 4,549 Times in 253 Posts	My girlfriend screamed at me when I put it in wrong hole last night.. I accidentally potted the black ball in pool and lost us a hundred quid. __________________ "You ain't seen me, Right!"

February 13th, 2017, 02:40 AM	#11997
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,177 Thanks: 80,449 Thanked 47,325 Times in 1,166 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 11th, 2017, 06:34 AM	#11992
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,346 Times in 1,425 Posts	I was invited to a masturbation party. I replied "Sorry but I will be unable to come". I may be getting older, but I remember back in my day, if you took pics of yourself to show all your mates, you were a faggot.

February 12th, 2017, 07:12 PM	#11994
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,854 Times in 189 Posts	burnt my hawaiian pizza last night, reckon it needed to go on an aloha temperature christ that was dreadful pmsl...

February 12th, 2017, 10:23 PM	#11995
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,347 Times in 3,173 Posts	You just can't beat a bit of friendly advice from a next door neighbour. I remember my neighbour telling me, "Who in their right mind would break up a patio with a pneumatic drill at 4am in the morning?"

February 12th, 2017, 11:19 PM	#11996
bloke57 Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Unaffordable housing Posts: 4,923 Thanks: 31,646 Thanked 68,928 Times in 4,921 Posts	My doctor said "I'm having difficulty interpreting your test result - but I think it may indicate an alcohol problem" I said "That's okay doc. Try again and I'll come back when you're sober".

February 13th, 2017, 08:04 AM	#11998
deadman76 Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Living Room Posts: 775 Thanks: 9,759 Thanked 10,944 Times in 773 Posts	A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some asshole has my pen!" A man speaks frantically on the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

February 13th, 2017, 01:49 PM	#11999
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,932 Thanks: 282,126 Thanked 815,515 Times in 60,976 Posts	Pedro lives in an orphanage. One day Pedro is heading towards town with his hands clasped together, when the padre who runs this orphanage asks Pedro, "What do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Pedro replies, "Father, I have horseflies and I am going to town to get horses." Sure enough later Pedro comes back with two beautiful Arabians. Next day Pedro walks past the priest again with the same question, "Pedro, what do you have in your hand and where are you going?" Pedro replies once again, "Father I have butter and I am going to town to get butterflies." Sure enough Pedro returns with beautiful monarch butterflies. The very next day Pedro is headed towards town once again when the Priest asks the same question, "Pedro what do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Again Pedro replies, "Father I have Pussy willows-" "Wait, Pedro!" says the Priest, "I'll go with you!!"