Post your corny jokes

[gedly]

Originally Posted by photoflex

You could have told me you weren't coming back there!
I spent hundreds on hamburgers waiting for a repeat performance!

As for the first time she gave me a blowjob. That was Burger King out of the question as well.

[PJayBr]

A guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar behind the bar filled to the brim with $20 bills.

The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, if you pay $20, pass three tests, then you get all the money."

"What are the three tests?" asks the man

The bartender is adamant "You gotta pay first."

So the guy gives him the $20 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

"OK, here's what you have to do.

First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who owns the bar, she’s never had an orgasm in her life.
You gotta make go up there and make her happy"

"Well, I know I've paid my $20 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!"

The guy proceeds to drink several beers, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.

"Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.

He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp.
Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

People start to notice. Next, he staggers out back.

Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence.

Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.

Then he says "where’s the old lady with that sore tooth?"

[mrfixit]

Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square, Rome.
The first Catholic man tells his friends,
“My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father”.
The second Catholic man chirps,
“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Grace”.”
The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says “Your Eminence”.”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,
“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Holiness”.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well…?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24″ waist and
34” hips.
When she walks into a room, people say,
“My God!

[PJayBr]

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the River."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......"

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez...." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

In about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

Adam said "What's a Headache?"

[mrfixit]

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next child, a little boy, said: “My name is Andy and my dad’s a mechanic.”
And so it went on until one little boy said: “My name is Johnny and my dad is a stripper in a gay bar.”
The teacher gasped in shock and quickly changed the subject. Later in the school yard the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his father danced naked in a gay bar.
Johnny blushed and said: “No, he’s really a business development director at Lehman Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”

[rondori]

A Short Guide to Comparative Religions

Taoism
Shit happens.
Confucianism
Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism
This shit is just an illusion.
Zen Buddhism
What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism
This shit has happened before.
Mormonism
This shit is going to happen again.
Islam
If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Stoicism
This shit is its own reward.
Protestantism
Let this shit happen to someone else.
Calvinism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Pentecostalism
In Jesus' name, heal this shit!
Catholicism
If Shit happens I deserve it.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Zoroastrianism
There is good shit and there is bad shit.
Marxism
The shit is going to hit the fan.
Atheism
No shit.
Seventh Day Adventist
No shit on Saturdays.
Existentialism
Shit is Absurd .
Agnosticism
Is this shit real?
Nihilism
Who gives a shit?
Christian Science
Shit is in your mind.
Jehovah's Witnesses
Knock, Knock, shit happens.
Dyslexic
This happens.
Scientology
Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard
Hare Krishna
Shit happens, Rama Rama, hare Rama.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.

[Aaron]

I will someday see kids gather together with their cell phones in a circle, choosing up for some sort of Internet game:

Bluetooth
Bluetooth
How old
Are you?

[gedly]

Electrons? They've so much negativity.

[Navvet]

What has four legs, and flies?

Two pairs of pants.

[Adam West]

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.