Post your corny jokes

[jackpinesavage]

Originally Posted by Lord Of The Sith

I am sure there are many versions. I heard it when I was a kid and to this day get a stupid giggle from it, so when someone asks me if I know any clean jokes I tell this one. Most people stand there with a blank stare on their face followed by, "Oh I get it, that's dumb."

OK, I knew I had this someplace, not trying to steal your thunder. But here it is.


A Frog Story -

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his
name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows
the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant,
about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, " There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out
there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to
use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a
Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously!
Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

Have a lovely day

[Almero]

Mrs. Smith, do you have a happy family?
- Oh, yes, I have 5 sons and great husband!
- And where are they now?
- My younger son Jhon is now in Iraq.
- My second son Mike is in Afghanistan.
- My third son Bill is in Kosovo now.
- My elder son Piter is now going to Iran.
- And where is your husband?
- He is traveling now around the world with lections: "How to stop Russian invading other countries".

[retroanalyst]

Never trust hairdressers.

They are always talking behind your back.

[gedly]

So I went to the doctor today. He asked me, "Tell me, how did you start experiencing these pains?". I reply, "Well, I met her in a pub, I asked her out, we started dating, I asked her to marry me.........".

[trooper123]

Never trust an atom. They make everything up.

[agapanthus]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry until they hang down to the floor."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[DoctorWho]

- - -


A guy is sitting in the kitchen, in the dark, 3am, Crying..

Wife hears him and comes down stairs..
Turns the light on and asks..

"Are you ok? Why are you crying?"

Guy says..

"Honey <sniff>.. Remember when we <sniff> were dating?"

She replies..

"Yes.."

He continues

"Remember the night we were <sniff/cough> doing it in your room.."

She says..

"Yes.."

He goes on..

"And.. <sniff>.. Your daddy caught us?"

She replies..

"Yes.."

He goes on..

"Remember how <sniff> your daddy took me outside.. <sniff>..
And.. <sniff.. sniff>..
He told me he I had to marry <sniff> you or go to jail for 20 years...?"

She says

"Yes.. I remember honey.. but why are you crying??"




He says..

"I'd have gotten out today.."



- - -

[gedly]

I said to my wife today, "Is it true then, you're working as a lap dancer at Hotties?". She replies," Yes, it's true". So I say, " See if you can get a job at Fantasies. They've much better paying punters there".

[gmcbee]

Redneck comes home, sees his wife out front with the suitcases.
"Where you goin', Rayleen?"
"I'm leavin' your sorry ass, LeeBob! Mama said you're a paedophile!"
"Paedophile, huh? That's a awful big word for a 12 year old."

(Please note the spelling, in deference to my friends on the other side of the pond)

[SanteeFats]

What do you call 400 rabbits hopping backwards?? A receding hare line