Lewd Limericks - Page 33

**Clouddancer** · September 15th, 2016, 11:57 AM

Ther once was a man from Devizes
Whose balls were two different sizes
One was so small it was no ball at all
The other so large it won prizes

Estreeter · September 15th, 2016, 12:17 PM

There once was a man from Australia

Who had rather large genitalia

He said to his bride,
"Don't try and hide
coz wherever you go I can nail ya"

MaxJoker · September 18th, 2016, 02:56 PM

I once knew a female from banal ,
Who absolutely adored having

Bugger , can't think of a word that rhymes

Estreeter · September 18th, 2016, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

Bugger , can't think of a word that rhymes

A huge cock shoved up her shit canal

bashtray · September 23rd, 2016, 08:46 PM

An aged guru from Tibet:
And here is the strangest thing yet;
Had a penis so long, so pointed and strong
He could skewer six yaks. En brochette.

Estreeter · October 11th, 2016, 03:09 PM

There once was a vampire named Mabel
Whose periods ran quite stable

So every full moon
She would pull out a spoon

And drink herself under the table.

**ManofKent** · October 12th, 2016, 01:31 PM

Shouldn't some of these be in the Sick Twisted Jokes section?

Here's one that occurred to me the other day:

There was a young man called Lester,
Who came from a place called Chester,
He had to leave town,
When word got around,
That he was, in fact, a child-molester!

(Too strong?

).

bashtray · November 3rd, 2016, 03:41 PM

Ouch! MoK, brave man!

I thought this one rather elegant

A Crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
And had an affair with a Saracen.
She was not oversexed,
or jealous, or vexed;
She just wanted to make the comparison.

By Ogden Nash, I believe.

bashtray · November 7th, 2016, 07:47 PM

A middle-aged virgin called Hilda
Went to bed with a well-equipped builder.
She asked 'if they should?'
He said that they 'would'.
So they did. And it bloody-near killed her!

Solid · November 7th, 2016, 07:54 PM

There was an old woman from Ealing
Who had such a terrible feeling.
She lay on her back and opened her crack
And did one all over the ceiling.

September 15th, 2016, 11:57 AM	#321
Clouddancer Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Spain - Costa Blanca Posts: 811 Thanks: 10,238 Thanked 11,624 Times in 809 Posts	Ther once was a man from Devizes Whose balls were two different sizes One was so small it was no ball at all The other so large it won prizes __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. [Follow your inclinations with due regard to the policeman round the corner.

September 15th, 2016, 12:17 PM	#322
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,205 Thanks: 450,412 Thanked 897,679 Times in 60,406 Posts	Bullshit in my case There once was a man from Australia Who had rather large genitalia He said to his bride, "Don't try and hide coz wherever you go I can nail ya" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 18th, 2016, 02:56 PM	#323
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,905 Times in 69,067 Posts	I once knew a female from banal , Who absolutely adored having Bugger , can't think of a word that rhymes __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 11th, 2016, 03:09 PM	#326
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,205 Thanks: 450,412 Thanked 897,679 Times in 60,406 Posts	There once was a vampire named Mabel Whose periods ran quite stable So every full moon She would pull out a spoon And drink herself under the table. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 7th, 2016, 07:47 PM	#329
bashtray Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 31 Thanks: 220 Thanked 258 Times in 29 Posts	From my middle daughter ... A middle-aged virgin called Hilda Went to bed with a well-equipped builder. She asked 'if they should?' He said that they 'would'. So they did. And it bloody-near killed her!

September 23rd, 2016, 08:46 PM	#325
bashtray Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 31 Thanks: 220 Thanked 258 Times in 29 Posts	An aged guru from Tibet: And here is the strangest thing yet; Had a penis so long, so pointed and strong He could skewer six yaks. En brochette.

October 12th, 2016, 01:31 PM	#327
ManofKent Vintage Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: U.K Posts: 1,130 Thanks: 10,125 Thanked 13,836 Times in 1,113 Posts	Shouldn't some of these be in the Sick Twisted Jokes section? Here's one that occurred to me the other day: There was a young man called Lester, Who came from a place called Chester, He had to leave town, When word got around, That he was, in fact, a child-molester! (Too strong? ).

November 3rd, 2016, 03:41 PM	#328
bashtray Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 31 Thanks: 220 Thanked 258 Times in 29 Posts	Ouch! MoK, brave man! I thought this one rather elegant A Crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair with a Saracen. She was not oversexed, or jealous, or vexed; She just wanted to make the comparison. By Ogden Nash, I believe.

November 7th, 2016, 07:54 PM	#330
Solid Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 200 Thanks: 21,134 Thanked 2,940 Times in 199 Posts	There was an old woman from Ealing Who had such a terrible feeling. She lay on her back and opened her crack And did one all over the ceiling. __________________ Cheese with everything!