Post your corny jokes

[PJayBr]

A car dealer friend of mine in Manchester was recently done by the police for "clocking" the mileage on a car he had sold.

He said it was impossible as at the time of the offence he was 20,ooo miles away in Leeds......

[justme21]

[SanteeFats]

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park. A young guy walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the young guy looked, the old man was staring. The young guy finally said sarcastically,"What's the fucks the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and fucked a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my Son !!"

[MaxJoker]

I just found out that the guy who stole my journal has died.


My thoughts are with his family.

[photoflex]

[WARNING: You don’t need to be a scientist to understand these but you might need to be a scientist to find them funny.]

We'll start gently with some one-liners...

1.
"I find it very easy to skim read a non-friction book."

2.
"I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone. Then it dawned on me."

3.
"Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?"

4.
Q: Who was the first electricity detective?

A: Sherlock Ohms

What’s a transistor?
5.
Q: What’s a transistor?

A: A nun who's had a sex change.

6.
Q: Where does bad light end up?

A: In a prism.

7.
Q: Before docking with the International Space Station, what must the pilot of a space module first do?

A: Put money in a parking meteor

8.
Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

And finally, one to get you really thinking...

9.
Einstein gets on a bus heading into town. He asks the driver:

“Excuse me, does the central library stop at this bus?”

[electile disfunction]

Originally Posted by photoflex

[WARNING: You don’t need to be a scientist to understand these but you might need to be a scientist to find them funny.]

We'll start gently with some one-liners...

A mathematician was having such a bad morning that he couldn't tell his coffee cup from his doughnut.

(Hint--they are actually both tori: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torus )

[SanteeFats]

Originally Posted by electile disfunction

A mathematician was having such a bad morning that he couldn't tell his coffee cup from his doughnut.

(Hint--they are actually both tori: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torus )

You do know the jokes here are supposed to be something other than thought provoking, right??

[captpike]

Testicle Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
“Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.
“Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel”?
“Feels great,” he replied; “But I still think my thumb’s broken!”

CaptPike

[SanteeFats]

George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell,
where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the Devil. "You
are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard
Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and
over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a
good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room
full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got
this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break
rocks all day," commented George.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his
arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, giving him a blow job, Bush looks in disbelief, and finally says,
"Yeah, I can handle that."
The Devil smiled and said,"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[electile disfunction]

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

You do know the jokes here are supposed to be something other than thought provoking, right??

Yes, I do . You will have to trust me on the humour of this one. (I was hoping people would regard photoflex's warning as I quoted that post: WARNING: You don’t need to be a scientist to understand these but you might need to be a scientist to find them funny.)

Here is the explanation:
A doughnut and a coffee cup look very different to us, but they appear identical in the 4th-dimension of form mathematics--and the mathematician is having such a difficult day he is getting his 3rd and 4th dimensions mixed up.

(A torus, the doughnut, and the coffee cup with a handle are all single, continuous pieces of matter with a non-continuous hole--the hole in the coffee cup is the handle. )

Sorry,
e.d.