Lewd Limericks

[Mantissa]

There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky.
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
- Anon

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off of your chinsky."
- Anon

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.
- Anon

[Mantissa]

A dolly in Dallas named Alice,
Whose overworked sex is all callous,
Wore the foreskin away
On uncircumcised Ray,
Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.
- Anon

[Mantissa]

She wears just a thong. I'm impressed.
However, my lust has progressed.
"My dear, you've not quite
Got the look that is right.
I fear you're a touch over-dressed."
- Anon

[Mantissa]

There was a young lass from Caerphilly,
Whose thoughts were decidedly silly.
She was well out of wit, see.
You may say she was ditsy
And a scatterbrained blonde silly billy.
- Anon

[Mantissa]

Well, bye-bye, my delectable miss.
What? You want a goodbye New Year kiss?
I don't know. What I mean
(Are you sure you're eighteen?)
Is I shouldn't have done even this.
- Anon

[Mantissa]

In a tavern, a tart and a vicar
Swap drinks as they bargain and dicker.
They have settled the fee,
But they still can't agree
As to who will be holding whose liquor.
- Anon

[Mantissa]

Dominatrix Dorinda is finding
That legal provisions are grinding
Her tricks to a halt,
Since her contract's no-fault
And its clauses are painfully binding.
- Tim Alborn

[Mainwaring1967]

Therte was young girl from Denny,
who'd give you a kiss for a penny;
two threepenny-bits for a feel of her tits,
for a ha'penny you didn't get any

[Mantissa]

There is a young girl of Kilkenny,
Who is worried by lovers so many
That the saucy young elf
Means to raffle herself,
And the tickets are two for a penny.
- Anon

There was an old girl of Kilkenny,
Whose usual charge was a penny.
For half of that sum
You could fondle her bum:
A source of amusement to many.
- Anon

A nun from the shores of Kylemore
Was shagged by young Benny Kilgore.
Her face in a rictus,
She cooed, “Benedictus!
Ben, darling, please shag me some more.”
- Mantissa
Ó¿Ò

[Mantissa]

There was a young lady from Stratford
Whose Gran was a hooker from Bradford.
As an evening shift worker,
She wore a pink burkha,
And on day shift did tremblers in Catford.
- Gerry Hat-Trick