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Old 06-13-2017, 04:31 PM   #12741
PJayBr
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I was having a piss in a motorway service station last week, and in front of me was a poster that said,

"By the time you wash your hands, five children will have died of malnutrition"

so I thought, "Well I haven't splashed much, so I'll not bother and save some lives......."
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Old 06-13-2017, 04:45 PM   #12742
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anothercustom View Post
UnFUCKINGbelievable. Theresa May spent all of yesterday putting together a new cabinet.
That's what you get shopping at IKEA..
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It is a porn site,But it's a Classy porn site.
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Old 06-13-2017, 04:52 PM   #12743
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mal Hombre View Post
That's what you get shopping at IKEA..
... or (shopping at) the DUP?
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:25 PM   #12744
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I proudly took my son to his first demo yesterday. He kept asking me, "Daddy, Daddy, why are those people shouting, 'Nazi scum off our streets' at us?"
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Old 06-14-2017, 04:47 AM   #12745
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Today's newsrag. included a reader-contributed 2-word "letter" on the UK election:

Theresa wrexit.

Not entirely original, but.
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Old 06-14-2017, 12:41 PM   #12746
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I recently joined a movement.
It tought it was a movement for more punch
Instead, it was a bowel movement.
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Old 06-14-2017, 01:01 PM   #12747
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I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station... I just started filling up.
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Old 06-14-2017, 11:10 PM   #12748
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A waitress screamed "Does anyone know CPR?" I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet!".
Everyone laughed. Well everyone except this one guy.
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Old 06-15-2017, 01:14 AM   #12749
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When I was young, I was forced to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.
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Old 06-15-2017, 01:16 AM   #12750
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Police Officer: I'm sorry sir but it looks like your wife got run over by a truck.

Husband: I know but she has a great personality and swallows all my loads.

Police Officer: What??
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