How do you cope with the lady in your life?

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by xyzde69

@Estreeter....

So did you find the rare pearl?

That's possible, but that means you won the jackpot.

The other way around actually, I knew my Missus sister very well, she introduced us, Me I was just hanging around the bar being myself and joking around, wasn't trying to impress but I made her laugh and she hung around, didn't think much into it but my Missus sister told me it's a bit unusual for men to make her laugh, genuinely laugh ... she came back to the bar where I was hanging around and, well, laughed some more

Oh, here's one thing I do know about women and Max touched on it .... when they're angry, let them be and let their irrational side let the anger out , just back down and don't argue back .... If you've even slightly fucked up and are asked "Who the duck do you think you are" .... don't answer

[rosestone]

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

That first/last Christmas together was unbelievably awful and pushed normally easy going me close to going over the edge. All unnecessary and all due to her attitude. Her "Demons" as she`d call them.
Might come back to this another day and describe just how awful that Christmas was. But for now I`ll let it lie as it`ll only get me in a shitty mood , with myself.

That actually sounds worryingly familiar, although my wife says "insecurities" rather than "demons" I have even (when peed off) joked to her that if she was found by police kneeling over my twitching corpse with a bloody knife in her hand having stabbed me multiple times, she seems to believe that if she said to the judge by way of defence "But your honour, I'm insecure", that the judge would say "Oh, fair enough then, why didn't you say so? Case dismissed. Off you trot."

Thanks for the advice Max, and everyone, it really is helpful, I just started this thread because I want to feel less like I'm howling in the wind, and I hope perhaps some other members might feel the same. It's true that I am no angel, but nor am I such a bad guy. It gets very frustrating.

[bloke57]

As all who have written here say, every woman and every relationship is different. It's also true that women are very unpredictable and changeable - at the risk of being shouted down by feminists, I would say that women are more-so than men in my experience.

But what I do know is that you must never be too afraid to walk away. Of course it is horrible and you will feel wretched without the person you have invested so much time, emotion and money in.

The upside of having the ability to walk is that there is gold in them there hills. If you can find the strength to do it once, you can do it twice...three times etc. And you'll know you will get over it...you really will.

So you will never again be held hostage to changeable emotions and moral blackmail. You don't have to be nasty or aggressive about it but you will be able to stand up for your needs, express your feelings from a position of strength and address problems as they arise - free from risk.

My ex-fiancée ended our relationship two years ago now. She was on about the third personality by then! She did try to re-establish the relationship a couple of months after dumping me. I could have gone back but I said a very firm no! - first to myself and then to her. Things will never be right so it's not worth pursuing. Of course it hurt but I had to go and I don't regret it.

I've had a couple of dalliances since but am now single - but I'm in control and it is just fine by me.

I hope you can find a way forward but, as I say, never lose sight of the option of walking away.

[MaxJoker]

Originally Posted by rosestone

That actually sounds worryingly familiar, although my wife says "insecurities" rather than "demons"

Wonder if there are any women out there without insecurities that ahem ...
Make them disturb our equilibrium

Originally Posted by rosestone

Thanks for the advice Max, and everyone, it really is helpful, I just started this thread because I want to feel less like I'm howling in the wind, and I hope perhaps some other members might feel the same. It's true that I am no angel, but nor am I such a bad guy. It gets very frustrating.

Frustrating is an understatement
Most men in a relationship or married find themselves howling in the wind.
Or screaming into a pillow
That accidentally fell onto their partners face , hard for several minutes
Honest your honour

[Roubignol]

@rosestone.

Is your wife in this mood everyday?
Pre-Menstrual Princess Blues

If yes.... meet a psychologist specialised in couple asap or run out immediatly... I said: IMMEDIATLY. Your life is in great trouble!

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

Most men in a relationship or married find themselves howling in the wind.
Or screaming into a pillow

And that's where I was for most of 2008 and 2009 came to realise though it had to happen,

I read no books, sought no professional help , ultimately when it comes to women problems just accept the fact they're women, been like that since before Moses came down from the mountain and will be till the Sun engulfs the Earth

A half hour ago she poked her head in here and said she was off to bed, then said you and your internet buddies I told her we're complaning about women to which she replied, "So we're doing our job and keeping you all in line"

[Roubignol]

In newspapers and medias, they always speak about physical violences made against women.
Sure that must not be allowed. That's a shame.

But they rarely speak about mental harassement done by women against men.
For sure, some men are miserable clowns... they pee on the toilet bowl, they neglect themselves, they never help their woman at home, they are incredibly heavy with their jokes, they never brush their teeth, smoke too much and get disgusting bad breath... etc...

In these cases, I'd like to read in these newspapers, why these women married these gherkins? Probably because they were afraid to live the "old single-woman syndrome"

But how many times I've seen women treated their husband like little boy and using nothing else as acid words in their mouth. That's mental harassement and if it's daily, I'd recommand to the guy (or to the woman) to split up

[Sir Honkers]

I got married young, got divorced and then in my early thirties got married again when I was lucky enough to find a really wonderful human being who loves me back. A thing that passeth all understanding.
The thing I have learnt from this is, if you are not happy rosestone, walk away. Life is too short not to be as happy as you can possibly be. If you're not sure how, I commend to you Mr Simon's advice. It really is that simple.

[73north]

I am now 51 - I got married at age 31 , and luckily I had dated a lot of women before that , and thank heavens , had saved money up for getting a house ( I also have now paid off the Mortgage last year ) -
for the first 5-8 years it was great , regular sex , and then a steady slide - now I am lucky if its once every six months - and even then she wants it over as soon as possible - result I have had a few affairs ( and seen a few escorts )
some satisfying , a few not so ..
I put up with her as she is easy-going - and lets me do what I want ( generally )
and it would cost me dear to get a divorce ( I paid all the mortgage - and she signed the papers at the time for the mortgage ) so if I broke with her it would cripple me..

I agree , you have to make the best of life ( get a dog and hobby worked for me )

six months ago - she had a rant when she found my Rachel Broome stash in my drawer in my drawing desk - and I told her straight , its my hobby , if you don't like it
there's the door - and she took the hint , I would rather get divorced than lose my hard-won collection of Vintage Erotica - that's my own personal red-line in the sand ...

that's also where I display my 2 photos of Rachel Broome ( one framed ) in my study room ( spare bedroom )
Having a Room where you can escape reality - a god-send !

for you , rosestone , if you have no financial ties and can afford it , just walk away
and get someone else , and if that fails , move on to another - try , try and try again .

[anothercustom]

The best advice I'd give someone is to live apart from your other half. It's difficult in the UK nowadays given the cost of buying or renting property but if you can live apart in a long-term relationship, that freedom it affords you is invaluable and will benefit your relationship.