Post your corny jokes - Page 1324

**maildude** · March 27th, 2018, 01:45 PM

Insults From Little Kids: Volume 1:

A friend's younger sister had drawn a picture of me and titled it "Dumb." In the picture I had this happy little smile.

"If I'm so dumb, why am I happy?" I asked her.

"Because you don't know any better."

**fatrat1** · March 27th, 2018, 03:46 PM

Teacher ask 5 year old Mary to say a sentence with the word lovely in it. Mary says please miss I have a big garden with lots of lovely flowers. Well done Mary, now Jonny can you give a sentence with word lovely twice in it. Jonny thinks and says last night my 15 year old sister came home and said she is pregnant. My dad said lovely,fucking,lovely.

**fatrat1** · March 27th, 2018, 03:48 PM

What do you call a KGB interrogator.

A: Chzopa Bolokov

**haymarket** · March 27th, 2018, 07:16 PM

Passenger taps his taxi driver on his shoulder.

The driver jumps out of his skin, swerves, nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window.

"Bloody Hell! You're a bit jumpy aren't you! I only tapped you on the shoulder!!"

"Sorry" says the cabbie.

"It's my first day, I've been driving a hearse for the last 20 years."

captain fanta · March 27th, 2018, 09:55 PM

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

He said "It depends where you're calling from."

captain fanta · March 27th, 2018, 09:58 PM

I knocked on my neighbours door this morning and asked "Can you please have my children? I'll be no longer than a couple of minutes, I promise”

"Of course!" She replied.

"Great!" I said "Get your knickers off then”

captain fanta · March 27th, 2018, 09:59 PM

I was stood in the chemist this morning and I said to the lady behind the counter "Do you have anything that will clear up my diarrhoea?"

"Yes, I think we have some Imodium Plus sir" she replied.

"No, I don't think you understand" I said. "I've just shit on your floor"

**gedly** · March 28th, 2018, 06:28 PM

Anybody see that news item today about the world shortage of dwarves?

**photoflex** · March 28th, 2018, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

Anybody see that news item today about the world shortage of dwarves?

No. I blinked.

captain fanta · March 28th, 2018, 10:29 PM

Elton John's good on the piano but he sucks on an organ

March 27th, 2018, 01:45 PM	#13231
maildude Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: In postal purgatory Posts: 760 Thanks: 1,162 Thanked 14,111 Times in 748 Posts	Insults From Little Kids: Volume 1: A friend's younger sister had drawn a picture of me and titled it "Dumb." In the picture I had this happy little smile. "If I'm so dumb, why am I happy?" I asked her. "Because you don't know any better." __________________ LET FREEDOM WAIT

March 27th, 2018, 03:46 PM	#13232
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	Teacher ask 5 year old Mary to say a sentence with the word lovely in it. Mary says please miss I have a big garden with lots of lovely flowers. Well done Mary, now Jonny can you give a sentence with word lovely twice in it. Jonny thinks and says last night my 15 year old sister came home and said she is pregnant. My dad said lovely,fucking,lovely. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 27th, 2018, 03:48 PM	#13233
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	What do you call a KGB interrogator. A: Chzopa Bolokov __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 27th, 2018, 07:16 PM	#13234
haymarket Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Merseyside U.K Posts: 254 Thanks: 23,521 Thanked 4,549 Times in 253 Posts	Passenger taps his taxi driver on his shoulder. The driver jumps out of his skin, swerves, nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window. "Bloody Hell! You're a bit jumpy aren't you! I only tapped you on the shoulder!!" "Sorry" says the cabbie. "It's my first day, I've been driving a hearse for the last 20 years." __________________ "You ain't seen me, Right!"

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March 27th, 2018, 09:55 PM	#13235
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,751 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local swimming baths?" He said "It depends where you're calling from."

March 27th, 2018, 09:58 PM	#13236
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,751 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	I knocked on my neighbours door this morning and asked "Can you please have my children? I'll be no longer than a couple of minutes, I promise” "Of course!" She replied. "Great!" I said "Get your knickers off then”

March 27th, 2018, 09:59 PM	#13237
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,751 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	I was stood in the chemist this morning and I said to the lady behind the counter "Do you have anything that will clear up my diarrhoea?" "Yes, I think we have some Imodium Plus sir" she replied. "No, I don't think you understand" I said. "I've just shit on your floor"

March 28th, 2018, 06:28 PM	#13238
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,305 Times in 3,171 Posts	Anybody see that news item today about the world shortage of dwarves?

March 28th, 2018, 10:29 PM	#13240
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,751 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	Elton John's good on the piano but he sucks on an organ