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March 27th, 2018, 01:45 PM | #13231 |
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Insults From Little Kids: Volume 1:
A friend's younger sister had drawn a picture of me and titled it "Dumb." In the picture I had this happy little smile. "If I'm so dumb, why am I happy?" I asked her. "Because you don't know any better."
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March 27th, 2018, 03:46 PM | #13232 |
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Teacher ask 5 year old Mary to say a sentence with the word lovely in it. Mary says please miss I have a big garden with lots of lovely flowers. Well done Mary, now Jonny can you give a sentence with word lovely twice in it. Jonny thinks and says last night my 15 year old sister came home and said she is pregnant. My dad said lovely,fucking,lovely.
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March 27th, 2018, 03:48 PM | #13233 |
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What do you call a KGB interrogator.
A: Chzopa Bolokov
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March 27th, 2018, 07:16 PM | #13234 |
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Passenger taps his taxi driver on his shoulder.
The driver jumps out of his skin, swerves, nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window. "Bloody Hell! You're a bit jumpy aren't you! I only tapped you on the shoulder!!" "Sorry" says the cabbie. "It's my first day, I've been driving a hearse for the last 20 years."
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March 27th, 2018, 09:55 PM | #13235 |
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So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said "Is that the local swimming baths?" He said "It depends where you're calling from." |
March 27th, 2018, 09:58 PM | #13236 |
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I knocked on my neighbours door this morning and asked "Can you please have my children? I'll be no longer than a couple of minutes, I promise”
"Of course!" She replied. "Great!" I said "Get your knickers off then” |
March 27th, 2018, 09:59 PM | #13237 |
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I was stood in the chemist this morning and I said to the lady behind the counter "Do you have anything that will clear up my diarrhoea?"
"Yes, I think we have some Imodium Plus sir" she replied. "No, I don't think you understand" I said. "I've just shit on your floor" |
March 28th, 2018, 06:28 PM | #13238 |
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Anybody see that news item today about the world shortage of dwarves?
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March 28th, 2018, 07:31 PM | #13239 |
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No. I blinked.
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March 28th, 2018, 10:29 PM | #13240 |
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Elton John's good on the piano but he sucks on an organ
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