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December 8th, 2016, 01:05 PM | #11841 |
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Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" askes the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"
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December 8th, 2016, 02:22 PM | #11842 |
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If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death. |
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December 8th, 2016, 02:52 PM | #11843 |
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A Viking warrior, Rudolf is one of the earliest scientists, particularly interested in what will be known as meteorology. Rudolf is a tall, luxuriantly ginger haired and bearded man. In fact, his sense and use of mosses is uncanny, and his group consult him before boarding ship heading for pillage. His wife is less certain. One day, Rudolf goes out of the hut, sniffs the air and looks at the moss. "Hmm... postpone sailing... high winds and precipitation imminent.." "What rubbish! How can you be sure by sniffiing!" says the wife. "Rudolf The Red knows rain, dear...."
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December 9th, 2016, 12:40 PM | #11844 |
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A daughter asked her mother, "Mom, how do you spell 'scrotum'?" Her mom replied, "Honey, you should have asked me last night--it was on the tip of my tongue."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man and his wife are having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you donig in bed this late?" She replied, "Getting a second opinion." |
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December 9th, 2016, 02:13 PM | #11845 |
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A long married couple are sitting watching TV when the husband smacks his wife in the head saying, "That's for being a lousy lay!" Ten minutes later she smacks him back saying, "That's for knowing the difference!"
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December 9th, 2016, 02:55 PM | #11846 |
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December 10th, 2016, 07:29 AM | #11847 |
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Am currently reading a book about a paper towel , finding it very absorbing
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December 10th, 2016, 07:45 AM | #11848 |
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I used to work for an origami business until it folded..
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December 10th, 2016, 01:56 PM | #11849 |
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I am nothing until you look at me.
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December 10th, 2016, 02:18 PM | #11850 |
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