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Old 01-10-2016, 02:53 PM   #3551
MaxJoker
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Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face

~ Victor Hugo

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money

~ John Barrymore

Zz`greet pleasure tu`bee`ear


~ Claude Lamont
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Old 01-12-2016, 12:51 PM   #3552
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Default These are a few of my favourite quotes

These are a few of my favourite quotes.

If an attribution or a quote needs correction, please let me know. Thanks.

Gabor, Zsa Zsa To a smart girl, men are no problem Ė theyíre the answer

Gandhi, Mahatma Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever

Gelbart, Larry One doesnít have a sense of humor: it has you

Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live

Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von No one has ever completed their apprenticeship

Granville, George Of all pains, the greatest pain is to love, and to love in vain

Guitry, Sacha Wife stealer, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her

Hamilton, Alexander Man is a reasoning more than a reasonable animal

Hayes, Helen If you rest, you rust

Heinlein, Robert One manís magic is another manís engineering

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Old 01-14-2016, 03:32 PM   #3553
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Old 01-14-2016, 03:52 PM   #3554
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Only Fools And Horses

Del Boy '' I thought you said they were open twenty four hours a day ? ''

Trigger '' Yeah, but not at night. ''

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Uncle Albert '' Elsie Partridge thinks our bathroom's haunted ''

Del Boy '' Haunted ? Stop it will you you'll hurt me. ''

Uncle Albert '' Elsie Partridge is a medium. ''

Del Boy '' Is she ? Well you'd better whip that round to her then. Knock her up a treat that will i tell ya. ''

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Mafia man '' How many guys do you know run round the Everglades dressed like Jimmy Connors. ''

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Trigger '' And if it's a boy, their going to name it Rodney. After Dave. ''
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Old 01-14-2016, 04:10 PM   #3555
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Words are all we have

~ Samuel Beckett

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones

~ Mitch Hedberg

Dirty pool old man, I like it


~ Gomez Addams
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Old 01-14-2016, 06:19 PM   #3556
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Probably already posted but still highlarious IMO.

Blazing Saddles :
Where all the white women at??
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Old 01-14-2016, 07:34 PM   #3557
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Default These ae a few of my favourite quotes

These are a few of my favourite quotes.

If an attribution or a quote needs correction, please let me know. Thanks.

Hendrix, Jimi Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens

Herford, Oliver A Liar is sometimes one who is telling an unpleasant truth

Hilsabeck, David B. What are called "financial troubles" are almost always "decision troubles"

Hoffer, Eric Even when people are free to do as they please, they do as others please

Holmes, John Hughes The Universe is not hostile, and it is not friendly, it is simply indifferent

Holmes, Oliver Wendell, Jr. They grow old when they quit playing

Hood, Thomas A Momentís thinking is an hour in words

Hopper, Admiral Grace When in doubt, act: itís easier to get forgiveness than permission

Hubbard, Kin Nobody ever forgets where the hatchet is buried

Huxley, Aldous Experience is what a man does with what happens to him

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Old 01-16-2016, 04:27 PM   #3558
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Old 01-16-2016, 04:53 PM   #3559
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Let my enemies devour each other

~ Salvador Dali

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six

~ Yogi Berra



Maybe you should wear these extra gloves


~ Lloyd Christmas
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Old 01-16-2016, 08:08 PM   #3560
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Default These are a few of my favourite quotes

These are a few of my favourite quotes

If an attribution or a quote needs correction, please let me know. Thanks.

Ingersoll, Robert Nature has neither rewards nor punishments, just consequences

Jefferson, Thomas In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current

Jessel, George The Human brain starts working at birth and only stops upon speaking in public

Johnson, Samuel Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures

Jones, Franklin P. Originality is the art of concealing your sources

Kennedy, John F. Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth

Kennedy, John F. Those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future

Kesey, Ken Take what you can use and let the rest go by

King, Martin Luther, Jr. No one can ride your back unless itís bent

Klyosaki, Robert Broke is a temporary condition, poor is a state of mind

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