And In Other News Today

[Arturo2nd]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

And in other news today the SEC called for the immediate expulsion of VEF from the internet due to questionable practices by its moderators and administrators.

It is the FCC - Federal Communication Commission, that regulates broadcast media, but they only have jurisdiction over outlets based in the United States.

I do suppose that mainland Chinese have difficulty joining our beloved VEF.

Originally Posted by trailmaster

And in other news today the Hubble telescope reports it has detected a huge asteroid 200 miles in diameter that will hit the Earth in 50 years. All of the greatest scientists from large and small nations must come together to figure out what to do. We have 50 years to prevent the destruction of our beloved planet.

Oh, good, we will be spared from destuction via climate change. Fire up the coal burning plants, Chairman Xi.

[trailmaster]

And in other news today S.E.T.I. the search for extra-terrestrial intelligence has reported today that they have been receiving strange signals for almost a year. They had not said anything before because it was a secret, but now it is becoming more urgent. They think that the signals they have been receiving are from a distant but very advanced alien civilization. Over the last year they have been able to translate some of the signals and the results are astounding. SETI says that the aliens found the U.S. space probe Voyager that was launched from Earth in 1977, the one with the gold record. The aliens read all the info on the gold record and are coming to Earth to investigate us, but they say that they don;t like what they saw on the record, and if they are not satisfied with what they find when they get here Earth will be destroyed.

[bombermouse]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

And in other news today the Hubble telescope reports it has detected a huge asteroid 200 miles in diameter that will hit the Earth in 50 years. All of the greatest scientists from large and small nations must come together to figure out what to do. We have 50 years to prevent the destruction of our beloved planet.

I'd be surprised if we last that long. If our only hope of survival is all nations working together, sayonara baby.

[bombermouse]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

And in other news today S.E.T.I. the search for extra-terrestrial intelligence has reported today that they have been receiving strange signals for almost a year. They had not said anything before because it was a secret, but now it is becoming more urgent. They think that the signals they have been receiving are from a distant but very advanced alien civilization. Over the last year they have been able to translate some of the signals and the results are astounding. SETI says that the aliens found the U.S. space probe Voyager that was launched from Earth in 1977, the one with the gold record. The aliens read all the info on the gold record and are coming to Earth to investigate us, but they say that they don;t like what they saw on the record, and if they are not satisfied with what they find when they get here Earth will be destroyed.

See, we won't last 50 years.

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

And in other news today S.E.T.I.

And in another related news story, Today the world famous internet forum known as VEF suddenly added another section known only as "Alien Porn"

[tygrkhat40]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

You have it all wrong. SEC stands for The Securities and Exchange Commission a government organization that monitors the stock markets and business practices.

Yeah, I know. I tried to make a joke and some didn't realize it.

[TommySwiftJr.]

Originally Posted by tygrkhat40

Yeah, I know. I tried to make a joke and some didn't realize it.

Well, as Josef Stalin had pointed out so uniquely: Dark humour is like food. Not everyone gets it.

Another thing: Thanks a ton for making all those letters bigger now. Now I can put away my damn glasses. They make me look ugly. Even uglier than I do look without them anyway.

[trailmaster]

And in other news today has come a report from a small newspaper in Tupelo, Mississippi from an unknown reporter that does undercover news reporting. He reports that Elvis Presley probably the greatest "pop" singer who ever lived may still be alive. Originally he was reported to have died in 1977 of heart failure and then given a big funeral, but instead he may have faked his death because he wanted to get away from the constant pressure of concerts, the recording studio and acting. He found an agent who sent him to this secret facility on Bunga-Bunga island in the south pacific. This island has several facilities built by a man only known with an alias as Ninjaturtle. He built a facility for facial reconstruction, a "fat farm" for people trying to lose weight and a drug re-hab center. Mr. Presley was on this island for 6 months until he was of normal weight and he had a completely new face and was no longer dependent on alcohol and drugs. Presley may be among us now and no one in the world can identify him. And Bunga-Bunga island is not found on any chart anywhere!!

[bombermouse]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

And in other news today has come a report from a small newspaper in Tupelo, Mississippi from an unknown reporter that does undercover news reporting. He reports that Elvis Presley probably the greatest "pop" singer who ever lived may still be alive. Originally he was reported to have died in 1977 of heart failure and then given a big funeral, but instead he may have faked his death because he wanted to get away from the constant pressure of concerts, the recording studio and acting. He found an agent who sent him to this secret facility on Bunga-Bunga island in the south pacific. This island has several facilities built by a man only known with an alias as Ninjaturtle. He built a facility for facial reconstruction, a "fat farm" for people trying to lose weight and a drug re-hab center. Mr. Presley was on this island for 6 months until he was of normal weight and he had a completely new face and was no longer dependent on alcohol and drugs. Presley may be among us now and no one in the world can identify him. And Bunga-Bunga island is not found on any chart anywhere!!

Elvis would have turned 81 on January 8 of this year. Bunga Bunga Island may not be on any charts but it exists in all of our hearts and minds.

[Arturo2nd]

Originally Posted by tygrkhat40

Yeah, I know. I tried to make a joke and some didn't realize it.

Of course it was a joke, but look at the fun we had with it. How many of our British friends previosly knew of the central role that SEC football plays in American life? It has far more clout than that wimpy agency that had its budget drastically reduced by Republicans presidents and congresses, its enforcement staff decimated, and then was blamed for failing to prevent massive securities fraud.

But who cares about that? The position battles of spring football practice are far more important. Can Florida reestablish its dominant position in the SEC East? Will Alabama be unseated in the west? Can Les Miles survive another year at LSU? Will Hugh Freeze weather the recent allegations of payments to players? How will the recent NCAA prohibition of football "camps" change the recruiting landscape?

Muslims can have their mosques. We have football stadiums.