Lewd Limericks

[vierenweg]

There is a young girl from Darjeeling
Who's wanks her boy's cock with great feeling,
But his dong is so long
That when it's on song,
He spunks all over the ceiling!

[vierenweg]

There once was a housewife from Bute
Who thought her milkman quite cute,
Till, layed on her tum,
He rogered her bum
With a cock that was now quite a brute!

[vierenweg]

Wildly off-topic but from the great Ogden Nash's, "The Golden Trashery of Ogden Nashery". Spring in the Bowery.

Spring is sprung, the grass is ris -
I wonder where the boydies is?
Some say, "The boyd is on the wing."
But that's absoyd,
The wing is on the boyd!

[iufrenchman]

There was a painter named Ben Mayer,
Who said to his model, 'Bend there.
I’m doing full frontal,
Which means that your cunt'll
Be lustrous, ’cause I paint 'plein hair.''

[iufrenchman]

There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
She said 'Stop your plumbing,
'There's somebody coming.'
'I know,' said the plumber,
'It's me.'

[iufrenchman]

There once was a woman in China
Who stuck dynamite up her vagina.
She lit it on fire
In suicidal ire.
It blew her to South Carolina.

[vierenweg]

There was a young whore from East Brent
Who, when all her money was spent,
Would let you tickle her tum,
While you rogered her bum,
For an extra twenty-percent.

[vierenweg]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose spunk could fill half of a bucket -
His wife would complain,
"It's a bit of a pain."
Until she learned how to duck it.

[vierenweg]

Originally Posted by iufrenchman

There once was an old man named Post
Who spread TNT on his toast
They found his eyeglasses
Up some Thai twins asses
And his moustache on Ivory Coast.

There once was an old man named Post
Who liked to wank-off on his toast,
But one day, half-awake,
He wanked-off in his cake
And found that his knob was all-roast!

[vierenweg]

There once was a bishop from Bute
Whose longing for nuns was acute;
But he never could bag them
In order to shag them,
Not even when offered some loot.

So this randy old bishop from Bute
Took his cock out to give it a toot.
He wanked it all night
And 'twas a hell of sight
When he finally got it to shoot!