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Old 12-09-2017, 05:52 PM   #13201
bloke57
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Staggered home drunk one night, but stayed up to finish the pesky Rubik's cube.

Woke up next morning to find I'd mangled the budgie.
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Old 12-10-2017, 01:07 PM   #13202
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"When the first time is a hooker, the innocence lost is gained by the wisdom won."
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Old 12-10-2017, 05:51 PM   #13203
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Q. Name a synonym for white flight?

A. Avoid The Groid.
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Old 12-10-2017, 09:20 PM   #13204
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My wife ordered me to have The Talk about the birds and the bees with my son.
So I bought him a casting couch,
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Old 12-10-2017, 10:44 PM   #13205
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David Blaine is said to be fuming, after his record of doing nothing in the box for 44 days has been smashed by Romelu Lukaku
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Old 12-10-2017, 11:53 PM   #13206
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Here are three bands that should never, ever play any concert venue or record any music:

Michael Bolt-Thrower (combination of jazz and death metal)
Motley Cure (anagram of original name, no umlauts...)
Pantera Bread (The Great Southern Breadkill?)

-----

Here is a great name for a cover band who excel at playing '80s hard rock:

Widesnake (male enhancement necessary for the extra girth...)
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Old 12-12-2017, 01:22 PM   #13207
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I called next door to ask the old lady that lives there how she was getting on with her recently fitted stair-lift. “I’m not happy” she replied. ....”In fact, it’s driving me up the wall”
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Old 12-12-2017, 01:55 PM   #13208
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Old 12-12-2017, 04:32 PM   #13209
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Just an obscure reference to my childhood:
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Old 12-12-2017, 10:07 PM   #13210
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Speaking of Donald Trump:

Q. What are Donald Trump's favorite fantasy creatures?

A. The troll and the Grand Dragon...
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