Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum
Home
Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies
Best Porn Sites Live Sex Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old December 13th, 2008, 04:09 PM   #11
AlBundy
Member
 
AlBundy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: On my couch
Posts: 67
Thanks: 647
Thanked 391 Times in 65 Posts
AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+AlBundy 1000+
Default

Two rednecks are playing golf behind two flamingly effeminate golfers who are just flitting about after every shot, every putt, everything.
The rednecks are getting so mad watching the unmacho behavior of the two at the "gentleman's game," so they decide they're going to hit into them to get off.
The rednecks' shots are getting dangerously close to the two gays, and finally, a shot from one of the rednecks hits one of the gays on the head and it knocks him out cold.
The other gay is in an angry panic, shaking his friend to get up, "Felipe! Felipe! Get up! Get up!"
He shouts at the rednecks, "You bad men! We are going to sue you!"
One of the rednecks yelled back, "You ain't gonna sue us! I'd just as soon suck your winney!"
The gay heard that and started shaking his friend, "Felipe! Felipe! Get up! Hurry! They want to settle out of court!"
__________________
National Organization of Men Against Amazonian
Masterhood - NO MA'AM!!!

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
AlBundy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to AlBundy For This Useful Post:
Old December 13th, 2008, 04:46 PM   #12
charliedog
Senior Member
 
charliedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 199
Thanks: 12,088
Thanked 1,583 Times in 184 Posts
charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+charliedog 5000+
Default

how do you eat a frog?






one leg over each ear.
charliedog is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to charliedog For This Useful Post:
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:04 PM   #13
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:04 PM   #14
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:05 PM   #15
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Boobs."


--------------------------------------------------------------------


A gorgeous woman gets into a taxi. She says, "To the airport, please." After a few minutes, the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says, "You're third pregnant woman I've driven to the airport today." She woman, indignant, says, "You must be kidding. I'm not pregnant." The taxi driver says, "Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet, either."
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:05 PM   #16
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:05 PM   #17
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

Two old drunks were chatting in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand." "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally, they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she says, responding carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, "Was that one word or two?"
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:06 PM   #18
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

A blind man walks into a china store with his seeing-eye dog. He grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging him around knocking things over and breaking them. In just a few seconds, the cost of the damage he has done is already astronomical. The manager of the store, completely aghast, runs over to him and says: "SIR! Can I help you???" The blind man says casually: "Naaahhh. Just looking."
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:06 PM   #19
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde 's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans."

"Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes."

"Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?""

"Now tell me, what the f*#k would you say?"
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 13th, 2008, 05:07 PM   #20
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

Mr Smith was having problems with his Unit, His wife made an appointment to see the doctor. After some test's the doctor came into the examination room with the medical report.

"Well Mr. Smith" said the Doctor, "I have some bad news"
"What is it" Asked Mr. Smith.
The doctor looked at the report and said.
"Well I'm afraid your penis has only 12 erections left in it, After that your penis will be useless"

Leaving the doctors office Mr. Smith walked slowly home thinking what to do.
Upon opening the door to his house his wife was there waiting for him.
"What did the doctor say she asked"
" He said that my penis only has 12 erections left and after that it will be useless" Mr. Smith said with a frown.
"Well we will have to make a list of things to do for sex before it becomes useless" Mrs. Smith said.
" I did make a list on the walk home and your not on it"
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 10:09 AM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.