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Old 05-01-2017, 11:49 AM   #12531
effCup
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
"Well that's not true. I'm sitting on an armchair".
Politicians may lie even when they're standing at the top of a cliff edge... which seems often to be where they find themselves.
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Old 05-01-2017, 06:37 PM   #12532
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
Anyway, I was watching this election debate last night. One of the politicians says, "The people of this country are standing on a cliff edge".
True, but that should work in our advantage...

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Old 05-01-2017, 07:40 PM   #12533
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Two vomits, Ralph and Chuck, are having a conversation. Ralph says to Chuck "So, were you brought up around here?".
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Old 05-01-2017, 07:54 PM   #12534
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Q. What do "holy war", "smart bombs", "friendly fire", "military intelligence" and "police protection" have in common?

A. They represent real problems with religions and governments.
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Old 05-02-2017, 01:22 AM   #12535
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- What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.

-
A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when drumming stops."
Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"

The native replied, "Bass solo."
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Old 05-02-2017, 09:30 PM   #12536
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I was at a party and someone yelled out, "Hey, does anyone know CPR?"

I replied "CPR? Heck, I know the entire alphabet."

Everyone died laughing...except one guy...he just died.
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Old 05-02-2017, 09:42 PM   #12537
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Wow...Only in Florida You will not believe what just happened. I go to the gas station to get a soda and noticed 2 deputies watching some guy who was smoking while pumping gas. I saw him & thought: 1. This guy has no common sense & 2. Is he really that stupid with deputies right there, too?Anyways, I went inside to get some drinks. As I was checking out, I heard screaming & looked outside. This idiots arm was on ��fire! He was swinging his arm & running around going crazy! I ran outside & the deputies had put him on the ground & were putting the fire out w/their coffees! YES, THEIR COFFEES! Then, they handcuffed him & threw him in the back of the patrol car. I said to myself, That's what you get, shouldn't have been smoking near the pump while getting gas!! So, being the nosey person that I am, I asked them, "What are you charging him with, being stupid?" One of the deputies looked dead at me and said: "FOR WAVING A FIREARM!!!"
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Looking for more of or about her?
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Old 05-02-2017, 10:05 PM   #12538
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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when
you grow up?

Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible. response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you,
Sarah?"

"I wanna be Larry's whore."
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Old 05-02-2017, 11:36 PM   #12539
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Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot

What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

A young drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard..
"Psst! Down here!"

She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.

A woman standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What did you do that for?"

The girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"
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Old 05-03-2017, 06:07 PM   #12540
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Default Bake they do.

What do the Jedi use to make their cakes rise?

Bicarbonate of Yoda.
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