Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum

Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies

Follow Vintage Erotica Forum on Twitter
Best Porn Sites Meet Our Girls Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-25-2017, 11:00 AM   #12531
effCup
Vintage Idiot
 
effCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Dildo Baggins' backyard
Posts: 13,882
Thanks: 153,751
Thanked 158,250 Times in 13,716 Posts
effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isegrim View Post
In the worst case it's an periodical ...
Worse than a half-pregnant pause?
effCup is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to effCup For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 11:08 AM   #12532
Mal Hombre
El Super Moderador
 
Mal Hombre's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Deepest Hampshire
Posts: 28,512
Thanks: 354,687
Thanked 386,455 Times in 28,854 Posts
Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+
Default

Or a prolapsed Semicolon..
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


The nakedness of woman is the work of God-William Blake

It is a porn site,But it's a Classy porn site.
Mal Hombre
Mal Hombre is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Mal Hombre For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 12:14 PM   #12533
bp666
Vintage Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 504
Thanks: 16,673
Thanked 6,191 Times in 506 Posts
bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+
Default

I've been hanging out at the Gym quite a lot lately.

I really need to buy some bigger shorts.....
bp666 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to bp666 For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 12:15 PM   #12534
bp666
Vintage Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 504
Thanks: 16,673
Thanked 6,191 Times in 506 Posts
bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+
Default

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc," says the man, "as long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water colours."

"That’s unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one," said the golfer, "Every time I get an erection I also get a headache."
bp666 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to bp666 For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 12:19 PM   #12535
Isegrim
Senior Member
 
Isegrim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 307
Thanks: 2,803
Thanked 3,694 Times in 307 Posts
Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by effCup View Post
Worse than a half-pregnant pause?
Well, this article says pregnant pauses can be used for punchlines ... I don't know about half-pregnant pauses though ...
Isegrim is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Isegrim For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 01:03 PM   #12536
effCup
Vintage Idiot
 
effCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Dildo Baggins' backyard
Posts: 13,882
Thanks: 153,751
Thanked 158,250 Times in 13,716 Posts
effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isegrim View Post
I don't know about half-pregnant pauses though ...
Joke within joke? /keeps digging/

People often say things like that they feel "half dead", usually after something strenuous such as lifting a half-full/empty glass to their lips, yet pregnancy is typically described in a "binary" manner... by which I don't mean:

"You're having twins? Gosh!"
"Yes, 10 babies."
effCup is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to effCup For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 03:43 PM   #12537
Isegrim
Senior Member
 
Isegrim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 307
Thanks: 2,803
Thanked 3,694 Times in 307 Posts
Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+Isegrim 10000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by effCup View Post
Joke within joke? ...
Yes, mainly coined to bridge the unelegant gap between your "half-pregnant" and my "pregnant" ...

This was a brain twister. I laid stress on the fact that the two meanings of "pregnant" (pause) are often so convoluted that you can hardly tell which one is meant, like in:

"A pregnant pause is a pause in speech lasting 280 days or 40 weeks, whichever comes first. The pause ends with birth."

Though the focus is seemingly on rhetorics this fun definition is really from a pregnancy site.

"Pregnant pause for Punchlines" from the article is a similar example ...

My "pregnant pauses can be used for punchlines" turned it around a second time ...
Isegrim is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Isegrim For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 04:07 PM   #12538
effCup
Vintage Idiot
 
effCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Dildo Baggins' backyard
Posts: 13,882
Thanks: 153,751
Thanked 158,250 Times in 13,716 Posts
effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+effCup 750000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isegrim View Post
This was a brain twister.
I'm not a joke-teller.

As erdy once said: Wortspiele.

As ruff might say: pull someone's finger, why don't you?

No, they don't connect, just illustrate.

If you ever think you've worked it out, let me know.
effCup is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to effCup For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2017, 08:57 PM   #12539
ruffroundedges
Vintage Member
 
ruffroundedges's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In a cave, havn't you been paying attention?
Posts: 5,268
Thanks: 79,030
Thanked 78,227 Times in 5,281 Posts
ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+ruffroundedges 350000+
Default

- What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
"Olive or twist?"

- Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?
2 drinks.

- What is the similarity between American beer and having sex in a rowboat?
They are both SO close to water!

- Two midgets walk into a mini-bar....................................
__________________
Pull my finger.....

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
ruffroundedges is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to ruffroundedges For This Useful Post:
Old 05-26-2017, 03:39 AM   #12540
gmcbee
Vintage Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Clinging to the rim of a crater on the dark side of Uranus.
Posts: 977
Thanks: 3,559
Thanked 8,676 Times in 965 Posts
gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+gmcbee 25000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ruffroundedges View Post
- What is the similarity between American beer and having sex in a rowboat?
They are both SO close to water!
Eric Idle tells it better.
gmcbee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to gmcbee For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 08:01 PM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.