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Old 05-19-2017, 12:03 PM   #12591
Estreeter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gmcbee View Post
Does KY jelly come in mint flavour?
Err If it's used anally it can become choc mint
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:58 PM   #12592
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Default Did he really...?

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Originally Posted by Estreeter View Post
Err If it's used anally it can become choc mint
Eew!

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Old 05-19-2017, 02:14 PM   #12593
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Last Kiss

Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were
riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee
River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks
through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk
her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there
on that railin'?"


She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he
didn't want to appear"sensitive," George also didn't want to miss
this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well,
before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ol' George
here your best last kiss?"


So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just
that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately
by another even better one.


After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval
from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State
Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have
ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar
Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why
are you committing suicide?"


"My parents don't like me dressing
up like a girl."


It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

Last edited by Baresfan; 05-23-2017 at 01:22 PM..
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Old 05-20-2017, 12:39 AM   #12594
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I went to see my doctor the other day. I had a fever, headache, sweats and shivers. I was wearing bell bottom trousers, a flowery wide collar shirt and an afro haircut. The doctor told me, "You've definitely been infected by a retrovirus".
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Old 05-20-2017, 02:09 PM   #12595
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Originally Posted by gedly View Post
... I had a fever ...
Hm, for a saturday night fever it came some days to early ...
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:03 PM   #12596
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
I went to see my doctor the other day. I had a fever, headache, sweats and shivers. I was wearing bell bottom trousers, a flowery wide collar shirt and an afro haircut. The doctor told me, "You've definitely been infected by a retrovirus".
The next day I called in wearing a frilly fronted shirt, long leather boots and a floppy hat with a feather in it.

He said "Don't come striding in here in that cavalier fashion".
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Old 05-20-2017, 10:23 PM   #12597
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Default That was fuggin funny!!!! Next time I'm at the Newfie club Im tellin that one. :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by tygrkhat40 View Post
My favorite Newfie joke: Did you hear about the Newfie who opened a Chinese restaurant? Half an hour later, you're half an hour later.
-A newfie walks into a lumber yard and says, "I's building an 'ouse bye' and needs me some a dat der too be far" The clerks says "You mean 2 by 4?", the newfie says "Yes bye', dat's da stuff." The clerks asks "Well how long do you need it?" The newfie responds "Well bye', I's buildin an 'ouse wit it so I's gonna need it for awhile."

-A Mainlander is driving down the highway and runs over a rabbit. Wondering what noise was, he stops his car and gets out to look. While he's standing there a newfie pulls up and asks him what's going on.
The mainlander says, "I'm just here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed one of your animals."
The newfie takes a look at the rabbit and says, "No problem, bye. Hang'er down a few."
The newfie then goes to his truck and gets an aerosol spray-can, which he proceeds to empty onto the rabbit. When he's done he chucks the empty and says, "There ya go, me son. Enjoy yer stay" then gets in his truck and takes off.
The rabbit gets up, hops 10 feet towards the woods, turns around and waves, hops another 10 feet, turns around and waves, hops another 10 feet, and finally disappears into the woods.
The Mainlander is blown away. Wondering what the newfie did, he grabs the can out of the ditch and reads the label, which says: "Hair spray. Gauranteed to bring dead hair back to life with a permanent wave"

-A newfie was having a hard time attracting women at the beach, so he decided to ask his friend the lifeguard for advice.
"It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos--about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm telling ye, man.. .ye'll have all de babes ye wants!"
The following weekend, the newfie hit the beach with his new Speedos and his fist-sized potato. Everybody he walked past immediately covered their faces and started gagging.
The newfie went back to the lifeguard and said, "I did what ye said, but it's sitll not working."
"Lard-Tunderin' Jeezus b'y!" said lifeguard, "the potato goes in the front!"
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Old 05-20-2017, 10:31 PM   #12598
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Default If you smack em with your gloves on the ref only sees them dropping the gloves.;)

You know your Canadian when you cock a fist at the words "Wanna Go????"
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Old 05-21-2017, 12:29 PM   #12599
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This is my 30th Roman Numeral joke. It may have XXX content.

I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman Numerals. I'm LIVID.

Last edited by bp666; 05-21-2017 at 12:30 PM.. Reason: sp
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Old 05-21-2017, 12:31 PM   #12600
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I can't work my wife out. She left a note on the refrigerator saying "This isn't working. Goodbye".

I opened it and it was working just fine!
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