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Old 05-14-2017, 02:24 AM   #3441
ruffroundedges
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I wish the gorgeous twentysomething waitress who works in the cafe in our apartment building would surrender to her obvious desire to ravish me.
Deaf Genie makes this happen. You are forever banished from the cafe and cannot be within 500 feet of the waitress. If you come close she pelts you with old danishes while wearing a dervish.

You mourn.

I wish my wife would let me have a girlfriend.
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Old 05-16-2017, 12:38 PM   #3442
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One night your having this strange dream and you talk in your sleep. All of a sudden your wife wakes you up. She says to you " I heard you talk in your sleep about me giving you a girlfriend!". "What kind of crap is this?". "I go to to all this trouble to keep a good home. Cook our meals, do the laundry, take care of the children, and this is the thanks I get?!" "No, I will not get you a girlfriend, and if I hear you mention this nonsense in your sleep again, you can sleep on the couch forever and there will be no sex or blowjobs or anal sex or all that kinky stuff you like!" "And if I hear that you are talking in your sleep on the couch and I hear again that you want a girlfriend, I will take you by the scruff of your neck and throw you out of the house, making sure that you land right in front of the garbage truck so you will be crushed flat!" " I can get any man I want to replace you, you ingrate!"


I wish that my refrigerator was always filled with the best imported beers. I would never have to go to the trouble of shopping for them every week.
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Old 05-16-2017, 03:47 PM   #3443
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teaktop. If you are going to play this game you have to abide by it's rules. You did not corrupt the previous member's wish. Therefore your wish is nullified. I will now corrupt bloke57's wish.
I beg to differ unless bloke57 is into having his meat and two veg shredded by a cheese grater while reciting the names of shrubs......mmmmm now that you mention it!!!! your right trailmaster the little durty fecker he can stay outta my kitchen...
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Old 05-17-2017, 11:03 PM   #3444
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^ Doing trailmaster's wish...

Wish granted. You have a lovely fridge full of exotic beer. But you have annoyed teaktop with your pedantry and he sneaks into your house, dumps out one of your bottles of beer and fills it with a nice brew of hot teaktop piss. Giggling, he recaps the bottle and leaves.

It takes you 3 days to work your way to the piss bottle. Taking a deep draught, you realize too late what it is and simultaneously scream and vomit at the same time. Bad idea, since you end up aspirating vomit and choke to death on your kitchen floor.

The police, not sure if any more bottles contain piss, dump all of that lovely exotic beer, hundreds of dollars worth, down the sink...

I wish for my own Airwolf helicopter complete with missiles so I can terrorize traffic helicopters at will.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:12 PM   #3445
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I wish for my own Airwolf helicopter complete with missiles so I can terrorize traffic helicopters at will.
Granted
Sadly unknown to bowlinggreen his hot new girlfriend went to work that day


I wish never to have to pay for anything ever again
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Old 05-18-2017, 10:10 PM   #3446
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Wish granted. It's 100 million b.c. There is no money, no stores, nothing to buy. You just have to live off the land and whoops two Velociraptors just grabbed you. One tore your head off and the other disembowled you. A very bloody mess.


I wish I could live my life over again, and not make all the mistakes I made in my present life.
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Old 05-18-2017, 10:29 PM   #3447
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I wish I could live my life over again, and not make all the mistakes I made in my present life.
Granted. This time around you vow not to waste one single precious moment of your time on the internet. This means you never become a VEF member and therefore never made this wish resulting in you disappearing up the rectum of your own paradox.
I wish I'd played the gardener in the billiard room scene with Marilyn Chambers from the movie Insatiable.

Last edited by loosegoose; 05-19-2017 at 11:44 PM.. Reason: included the name of the movie for the one or two people who have never seen the finest blowjob scene in porn
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Old 05-20-2017, 01:58 AM   #3448
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Wish granted, but in that alternate universe, things play out differently. It turns out that you are not quite "up" for the moment. Given your wilting performance, Marilyn and the director lose patience with you, and the scene quickly turns into something else, with Marilyn strapping on a huge dildo and doing a vicious femdom number on your ass.

Rather than becoming a classic, that scene is relegated to a now forgotten tape of dismal bondage porn. Though it is never forgotten by you, as after that day, you never shit right again.

I wish to discover the secret of clean fusion power, and parley that knowledge into a huge fortune, becoming the head of America's richest corporation, with legions of trembling minions waiting to eagerly fulfill my every command.
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