Post your corny jokes - Page 734

**Mal Hombre** · January 4th, 2014, 08:08 PM

I used to be addicted to leftover Christmas Dinner It got so bad, I had to go Cold turkey....

**gmcbee** · January 4th, 2014, 09:36 PM

To hell with this atychiphobia. I'm just giving up.

You started it, photoflex!

**exfarmer** · January 5th, 2014, 10:36 AM

What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

**electile disfunction** · January 5th, 2014, 05:59 PM

I'm an incorrigible punster. Don't incorrige me!

e.d.

**photoflex** · January 6th, 2014, 12:27 AM

My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child.
It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

**slisse** · January 6th, 2014, 06:47 AM

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was always behind the wheel operating the boat.

He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency.

So one day out on the lake he suddenly said to his wife, "Ok honey, this is a drill. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."

She was initially surprised and flustered, but she soon settled down and was able to safely drive the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.

She sat down next to him, grabbed the remote control, switched the channel, and said to him, "OK honey, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes."

**gmcbee** · January 7th, 2014, 06:32 PM

I was trying to pick up a hot girlie, she finally tired of my advances.
She said "Look, I'm a lesbian, ok?"
Not to be put off so easily, I asked "Oh, how are things in Tripoli, then?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eyjBBcUO9k

**gedly** · January 8th, 2014, 04:54 PM

I trade my skill of determining the degree of tension in the springs of mechanical clocks and watches. I'm a wind up merchant.

MaxJoker · January 8th, 2014, 05:58 PM

Not saying the buggers were arrogant.

Only the Swiss must have been pretty confident in their chances of ultimate victory no matter the odds.

Considering they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

robin999 · January 8th, 2014, 07:47 PM

Sign in delicatessen:

Would customers please refrain from leaning against the meat slicer, we're getting a little behind in our orders.

January 4th, 2014, 08:08 PM	#7331
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,788 Thanked 855,857 Times in 57,575 Posts	I used to be addicted to leftover Christmas Dinner It got so bad, I had to go Cold turkey.... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

January 5th, 2014, 10:36 AM	#7333
exfarmer avvie pic by Estreeter Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Essex, England Posts: 13,737 Thanks: 109,422 Thanked 182,658 Times in 13,045 Posts	What is Santa's favourite pizza? One that's deep pan, crisp and even. __________________ I no longer have time to upload videos, sorry.

January 6th, 2014, 12:27 AM	#7335
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,926 Thanked 127,787 Times in 3,570 Posts	My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

January 6th, 2014, 06:47 AM	#7336
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,518 Times in 2,481 Posts	Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was always behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he suddenly said to his wife, "Ok honey, this is a drill. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." She was initially surprised and flustered, but she soon settled down and was able to safely drive the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, grabbed the remote control, switched the channel, and said to him, "OK honey, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes." __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

January 8th, 2014, 05:58 PM	#7339
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,581 Times in 69,067 Posts	Not saying the buggers were arrogant. Only the Swiss must have been pretty confident in their chances of ultimate victory no matter the odds. Considering they included a corkscrew in their army knife. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

January 4th, 2014, 09:36 PM	#7332
gmcbee Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Clinging to the rim of a crater on the dark side of Uranus. Posts: 1,065 Thanks: 3,961 Thanked 11,051 Times in 1,042 Posts	To hell with this atychiphobia. I'm just giving up. You started it, photoflex!

January 5th, 2014, 05:59 PM	#7334
electile disfunction Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Somewhere flat, that's either hot, cold, or windy ... Canada? Posts: 1,966 Thanks: 42,100 Thanked 21,352 Times in 1,903 Posts	I'm an incorrigible punster. Don't incorrige me! e.d.

January 7th, 2014, 06:32 PM	#7337
gmcbee Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Clinging to the rim of a crater on the dark side of Uranus. Posts: 1,065 Thanks: 3,961 Thanked 11,051 Times in 1,042 Posts	I was trying to pick up a hot girlie, she finally tired of my advances. She said "Look, I'm a lesbian, ok?" Not to be put off so easily, I asked "Oh, how are things in Tripoli, then? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eyjBBcUO9k

January 8th, 2014, 04:54 PM	#7338
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,318 Times in 3,171 Posts	I trade my skill of determining the degree of tension in the springs of mechanical clocks and watches. I'm a wind up merchant.

January 8th, 2014, 07:47 PM	#7340
robin999 Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 46 Thanks: 177 Thanked 1,398 Times in 43 Posts	Sign in delicatessen: Would customers please refrain from leaning against the meat slicer, we're getting a little behind in our orders.