October 1st, 2013, 01:46 PM | #41 |
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A six-foot six skinhead was giving me evils in the pub.
I said, "Keep looking at me like that and you'll be spending the night in casualty." He said, "I'd like to see you fcuking try, you little cnut!" So I stabbed his wife.
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October 1st, 2013, 02:15 PM | #42 |
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Just received hundreds of thousands of friend requests on FaceBook.
All from Ethiopians. Uploaded a sandwich as my profile picture thirty seconds ago.
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October 1st, 2013, 02:20 PM | #43 |
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A depressed lady is standing at a cliffs edge, she's trying to get the nerve up to jump and end it all.
A passing hobo stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?" The lady replies "No...get away from me ya bum" The bum turned to leave and muttered "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom then"
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October 1st, 2013, 02:26 PM | #44 |
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Not wishing to brag.
Only i've had sex with countless women. Yet thanks to Rohypnol none of them know it.
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October 1st, 2013, 02:30 PM | #45 |
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I was given some financial good news today.
The child I've been sponsoring in Africa has been mauled to death by a lion.
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October 2nd, 2013, 12:15 PM | #46 |
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Q ,What's about 18 inches long, stiff and makes a woman scream at night?
A, Cot death.
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October 2nd, 2013, 05:39 PM | #47 |
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I can feel the burning pitchforks in my bum cheeks already !.
"How many sexual partners have you had ?" asked my blind date.
"Not that many and anyway a gentleman hates to tell " i said. "Under ten ?" She demanded. "Ok then" i replied " One was eight , another nine and the other half dozen were seven year olds "
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October 2nd, 2013, 05:59 PM | #48 |
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I heard the Queen's got diarrhoea.
Nobody will have seen royal skidmarks as bad as this since that tunnel in Paris.
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October 2nd, 2013, 06:06 PM | #49 |
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Jeffrey Dahmer's fridge.
Well, you wouldn't want a warm queer, would you?
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October 2nd, 2013, 06:29 PM | #50 |
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Have felt pretty depressed recently, no job, no woman and no prospects.
But then suddenly out of the blue my Muslim neighbour had a quiet word and really cheered me up. Turns out he's been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
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