Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 77

**Hertz** · December 9th, 2015, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
-He breaks his nose.

Estreeter · December 9th, 2015, 03:16 PM

I was waiting at the automatic teller machine for an elderly lady to finish, she was taking way too long

Said she was having problems with her balance,

So, I pushed her over

**SanteeFats** · December 9th, 2015, 04:27 PM

Why don't you see many mini skirts in San Fransisco.
-Cos the skirts don't hide their balls.

What do you say to a hitchhiker with one leg
-Hop in.

What did one gay sperm say to another?
-How do we find an egg in all of this shit!

**SanteeFats** · December 11th, 2015, 07:50 PM

three blondes go into a restaurant have a seat then start masturbating.. the waitress comes over and says "what the hell are you doing?"
the blondes point to a sign that reads..... "FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE"

I was asked to run a marathon, but I said no.
Then I was told it was for spastics and blind kids.
I thought fuck it.
I can win this.

**sweatyhat** · December 13th, 2015, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious.
Don't ever surprise,
Oscar Pistorius.

South African police have installed state of the art technology outside the bail address of Oscar Pistorius to ensure he doesn't leave.
A cattle grid.

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

The South African police have said that Oscar Pistorius may get the electric chair.
If you ask me he was dangerous enough on a pair of stilts, never mind giving the cnut a mobility scooter.

Oscar Pistorius.
Showing the Scottish people you can be free, even though you're usually legless and assaulting women.

What has four arms, two legs, and howls in the night?
Oscar Pistorius being raped by his cellmate.

My mate asked today, "What's the possibility of Oscar Pistorius being found innocent?"
I said, "There's more chance of him getting athlete's foot."

What's got two legs, four arms and one face?
Oscar Pistorius and his girlfriend.

Credit to OPs

**SanteeFats** · December 13th, 2015, 06:21 PM

Q: What did Jesus say to his disciples as he was nailed to the cross?
A: Don't touch my fucking Easter eggs, I'll be back on Sunday!

An Irish priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He
looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The
fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a
couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has
ever fished before, to which the priest says "No".
He baits the hook for the priest and says, "Give it a shot father.". After
a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it into
the boat. The fisherman catches a glimpse of it and says "Whoa, look at
the size of that fucker!"
The priest says, "Uh, please, the Lord is watching would you please mind your language?"
"I'm sorry father," says the fisherman, thinking quickly, "but that's what
this fish is called - a fucker!"
"Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know," the priest replies.
After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the
bishop.
"Look at this big fucker Bishop".
Shocked, the bishop says, "Please, mind your language; this is a house of God."
"No, you don't understand," explains the priest, "that's what this fish
is called, and I caught it. I caught this fucker!"
"Hmmm. You know, I could clean this fucker and we could have it for
dinner!" exclaims the bishop.
So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to the Mother Superior.
"Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My lord, what language!" she says.
"No, Sister, he explains "that's what the fish is called - a fucker!
Father caught the fucker, I cleaned the fucker, and we'd like you to cook the fucker."
Relieved, Mother Superior says, "Sure. I'll cook that fucker tonight."
That night, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they
all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it. "I caught the
fucker!" the priest cries proudly."
"And I cleaned the fucker!"cries the bishop.
"And I cooked the fucker!" finished the Mother Superior.
There's absolute silence, and the Pope stares at them for a minute with a
steely gaze, but then lets out a huge fart, takes off his hat, puts his
feet up on the table, lights up a joint, pours himself a large whisky and
says , "You know what? You cunts are alright."

**SanteeFats** · December 14th, 2015, 09:30 PM

A man is walking through the jungle and he steps in quicksand.
He starts screaming for help, and miraculously someone hears his cries by the time he's up to his waist in quicksand.
"Please! Please help me out of here!"
"Ok, but you gotta suck my dick."
"Fuck no! I'd rather die! You fucking faggot!"
The would-be rescuer leaves, and the man continues his cry for help.
When he's up to his nipples, another man comes by.
"Please! Help me get out!"
"Ok, but you gotta let me fuck you up the arse."
"Get fucked! You fucking faggot!"
Once the man is up to his chin in quicksand, he is really getting desperate, and when a third man comes to answer his cries for help, he screams:
"Please! Help me out of here! I'll suck your dick! You can fuck me up the arse! Anything please!"
The other man looks at him, steps on his face and pushes him down into the quicksand
."Fuckin' faggot."

**Mal Hombre** · December 15th, 2015, 07:26 PM

**SanteeFats** · December 15th, 2015, 10:39 PM

These really make me laugh.

**countjimmoriarty** · December 16th, 2015, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

These really make me laugh.

Then you're as bad as them.

December 9th, 2015, 03:16 PM	#762
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,120 Thanks: 449,724 Thanked 896,893 Times in 60,322 Posts	I was waiting at the automatic teller machine for an elderly lady to finish, she was taking way too long Said she was having problems with her balance, So, I pushed her over __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 15th, 2015, 07:26 PM	#768
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,663 Thanked 855,787 Times in 57,565 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 9th, 2015, 04:27 PM	#763
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,948 Times in 60,879 Posts	Why don't you see many mini skirts in San Fransisco. -Cos the skirts don't hide their balls. What do you say to a hitchhiker with one leg -Hop in. What did one gay sperm say to another? -How do we find an egg in all of this shit!

December 11th, 2015, 07:50 PM	#764
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,948 Times in 60,879 Posts	three blondes go into a restaurant have a seat then start masturbating.. the waitress comes over and says "what the hell are you doing?" the blondes point to a sign that reads..... "FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE" I was asked to run a marathon, but I said no. Then I was told it was for spastics and blind kids. I thought fuck it. I can win this.

December 13th, 2015, 06:21 PM	#766
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,948 Times in 60,879 Posts	Q: What did Jesus say to his disciples as he was nailed to the cross? A: Don't touch my fucking Easter eggs, I'll be back on Sunday! An Irish priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says "No". He baits the hook for the priest and says, "Give it a shot father.". After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it into the boat. The fisherman catches a glimpse of it and says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!" The priest says, "Uh, please, the Lord is watching would you please mind your language?" "I'm sorry father," says the fisherman, thinking quickly, "but that's what this fish is called - a fucker!" "Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know," the priest replies. After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. "Look at this big fucker Bishop". Shocked, the bishop says, "Please, mind your language; this is a house of God." "No, you don't understand," explains the priest, "that's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this fucker!" "Hmmm. You know, I could clean this fucker and we could have it for dinner!" exclaims the bishop. So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to the Mother Superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her. "My lord, what language!" she says. "No, Sister, he explains "that's what the fish is called - a fucker! Father caught the fucker, I cleaned the fucker, and we'd like you to cook the fucker." Relieved, Mother Superior says, "Sure. I'll cook that fucker tonight." That night, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it. "I caught the fucker!" the priest cries proudly." "And I cleaned the fucker!"cries the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" finished the Mother Superior. There's absolute silence, and the Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then lets out a huge fart, takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, lights up a joint, pours himself a large whisky and says , "You know what? You cunts are alright."

December 14th, 2015, 09:30 PM	#767
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,948 Times in 60,879 Posts	A man is walking through the jungle and he steps in quicksand. He starts screaming for help, and miraculously someone hears his cries by the time he's up to his waist in quicksand. "Please! Please help me out of here!" "Ok, but you gotta suck my dick." "Fuck no! I'd rather die! You fucking faggot!" The would-be rescuer leaves, and the man continues his cry for help. When he's up to his nipples, another man comes by. "Please! Help me get out!" "Ok, but you gotta let me fuck you up the arse." "Get fucked! You fucking faggot!" Once the man is up to his chin in quicksand, he is really getting desperate, and when a third man comes to answer his cries for help, he screams: "Please! Help me out of here! I'll suck your dick! You can fuck me up the arse! Anything please!" The other man looks at him, steps on his face and pushes him down into the quicksand ."Fuckin' faggot."

December 15th, 2015, 10:39 PM	#769
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,948 Times in 60,879 Posts	These really make me laugh.