Post your corny jokes - Page 1156

**trailmaster** · September 21st, 2016, 12:18 PM

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"Firetruck"!!! What were you thinking?

What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?
"popcorn" What were you thinking?!?!?!

A totally naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."

This guy comes back from the toilet, when a woman says to him, "Hey, you left your GARAGE door open"!"
As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile, "Did you see my big black hummer?"
The woman replies. "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."

~~}[eywood~~ · September 21st, 2016, 12:27 PM

Hey Trailmaster, what starts with "S" and ends with "EX"?
"Spandex!!" What were you thinking?

What starts with "C" and ends with "OCK"?
"Cellblock!!" Where you might end up if you don't stop this obsessive train of thought, people

**SanteeFats** · September 21st, 2016, 01:26 PM

What is the difference between a snow man and snow women?
Snow balls!!

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

Aaron · September 21st, 2016, 09:28 PM

Wine produced by the short-lived Kaa Vintner is now being compared to King Arthur.

For one brief, shining moment, there was Kaa Merlot.

**Isegrim** · September 22nd, 2016, 07:32 AM

Probably not the Camelot of european romances then ... but rather that of Mark Twains "A Yankee in King Arthur's Court" ...

Yes, I know I am a eurocentric snob ...

**trailmaster** · September 22nd, 2016, 11:15 AM

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

**trailmaster** · September 23rd, 2016, 01:13 PM

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir"
The driver says. "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear--you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once!!?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."
As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma"am?"
"Only when he"s been drinking , officer."

**trailmaster** · September 24th, 2016, 01:08 PM

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and , placeing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

**SanteeFats** · September 24th, 2016, 01:58 PM

My girlfriend got beat up in my house. My wife didn't like her.

**captpike** · September 24th, 2016, 07:09 PM

September 24th, 2016, 07:09 PM	#11560
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,322 Thanked 47,306 Times in 1,164 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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September 21st, 2016, 12:18 PM	#11551
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,895 Thanks: 1,328,998 Thanked 707,195 Times in 60,069 Posts	What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "Firetruck"!!! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? "popcorn" What were you thinking?!?!?! A totally naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money." This guy comes back from the toilet, when a woman says to him, "Hey, you left your GARAGE door open"!" As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile, "Did you see my big black hummer?" The woman replies. "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."

September 21st, 2016, 12:27 PM	#11552
~~}[eywood~~ Banned! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: NY Posts: 548 Thanks: 123 Thanked 3,505 Times in 511 Posts	Hey Trailmaster, what starts with "S" and ends with "EX"? "Spandex!!" What were you thinking? What starts with "C" and ends with "OCK"? "Cellblock!!" Where you might end up if you don't stop this obsessive train of thought, people

September 21st, 2016, 01:26 PM	#11553
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,817 Times in 60,861 Posts	What is the difference between a snow man and snow women? Snow balls!! On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

September 21st, 2016, 09:28 PM	#11554
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	Wine produced by the short-lived Kaa Vintner is now being compared to King Arthur. For one brief, shining moment, there was Kaa Merlot.

September 22nd, 2016, 07:32 AM	#11555
Isegrim Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Posts: 1,094 Thanks: 8,200 Thanked 11,679 Times in 1,099 Posts	Probably not the Camelot of european romances then ... but rather that of Mark Twains "A Yankee in King Arthur's Court" ... Yes, I know I am a eurocentric snob ...

September 22nd, 2016, 11:15 AM	#11556
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,895 Thanks: 1,328,998 Thanked 707,195 Times in 60,069 Posts	A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

September 23rd, 2016, 01:13 PM	#11557
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,895 Thanks: 1,328,998 Thanked 707,195 Times in 60,069 Posts	A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir" The driver says. "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear--you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once!!?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher." As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma"am?" "Only when he"s been drinking , officer."

September 24th, 2016, 01:08 PM	#11558
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,895 Thanks: 1,328,998 Thanked 707,195 Times in 60,069 Posts	A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and , placeing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

September 24th, 2016, 01:58 PM	#11559
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,817 Times in 60,861 Posts	My girlfriend got beat up in my house. My wife didn't like her.