Lewd Limericks

[Solid]

There is a young woman in Crewe
She masturbates with a didgeridoo
She's also used marrows from street market barrows
And one time a two-man canoe

[Solid]

Give me a town or city. I'll see what I can come up with.

Don't rush me, though - I'm shite at commitment.

[ruffroundedges]

One of mine:

There once was a frog green and brown
Who loved to jump up and down
He jumped so high he jumped to the sky
And then he went Splat on the ground

[skullorchard]

I knew a girl named Lil'
Who used dynamite for a thrill.
They found her vagina in North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

[jazz-aardvark]

There was a boy called Dean
Who built himself a wanking machine
On the 29th stroke, the bloody thing broke
And whipped his balls to cream

[Mantissa]

There was a young girl of Uttoxeter,
So cute that men shook their cocks at her.
From one of these cocks
She contracted the pox,
And she poxed all the cocks in Uttoxeter.

[ruffroundedges]

Not mine.

There once was a fellow O'Doole
Who found little red spots on his tool
His Doctor a cynic
said Get out of me clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

[Mantissa]

For those who are somewhat frugal,
Try the Irish whore, Maggie O'Dougal.
She's not a great fuck,
But for only a buck
She'll blow you like you were a bugle.

[Pinkpapercut]

Originally Posted by JJ3027

There once was a young lady from Dallas,
Who used a dynamite stick for a fallus,
They found her vagina, in South Carolina,
And the rest of her anus in Dallas

BTW - this is from around 50 years ago. Weird what is burned into your memory

I know this as:

There was a young lady named Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

more like 30 years ago in my case

[Pinkpapercut]

Originally Posted by sueryan

It is purely co-incidental that that the Catholic church is involved in inquiries regarding the abuse of young boys and that Pope Benedict is in Birmingham UK this weekend.


There once was a bishop from Birmingham
Who buggered young boys while confirming 'em
He would kneel on his hassock
and lift up his cassock
And pump the episcopal sperm in 'em

I know this as:

There were two young ladies from Birmingham
And here is the story concerning 'em
They lifted the frock
And diddled the cock
Of the Bishop as he was confirming 'em

The Bishop was nobody's fool,
He'd been to a top public school
He took down his britches
And fucked both those bitches
With his twelve-inch Episcopal tool

But that didn't startle those two -
They laughed as the Bishop withdrew,
"Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And longer and stronger than you !"