Post your corny jokes - Page 1323

**gedly** · March 25th, 2018, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fatrat1

Why does it take 10 women with PMT to change a light bulb?

Because it fucking does OK!!!

Why does it take 10 women with PMT to change a light bulb? So they can get a bloke to do it and tell him if he's done it right!

**fatrat1** · March 25th, 2018, 09:49 AM

William Shakespeare walks into a pub. Landlord says to him 'I'm not serving you your Bard'

**fatrat1** · March 25th, 2018, 09:52 AM

How can you tell if a farmer is good at his job?

A: Because he'll be outstanding in his field.

**bfg9000** · March 25th, 2018, 02:26 PM

Erection: Where China picks it's politicians

**mrfixit** · March 25th, 2018, 06:47 PM

Returning home a day early from an out-of-town business trip, a man caught a taxi from the airport shortly after midnight. On the cab journey, he confided to the driver that he thought his wife was having an affair. As they pulled up outside his house, the businessman asked the driver: “Would you come inside with me and be a witness?”
The driver agreed, and they both crept into the bedroom. The man then turned on the lights, pulled the blanket back and, sure enough, his wife was naked in bed with another man.
In a jealous rage, the businessman pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot his wife’s lover. “Don’t do it,” she pleaded. “This man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the new car I bought you for your birthday? Who do you think paid for our new boat? Who do you think paid for the deposit on this house? He did!”
His mind in turmoil, the husband looked over at the cab driver and asked: “What would you do in a case like this?”
The cabbie said: “I think I’d cover him up before he catches cold.”

**mrfixit** · March 25th, 2018, 07:03 PM

Three insurance salesmen were sitting in a restaurant boasting about their companies’ speed of service.
The first said: “When one of our policyholders died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife so quickly that she received the cheque by Thursday morning.”
The second said: “When one of our insured died on Monday, we were able to hand-deliver a cheque to his widow the same evening.”
The third said: “That’s nothing. Our office is on the eighteenth floor. One of our insured, who was washing a window on the seventy-third floor, slipped and fell on Monday. We handed him his cheque as he passed our floor!”

**rosestone** · March 26th, 2018, 05:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fatrat1

William Shakespeare walks into a pub. Landlord says to him 'I'm not serving you your Bard'

Vincent Van Gogh walks into a pub. Landlord says to him "Do you want a pint?", Van Gogh says, "No thanks, I've got one ear".

**machman** · March 26th, 2018, 11:16 AM

You know you're getting old when you are able to hysterically laugh, cough, sneeze and fart all at the same time

**effCup** · March 26th, 2018, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by machman

and fart all at the same time

It gets better | worse as you get even older.

**gedly** · March 26th, 2018, 06:01 PM

The police kicked down my front door and tazered me. It all came as quite a shock.

March 25th, 2018, 09:49 AM	#13222
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	William Shakespeare walks into a pub. Landlord says to him 'I'm not serving you your Bard' __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 25th, 2018, 09:52 AM	#13223
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	How can you tell if a farmer is good at his job? A: Because he'll be outstanding in his field. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 25th, 2018, 02:26 PM	#13224
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	Erection: Where China picks it's politicians __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

March 25th, 2018, 06:47 PM	#13225
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,827 Thanked 114,812 Times in 9,416 Posts	Returning home a day early from an out-of-town business trip, a man caught a taxi from the airport shortly after midnight. On the cab journey, he confided to the driver that he thought his wife was having an affair. As they pulled up outside his house, the businessman asked the driver: “Would you come inside with me and be a witness?” The driver agreed, and they both crept into the bedroom. The man then turned on the lights, pulled the blanket back and, sure enough, his wife was naked in bed with another man. In a jealous rage, the businessman pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot his wife’s lover. “Don’t do it,” she pleaded. “This man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the new car I bought you for your birthday? Who do you think paid for our new boat? Who do you think paid for the deposit on this house? He did!” His mind in turmoil, the husband looked over at the cab driver and asked: “What would you do in a case like this?” The cabbie said: “I think I’d cover him up before he catches cold.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

March 25th, 2018, 07:03 PM	#13226
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,827 Thanked 114,812 Times in 9,416 Posts	Three insurance salesmen were sitting in a restaurant boasting about their companies’ speed of service. The first said: “When one of our policyholders died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife so quickly that she received the cheque by Thursday morning.” The second said: “When one of our insured died on Monday, we were able to hand-deliver a cheque to his widow the same evening.” The third said: “That’s nothing. Our office is on the eighteenth floor. One of our insured, who was washing a window on the seventy-third floor, slipped and fell on Monday. We handed him his cheque as he passed our floor!” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

March 26th, 2018, 11:16 AM	#13228
machman Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 508 Thanks: 5,185 Thanked 15,484 Times in 494 Posts	You know you're getting old when you are able to hysterically laugh, cough, sneeze and fart all at the same time

March 26th, 2018, 06:01 PM	#13230
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,309 Times in 3,171 Posts	The police kicked down my front door and tazered me. It all came as quite a shock.

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