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Old 12-26-2016, 02:28 PM   #3991
MaxJoker
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Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year

~ Victor Borge

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments

~ Chris Rock

What knockers

~ Doctor Fronkonsteeeein
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Old 12-26-2016, 02:48 PM   #3992
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"I have been half in love with easeful death"
- Keats 'Ode To a Nightingale'

"Everything is vague to a degree you do not realise till you have tried to make it precise."
- Bertrand Russell

"You know what she says 'The Secret' to life is? Positive imagery. You've got to visualise the things you want to have happen. Can you believe that? Bitch, fly to Africa and tell one of those starving kids that all they need to do is imagine roast beef and mashed potatoes."
- Dave Chappelle
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Old 12-26-2016, 06:54 PM   #3993
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Lightbulb Dale Carnegie




Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.


When I asked him -Mr.Henry Ford- if he ever worried, he replied: "No. I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe that every-thing will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about?


The words "Think and Thank" are inscribed in many of the Cromwellian churches of England. These words ought to be inscribed in our hearts, too: "Think and Thank". Think of all we have to be grateful for, and thank God for all our boons and bounties.


The world is so full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.


When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.


If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don't want to be.


Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.


Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.


Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.


Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.


Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.


Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, 'I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.' That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.


People like people who help them like themselves.


Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.


Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.


The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.


Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.


One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.


Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.


If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.


There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.


Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.


Take a chance! All life is a chance.


It isn't work that makes you tired, it's your mental attitude.
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Old 12-31-2016, 03:38 PM   #3994
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Lovejoy - To Sleep No More

Lovejoy '' Sleepers are antiques that have disappeared, just drifted away like a gob of spit in a storm.

--------------------------------------------------

Lady Jane
'' Could this be the fortune Sam told his wife about ? ''

Lovejoy '' Cunning old fart. Question is what are they and where are they ? ''

Mrs Cameron '' Hot water Madam ! "

She bangs the pot of tea down on the table in disgust.

Lady Jane '' Thank you Mrs Cameron. You do that deliberately. ''
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Old 01-02-2017, 08:06 AM   #3995
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Haters have got to hate, like the douches have to douche.

~ Guy Lapointe in Yoga Hosers
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Old 01-04-2017, 03:48 PM   #3996
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Ring out the false, ring in the true

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

Celebrate what you want to see more of

~ Tom Peters

Dear Baby Jesus


~ Ricky Bobby
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Old 01-04-2017, 04:22 PM   #3997
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History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

If you're going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.
The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Winston Churchill

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
Winston Churchill

You've got simultaneous epidemics of obesity and starvation. Explain that one!
David Nix (Hugh Laurie) from Tomorrowland: A World Beyond (2015)

Every day above ground is a good day.
Mel Bernstein (Harris Yulin) from Scarface (1983)
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Old 01-05-2017, 08:18 AM   #3998
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devius View Post
Winston Churchill
Soon as I saw that I thought of another brilliant Englishman

Do unto others, then run

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand


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Old 01-12-2017, 12:56 AM   #3999
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The is the narration from the "Previously on" recap at the start of an episode in the middle of the first season of the old show 'Dirt'. I love the attitude in the first part of it.

Quote:
"Hi, its me, Don Konkey. I'm a photographer for Dirt Now magazine. I'm also a highly functional schizophrenic, blah, blah, blah. No offense but if you don't know that by now then you have worse attention skills than me. That's Lucy Spiller. Again, no offense, but you should really be up on this shit by now. Lucy has sorta problem with men. But that's not the case with Holt McLaren. Lucy got what she wanted. Holt got worms. Remember those pictures I took of happily married action hero and international superstar Jack Dawson Lucy's brother Leo a while back? They're starting to cause a lot of trouble. Holt didn't see the worms when he threw up but he did see the tracks marks on the arm of his girlfriend, Julie Mallory. Magazine is doing this big story about this cheerleader murder. Turns out the murdered girl was involved with the town preacher. Oh, and she was pregnant. He was also sleeping with his daughter. I don't think there will be any World's Greatest Dad mugs coming his way soon. Lucy ran that on the cover. Not everyone was happy. On the bright side I'm dating again. And I'm 99% sure this one is real."
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Old 01-12-2017, 10:01 AM   #4000
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Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?

Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western.

~The Blues Brothers (1980)
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