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Old 11-20-2008, 04:06 PM   #1
MaxJoker
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Big Grin Mmmmmmmmm miscellaneous mirth montages.

I`m thinking it`s time for me to grow up and face then deal with my financial responsibilities once and for all . For one thing it`s what us proper adults do, and for another there`s only space in the back garden to bury three or four more bailiffs at best.
So i was thinking that those people (Not us ,those other people ) out there buy any old shite , especially the musical kind . So what better time to seriously start squeezing that public purse than with a senti-mental Christmas album ?.Well no time , that`s when !
Anyway i`ve had a mock up cover done with the sort of thing i`m going for , although as you can see there was a slight problem with the spelling .



I think they misheard me over the phone ? .

But that`s not important right now .
The albums going to be called - Disability Blues - , and will soon be available through Stanna StairLift Records .

It`s got nine tracks , and each has a subtle theme ...

1) " Forgot your troubles , so how`d ya`know you`re unhappy " _ Alzheimer Suffers
2) "Jingle bells jingle bell , jingle all the day" _ Tinnitus Afflicted
3) "I`m dreaming of a white Christmas, but can afford only Chrystel Meth" _ Drug addition
4) "My nuts roasting on an open fire, hot flames shooting up my nose" _ Burn Victims
5) "These shoes were made for walking, but now are on Ebay" _ Spinal Injuries
6) "Cocksuckermotherfuckerbitchbastardsonofashit" _ Tourettes Syndrome
7) "How much is that doggy in the window, and whats a window ? " _ The Blind
8) "Silent night , every night " _ The Deaf
9) "I`m once , twice , three times the same person " _ Schizophrenia Patients

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Last edited by MaxJoker; 12-09-2008 at 07:22 AM.. Reason: Added the picture of me rockin da house old Skull style
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Old 11-20-2008, 04:33 PM   #2
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"Jingle bells jingle bell , jingle all the day" _ Tinnitus Afflicted

"Silent night , every night " _ The Deaf
Funny co-incidence!
Well, I have played all kinds of noise over 20 years, especially drums, so I might love these cheesy tunes! Just few weeks ago I had an idea to sing "Jingle Bells" through vocoder, resonator AND distortion , friends and relatives are getting "different" e-card from me this Christmas!!! Maybe I distribute it to Bit Torrent, Rapidshare, few blogs and p2p-pages and VEF on January and disappoint of lame feedback of my art and lack of downloads from LinkBuxxx , or whadda hell is dat fukkink ting, anyway.
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Old 11-21-2008, 02:45 AM   #3
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E-card eh , well that`s beats what i was going to send them , nothing .

You know music is in my blood , or would be if i had any . Right now it just pools on the floor with maybe a few drops nestling in my joints. Talking of joints let`s meet my band .

The Skeleton Crew



(From left to right )

There`s the Splinter brothers (They`re fused at the hip) on trumpets - No knees Flynn on lead Bass - Skinned Clive on percussion, with what`s left of his family - Bleachy McLegless on horn ,he`s in the rafters - Jimmy Grin who plays the scythe , mainly during contract negotiations - Paddy PipeCleaner O'Reilly , from Africa originally he toots a mean tooter - Then there's me i`m lead Vocals and main song writer , also as you can see i`m wearing a red cap and preparing for a fast getaway if the need arises - Then last and defiantly least it`s Cracking Joe who we hung during his audition, shouldn`t even be touring with us really but i used my best belt to hang him and haven`t managed to untie the knot yet .


" Rev it up and Rock it out ! "

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Last edited by MaxJoker; 11-22-2008 at 01:46 AM.. Reason: Rock don`t need any
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Old 11-21-2008, 10:23 AM   #4
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Well, while I'll wait that Santa Clara brings me



herself ...

I plan to listen to the popular group Ronny Jeremy and the Muffdivers feat. Johnny Holmes and the Long Dong Silvers with their great songs "Do you CeeCee what I CeeCee? (Colored Climax Blues Band Remix)", "Here cums Santa Claus", "Jingle my bells", "Rudolph, my red-dicked reindeer" and "Let it drop! Let it drop! Let it drop!"

Last edited by Leprechaun; 11-21-2008 at 10:57 AM.. Reason: Welcome to our weekly quiz 'Removed or not removed - that's the question'!
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Old 11-21-2008, 11:01 AM   #5
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Now that`s what i`m talking about and looking for Leprechaun , i knew you wouldn`t let me down great stuff

So if anyone can think of other Christmas porn puns or some not for children rhymes please post them and let`s all "Get down with the Claus !!! "



Everybody now ...

"Rude-olph the red nose raindeer , liked S&M far too much , so once he`s finished a session , his extremities you shouldn`t touch "




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Last edited by MaxJoker; 11-21-2008 at 03:45 PM.. Reason: Made the song more punchy , cause that`s what the kids like nowadays
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Old 11-21-2008, 11:21 AM   #6
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Now that`s what i`m talking about and looking for Leprechaun , i knew you wouldn`t let me down great stuff
It's always a pleasure!

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Old 11-22-2008, 02:02 AM   #7
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What nobody else found my band amusing or the effort worthy ? , gee's hope the public aren't as demanding because my musical career might be over before it`s even begun


Oh well maybe a Christmas poem will help warm up the old thanking finger


- Santa`s Closing Time Visit -

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, i knew from the sound that bastard had fell . He spat on the floor while scratching his rear and stuffed all our stockings with empty bottles of beer , plus a bow covered dildo for my dad who`s a queer .Then rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart , that dumb arsehole blew the chimney apart .He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all , have a Fucking crap night !"



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Last edited by MaxJoker; 11-22-2008 at 02:05 AM.. Reason: Wait until Dec 25th
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Old 11-25-2008, 03:58 PM   #8
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"Pump up the let down , pump up the let down , frown frown "



http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vPaGQEskSKM
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Old 12-03-2008, 03:32 PM   #9
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In case you`re stuck at what to get the sod who has everything .



Although i always find the gift of a sudden fat lip is an unbeatable surprise




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Old 12-09-2008, 08:22 AM   #10
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Another seasonally spiced Crimbo thread can be viewed here , and remember make sure you tell Santa Texas exactly what you want on the big day as he`s promised to get it.

http://www.vintage-erotica-forum.com...567#post472567

Providing you`ve been good all year





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Last edited by MaxJoker; 12-09-2008 at 08:24 AM.. Reason: Nope
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