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Old 01-30-2017, 05:14 PM   #12331
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A brunette, redhead, and blonde are stranded on the edge of a cliff. An angel appears and instructs them to jump off the cliff and say out loud what they would like to land on safely. The brunette goes first. She jumps and says, "Pillows!" She lands on a pile of pillows at the bottom. The redhead goes next. She jumps and says "Feathers!" She lands on a mass of feathers below. The blonde walks up to the edge, but trips on a rock, yelling, "Shit!" as she falls off.
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Old 01-31-2017, 04:38 PM   #12332
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Metric freaks? I can smell them a kilometre away.
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Old 02-01-2017, 05:45 PM   #12333
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Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
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Old 02-01-2017, 09:56 PM   #12334
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Lots of People are saying that David Bowie left behind an amazing Legacy.

That is weird...

He doesn't fit the stereotype of your typical Subaru driver...
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Old 02-04-2017, 02:04 PM   #12335
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Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, "I'm a vet, so I can drive like an animal."

It was at that moment that I suddenly realised just how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.
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Old 02-04-2017, 02:36 PM   #12336
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Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?"
The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."
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Old 02-04-2017, 02:55 PM   #12337
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jafad View Post
Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
I once went on a course on how to deal with negative emotions. I just had to leave. There was just so much bad feelings.
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Old 02-05-2017, 06:13 AM   #12338
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PJayBr View Post
Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, "I'm a vet, so I can drive like an animal."

It was at that moment that I suddenly realised just how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.
Proctologists. In my area, it's proctologists.
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Old 02-05-2017, 09:43 AM   #12339
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PJayBr View Post
"I'm a vet, so I can drive like an animal."
War can do that to many folks. Funny, though, how they don't simply drive like a bullet-train driver?
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Old 02-06-2017, 07:46 PM   #12340
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I asked my greengrocer why his lettuce stocks seemed so low, and said that three quarters of his icebergs were under the counter....
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