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Old 09-10-2008, 11:31 PM   #1
daddynick
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Big Grin Post your corny jokes

A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom
Blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
Bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
Hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
Bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
Beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time , the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
Her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor
Moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it and Not me?'
'Because he has............
A LICKER LICENSE!
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Old 09-10-2008, 11:42 PM   #2
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At school little Johnny learns about medicines.

The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of
medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said: Tylenol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.

The second pupil said: Nytol
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: Viagra
"Johnny. What is it used for?"
I think it can be used for diarrhea.

Who told you this? "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my
father

"take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder".
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Old 09-12-2008, 12:22 AM   #3
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Default

Another at school gag.

The teacher asks the kids "If you were covered in something other than skin, what would you like it to be and why?"

The first kid replies "Gold, so I could scratch a bit off then gather it up and buy a BMW"

The next boy says "Platinum, because it's more expensive than gold, so if I scratched a bit off, I could get a Ferrarri".

Johnny replies "I'd like to be covered in pubic hair. My older sister's only got a little patch, but you want to see the amount of cars outside her house".
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Old 09-13-2008, 04:05 AM   #4
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I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'


Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon,and martinis into urine. And, we're pretty damn good at it too!!'
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Old 09-14-2008, 01:19 AM   #5
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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to
the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my
shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed
in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent
splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at
me for staying out so late!

His buddy looks at him and says 'Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on
the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep.
It Works Every Time!
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Old 09-14-2008, 10:11 PM   #6
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What's white and dribbles on the floor?




Cum dancing
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Old 09-18-2008, 02:56 AM   #7
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A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

__._,_.___
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Old 09-18-2008, 02:57 AM   #8
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A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."
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Old 09-18-2008, 10:06 AM   #9
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Bloke orders a pint and nips off to the toilet while it is being poured.

While he is away a black woman jumps on the bar and blows off in his freshly poured pint.

He returns to taste his beer and is disgusted by it and asks the barman why his pint is off.

The barman explains and points out the woman concerned.

The man turns to her and says, "Here, you fart in my Whitbread?"

To which she replies, "No, Tessa Sanderson."

Last edited by django mutney; 09-19-2008 at 03:11 AM..
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Old 09-20-2008, 12:04 AM   #10
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Sports news:

Amir Khan had an Aids test after his last fight, because he'd been beaten round the ring.
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