Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum

Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies

Follow Vintage Erotica Forum on Twitter
Best Porn Sites Meet Our Girls Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-05-2017, 10:44 PM   #3371
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: ON The Illinois Prairie Path the greatest trail in Illinois
Posts: 9,799
Thanks: 778,374
Thanked 109,147 Times in 9,876 Posts
trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+
Smile

Wish granted. Carol Kirkwood comes to your flat to give her weather forecast in the nude. She undresses and you are shocked by what you see. Her breasts are old and withered and sag as if she was in her 80's. Without the tons of makeup she usually uses on the telly, the skin on her face is all dry and wrinkled, and guess what: the worst of all is that she is a lesbian. She starts to chase you around your flat and you are screaming for her to get out. You run into your bedroom, but before you can lock the door Ms Kirkwood gives you a body slam and both of you tumble to the floor. She is trying to kiss you and stick her tongue in your mouth. You grab her,manage to get up and now you are pushing her away from you. She has grabbed onto you and both of you fall through your bedroom window and out into the street only to be impaled on several of the tines of a wrought iron fence.

I wish that my nose was a little shorter.

Last edited by trailmaster; 03-09-2017 at 10:43 PM..
trailmaster is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 03-11-2017, 11:08 PM   #3372
bowlinggreen
Vintage Member
 
bowlinggreen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,717
Thanks: 19,735
Thanked 19,027 Times in 1,721 Posts
bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+bowlinggreen 50000+
Default

Granted. You are now Li Ming:



And no plastic surgery for you.

I wish I could enter the minds of porn stars and use my psychic powers of persuasion to prevent them from getting horrible boob jobs or shaving their pussies without my permission.
__________________
So much porn, so little time...
bowlinggreen is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to bowlinggreen For This Useful Post:
Old 03-16-2017, 08:36 AM   #3373
teaktop
Veteran Member
 
teaktop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,199
Thanks: 31,273
Thanked 55,394 Times in 4,299 Posts
teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+teaktop 250000+
Default



Or sad news the new CEO of Playboy, Mr bowlinggeen has Alzheimers


I would like to kick Donald Trump in the nuts and get away with it
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by teaktop; 03-16-2017 at 08:53 AM..
teaktop is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to teaktop For This Useful Post:
Old 03-17-2017, 04:53 AM   #3374
footstep
Lost luggages?
 
footstep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: France
Posts: 5,622
Thanks: 61,649
Thanked 53,507 Times in 5,538 Posts
footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+footstep 250000+
Default

Wish granted.
you sell his nuts to North Korea president and becomes famous. But he's jealous, and James Korea 007 kills you , forcing you to eat nuts with French frogs.
I wish my National Rugby team were world champion.
footstep is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to footstep For This Useful Post:
Old 03-18-2017, 09:48 PM   #3375
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: ON The Illinois Prairie Path the greatest trail in Illinois
Posts: 9,799
Thanks: 778,374
Thanked 109,147 Times in 9,876 Posts
trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+
Smile

Wish granted. Your National Rugby team is world champion 63 million years ago. Look, Up in the sky, Oh no, What is it! Splaaaaaaaaaaaaat a 6 mile wide asteroid hits the Earth and the dinosaurs and your rugby team are crushed into almost nothing.


I wish I would get a box free in the mail and it would have a brand new computer and printer in it with Windows 7 installed.
trailmaster is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 03-18-2017, 10:05 PM   #3376
bigtrain45
Vintage Member
 
bigtrain45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 8,183
Thanks: 23,282
Thanked 108,610 Times in 8,151 Posts
bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+bigtrain45 500000+
Default

Wish granted, but the computer is also loaded with spyware and viruses, sends your credit card info to a gambling addict in Las Vegas, and sends emails to the White House threatening a presidential assassination. You are arrested, and with all your money gone, are forced to use a public defender at your trial, and you are sentenced to life in prison in Leavenworth.

I wish I was 30 years old and a star player for the Washington Nationals.
bigtrain45 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to bigtrain45 For This Useful Post:
Old 03-19-2017, 02:27 PM   #3377
tygrkhat40
Long Suffering Bills Fan
 
tygrkhat40's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: The City of Good Neighbors
Posts: 8,729
Thanks: 261,969
Thanked 112,743 Times in 8,711 Posts
tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+tygrkhat40 500000+
Default

Quote:
Granted. But while going up for a rebound, you and your opponent come down hard and he falls on you and your right knee bends at a 90 degree angle to the left. Your knee is shredded like so much tissue paper that it takes three years of rehab to be able to walk without support.
OK, let's fix this. While rounding second, you trip over the bag, bending your right knee at a 90 degree angle to the left. Your knee is shredded like so much tissue paper that it takes three years of rehab to be able to walk without support.

I wish for a modicum of sanity at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Last edited by tygrkhat40; 03-19-2017 at 02:41 PM.. Reason: bigtrain reminded me the Nationals are a baseball team, not basketball.
tygrkhat40 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to tygrkhat40 For This Useful Post:
Old 03-20-2017, 08:39 PM   #3378
loosegoose
Vintage Member
 
loosegoose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,705
Thanks: 17,818
Thanked 22,789 Times in 2,670 Posts
loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+loosegoose 100000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tygrkhat40 View Post
I wish for a modicum of sanity at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Granted. But your modicum of sanity has no impact on a hogshead of batshit crazy.
I wish to ride a dinosaur whilst playing the kazoo.
loosegoose is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to loosegoose For This Useful Post:
Old 03-20-2017, 08:49 PM   #3379
bloke57
Vintage Member
 
bloke57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,864
Thanks: 13,263
Thanked 30,080 Times in 2,878 Posts
bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+bloke57 100000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by loosegoose View Post
I wish to ride a dinosaur whilst playing the kazoo.
Granted. You are transported back in time with your little kazoo in your warm palm.

But you find that, unbeknown to palaeontologists, dinosaurs are both intelligent and musically sophisticated. In fact there are several dinosaur string quartets vying for top artistic credibility.



As a result, you are considered a sad, moronic lesser species and are confined to an institution - where you are subject to invasive experiments for the rest of your natural life.

I wish I could get rid of this cold, sore throat and cough I've had for a month.
bloke57 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to bloke57 For This Useful Post:
Old 03-21-2017, 11:25 AM   #3380
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: ON The Illinois Prairie Path the greatest trail in Illinois
Posts: 9,799
Thanks: 778,374
Thanked 109,147 Times in 9,876 Posts
trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+trailmaster 500000+
Smile

Wish granted. You're digging in your vegetable garden and your hoe hits something metallic. You dig it up and it is an old style metal lamp. You hold it in your hand and rub it and out pops a genie who grants you one wish. You wish for the end of your very bad cold and cough. The genie says "wish granted" and the lamp and the genie disappear and you do too. You wake up, but something is weird. You seem kind of small and furry. Then you see others of your kind. You're a quokka on Rottnest Island 18 kilometers off the coast of the city of Perth, Australia. Quokkas don't get colds.

I wish for a new laptop with Windows 7 installed and a new printer.
trailmaster is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 11:34 AM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.