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Old 10-27-2016, 12:53 PM   #301
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Default Delayed arrival in New York expected

The Italian luxury linear Andrea Doria is expected to arrive a little late. Apparently there was one of those “I thought you were passing to starboard…oh, you did too” moments that has caused a few problems.

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Old 10-27-2016, 01:32 PM   #302
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Lightbulb Hold the page not near the front , but closer to the star signs and crossword section, as ....

Jonah Corbinns has been erected Labour dead weight anchor !.

Yet who could blame the membership given he has the sort of sparkling charisma best found in a month old stale glass of ditch water.



"I`ll bring the Tories to account"

He told me.

"By how much ?"

I replied.



Then asked him to show his poker face.

Which coincidentally (Sources claim) is just how he looks when on the toilet after a boiled egg and bean madras curry .



Not that I doubt for an instant he isn't fully organised and has at least a quarter of a clue what he`s doing.



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Old 01-04-2017, 11:29 AM   #303
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Lightbulb 04/04/1942

Postcards go into melt down over Mussolini`s latest boast.



A spokesman was unavailable for comment.
Which of course is code for communist once you remove the ent and add the unist.
Will Italy be switching to the Russian side by tomorrow and using it`s entire air force (That`s right , both planes) to bomb Berlin into submission ?
Reliable sources at the bottom of my whisky bottle said yes !
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Old 03-02-2017, 02:51 PM   #304
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Default

Fuck !!!!!



Now I'll never get his recipes for deep fried everything
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Old 03-06-2017, 07:01 PM   #305
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Default

WAR!

"I give you the Capellan Confederation..."

Subliminal message to my fellow BattleTech dweebs out there.
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Old 03-13-2017, 04:07 PM   #306
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Exclamation V.E.F , always ramming the truth home unashamedly unlubed

This roughly just crammed in

Bi-Anally ladies moan and all round professional (A source claimed tomorrow ) holocaust denier . Sir Cliff Dickson (82) admits he`s never heard himself sing (Or whatever that awful rasping weak noise is he does with his mouth) even once , by accident



Legendary ball handler Cliff Sir Dyke (64) stared at me honestly full in the face. Or probably would have done if I`d been in the same room with him.



The nation was shocked into stunned numbness at the news either way



Not this always out of his depth and under the influence intrepid V.E.F reporter though

Since it stands to treason Craig Richie (Of no fixed abode) couldn't have ever heard what he sounds like.

Given he`s not killed himself , yet




Christopher Biggins was unavailable for comment ,




As we couldn't be arsed to pay him his fifty pence fee
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Old 03-15-2017, 12:27 PM   #307
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Lightbulb V.E.F , forever thrusting hard news into you over and over !

Al Pacino , Robert De Niro and James Cann secret lovers for years





A friend of the family claimed today.




Lovers of Bavarian Black lager



Ok it was a friend of my family who claimed that.
Butt still.
Mmmmm Bavarian Black lager.
A refreshing drink that sustains your thirst by cunningly containing a teaspoon of salt per 10mls.
"Nice right ?" I yelled at the stars across the set of their latest movie Three men and a little lady , after somebody had said action.
The angry faces and curses which followed explained more about their understandable frustrations at not owning one of Bavarian Black lager`s cool new T-Shirts , than mere words ever could.



Sizes ,

Kathy Bates (Large)
Rosie O'Donnell (Extra large)
Oprah Winfrey (Sides slit to armpits)

Available free with seventy Bavarian Black lager bottle tops



Plus £24.99 P&P
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Old 03-18-2017, 05:13 PM   #308
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Lightbulb Sod holding the front page , hold onto your gag reflexes instead , as !

Jodie Foster (Of Little Women fame) refused to deny she`d refused to deny a denial that was a refusal as to if she was now dating the most toothy actor in Hollywood.
Sources I've not yet spoken to , haven't claimed.
Hmmm exactly.
Doth (Pauses to double check what doth means) the les ... Ahem ... lady protest too much ?

Sadly Homo , I mean Tomo Cruisey was unavailable for comment.

Although this acned crystal meth addicted hack did spot him hiding between Jess Fester`s man boobs at the latest AA meeting, and took a quick snap



Do I now deserve a Pulitzer for this earth shuddering story you ask

Well if not that then a quick tug under the table at least
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Old 03-18-2017, 09:57 PM   #309
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Default

Paris Hilton did a sex tape! Hopefully someone will leak it.
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Old 03-20-2017, 11:46 PM   #310
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Default



...and a 'real' fake:

Quote:
Originally Posted by chip View Post


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Last edited by tmee2000; 03-21-2017 at 03:54 AM.. Reason: It's been done
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