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Old 03-19-2017, 10:53 PM   #12291
gmcbee
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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:58 PM   #12292
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Police came to my door today holding a picture of my wife.

"Is this your wife sir?" the copper asked. 'Yes' I answered.

"I'm afraid it looks like she's been run over by a bus" he said.

"I know" said I, "but she takes it up the arse and she's good with the kids!"
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Old 03-20-2017, 09:01 PM   #12293
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My wife is going to be a mummy very soon now.

I've only got her head left to wrap.
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Old 03-21-2017, 06:24 PM   #12294
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Paddy goes to the building site dressed as a Red Indian,Mick says, "Why are you dressed like that ?,,Paddy says, Well i heard the boss say he was going to sack all the cowboys,,,
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Old 03-22-2017, 10:10 AM   #12295
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The Unknown Comic, the brown bag wearing stand up comic most popularly known for his appearances on The Gong Show, passed away late yesterday afternoon after visiting the grocery store. The check-out girl had asked if he wanted paper or plastic and he made an unfortunate choice.

The eulogy will be read by The Smothers Brothers.
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Old 03-22-2017, 01:00 PM   #12296
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BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!,,,,,The Irish SAS team have dropped into Russia with orders to "take Vlaimir Putin Out",,,,,So far theyve taken him to the Pictures and last night they went Ten Pin Bowling,,,,
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Old 03-23-2017, 02:23 AM   #12297
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petvictor View Post
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!,,,,,The Irish SAS team have dropped into Russia with orders to "take Vlaimir Putin Out",,,,,So far theyve taken him to the Pictures and last night they went Ten Pin Bowling,,,,
I know a pengiun joke...
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Old 03-23-2017, 02:30 AM   #12298
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*peengoon...
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Old 03-25-2017, 05:29 PM   #12299
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Why did the condom cross the road?

He got pissed off.
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Old 03-25-2017, 08:16 PM   #12300
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An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"
She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly parted.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
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