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Old 03-05-2017, 10:44 PM   #3371
trailmaster
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Wish granted. Carol Kirkwood comes to your flat to give her weather forecast in the nude. She undresses and you are shocked by what you see. Her breasts are old and withered and sag as if she was in her 80's. Without the tons of makeup she usually uses on the telly, the skin on her face is all dry and wrinkled, and guess what: the worst of all is that she is a lesbian. She starts to chase you around your flat and you are screaming for her to get out. You run into your bedroom, but before you can lock the door Ms Kirkwood gives you a body slam and both of you tumble to the floor. She is trying to kiss you and stick her tongue in your mouth. You grab her,manage to get up and now you are pushing her away from you. She has grabbed onto you and both of you fall through your bedroom window and out into the street only to be impaled on several of the tines of a wrought iron fence.

I wish that my nose was a little shorter.

Last edited by trailmaster; 03-09-2017 at 10:43 PM..
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Old 03-11-2017, 11:08 PM   #3372
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Granted. You are now Li Ming:



And no plastic surgery for you.

I wish I could enter the minds of porn stars and use my psychic powers of persuasion to prevent them from getting horrible boob jobs or shaving their pussies without my permission.
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Old 03-16-2017, 08:36 AM   #3373
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Or sad news the new CEO of Playboy, Mr bowlinggeen has Alzheimers


I would like to kick Donald Trump in the nuts and get away with it
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Last edited by teaktop; 03-16-2017 at 08:53 AM..
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Old 03-17-2017, 04:53 AM   #3374
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Wish granted.
you sell his nuts to North Korea president and becomes famous. But he's jealous, and James Korea 007 kills you , forcing you to eat nuts with French frogs.
I wish my National Rugby team were world champion.
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Old 03-18-2017, 09:48 PM   #3375
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Wish granted. Your National Rugby team is world champion 63 million years ago. Look, Up in the sky, Oh no, What is it! Splaaaaaaaaaaaaat a 6 mile wide asteroid hits the Earth and the dinosaurs and your rugby team are crushed into almost nothing.


I wish I would get a box free in the mail and it would have a brand new computer and printer in it with Windows 7 installed.
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Old 03-18-2017, 10:05 PM   #3376
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Wish granted, but the computer is also loaded with spyware and viruses, sends your credit card info to a gambling addict in Las Vegas, and sends emails to the White House threatening a presidential assassination. You are arrested, and with all your money gone, are forced to use a public defender at your trial, and you are sentenced to life in prison in Leavenworth.

I wish I was 30 years old and a star player for the Washington Nationals.
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Old 03-19-2017, 02:27 PM   #3377
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Granted. But while going up for a rebound, you and your opponent come down hard and he falls on you and your right knee bends at a 90 degree angle to the left. Your knee is shredded like so much tissue paper that it takes three years of rehab to be able to walk without support.
OK, let's fix this. While rounding second, you trip over the bag, bending your right knee at a 90 degree angle to the left. Your knee is shredded like so much tissue paper that it takes three years of rehab to be able to walk without support.

I wish for a modicum of sanity at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
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Last edited by tygrkhat40; 03-19-2017 at 02:41 PM.. Reason: bigtrain reminded me the Nationals are a baseball team, not basketball.
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Old 03-20-2017, 08:39 PM   #3378
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Originally Posted by tygrkhat40 View Post
I wish for a modicum of sanity at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Granted. But your modicum of sanity has no impact on a hogshead of batshit crazy.
I wish to ride a dinosaur whilst playing the kazoo.
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Old 03-20-2017, 08:49 PM   #3379
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Originally Posted by loosegoose View Post
I wish to ride a dinosaur whilst playing the kazoo.
Granted. You are transported back in time with your little kazoo in your warm palm.

But you find that, unbeknown to palaeontologists, dinosaurs are both intelligent and musically sophisticated. In fact there are several dinosaur string quartets vying for top artistic credibility.



As a result, you are considered a sad, moronic lesser species and are confined to an institution - where you are subject to invasive experiments for the rest of your natural life.

I wish I could get rid of this cold, sore throat and cough I've had for a month.
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Old 03-21-2017, 11:25 AM   #3380
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Wish granted. You're digging in your vegetable garden and your hoe hits something metallic. You dig it up and it is an old style metal lamp. You hold it in your hand and rub it and out pops a genie who grants you one wish. You wish for the end of your very bad cold and cough. The genie says "wish granted" and the lamp and the genie disappear and you do too. You wake up, but something is weird. You seem kind of small and furry. Then you see others of your kind. You're a quokka on Rottnest Island 18 kilometers off the coast of the city of Perth, Australia. Quokkas don't get colds.

I wish for a new laptop with Windows 7 installed and a new printer.
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