Post your corny jokes - Page 1192

dazza2 · December 27th, 2016, 12:45 PM

December 27th, 363 days till Christmas and the bloody neighbours have got their decorations up already!!!!

**pcaca** · December 27th, 2016, 01:42 PM

Four Irishmen died yesterday: two of them were murdered, and the other two died during the reconstruction of the scene.

**captpike** · December 28th, 2016, 12:06 AM

A man at the lumber yard accidentally shears off his fingers.He runs to the hospital, where the Doctor says, "give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."The man replies, "I haven't got the fingers."The Doctor says, "what do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? We could have done microsurgery. I could have sewn them back on. Why on Earth didn't you bring the fingers?"The man replies, "I couldn't fucking pick them up!"

**captpike** · December 28th, 2016, 09:45 PM

MaxJoker · December 29th, 2016, 03:31 PM

**gedly** · December 29th, 2016, 03:56 PM

A couple were in a busy shopping center just after Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile. The wife said "Where are you, you know we have lots to do?" He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?" Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up… "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied. "Well I am in the bike shop next door to that."

**Almero** · December 29th, 2016, 04:16 PM

I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night.
He told me to f..k off and buy my own.

One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!
I'll f..k their boyfriends.

Because of my obsession with ladders, I joined Ladders Anonymous.
I am on their twelve step programme.

I've told you a million times, I never exaggerate.

Slept like a baby last night.
I kept waking up every few hours to suck on some titties.

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual Harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank . . . the dwarf."

Woke up this morning in the Police station with a right hangover. I must stop drinking when I'm on duty.

MaxJoker · December 29th, 2016, 04:20 PM

**SanteeFats** · December 29th, 2016, 04:58 PM

There is an ad running here from Victoria's Secret. Buy one bra get a second one half off. So I went into the nearest one and asked to see the models with the half off bras.
A friend posted bail.

**Almero** · December 30th, 2016, 08:19 AM

An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way...
So I moved the mirror.

It is very difficult to convince a pregnant girlfriend that you are not the person she deserves.

I just recently installed a new loft ladder I got for Christmas. Now it's time to read the instructions on how to use it.

Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3.
Step 4.

There once was a man called Dave
Who dug up a prostitutes grave
She was mouldy as shit
Minus one tit
But look at the money he saved!

December 28th, 2016, 12:06 AM	#11913
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,432 Thanked 47,316 Times in 1,164 Posts	A man at the lumber yard accidentally shears off his fingers.He runs to the hospital, where the Doctor says, "give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."The man replies, "I haven't got the fingers."The Doctor says, "what do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? We could have done microsurgery. I could have sewn them back on. Why on Earth didn't you bring the fingers?"The man replies, "I couldn't fucking pick them up!" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 28th, 2016, 09:45 PM	#11914
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,432 Thanked 47,316 Times in 1,164 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 29th, 2016, 03:31 PM	#11915
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,895 Times in 69,067 Posts	__________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 29th, 2016, 04:16 PM	#11917
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,346 Times in 1,425 Posts	I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to f..k off and buy my own. One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!! I'll f..k their boyfriends. Because of my obsession with ladders, I joined Ladders Anonymous. I am on their twelve step programme. I've told you a million times, I never exaggerate. Slept like a baby last night. I kept waking up every few hours to suck on some titties. Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual Harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank . . . the dwarf." Woke up this morning in the Police station with a right hangover. I must stop drinking when I'm on duty. Last edited by Almero; December 29th, 2016 at 05:25 PM..

December 29th, 2016, 04:20 PM	#11918
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,895 Times in 69,067 Posts	Just nobody tell palo5 about this , or he`ll slap the backs of my legs __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 27th, 2016, 12:45 PM	#11911
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,854 Times in 189 Posts	December 27th, 363 days till Christmas and the bloody neighbours have got their decorations up already!!!!

December 27th, 2016, 01:42 PM	#11912
pcaca Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Celebes island rain forest Posts: 8,315 Thanks: 95,772 Thanked 138,780 Times in 8,359 Posts	Four Irishmen died yesterday: two of them were murdered, and the other two died during the reconstruction of the scene.

December 29th, 2016, 03:56 PM	#11916
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,903 Thanked 69,345 Times in 3,173 Posts	A couple were in a busy shopping center just after Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile. The wife said "Where are you, you know we have lots to do?" He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?" Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up… "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied. "Well I am in the bike shop next door to that."

December 29th, 2016, 04:58 PM	#11919
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,915 Thanks: 282,079 Thanked 815,393 Times in 60,962 Posts	There is an ad running here from Victoria's Secret. Buy one bra get a second one half off. So I went into the nearest one and asked to see the models with the half off bras. A friend posted bail.

December 30th, 2016, 08:19 AM	#11920
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,346 Times in 1,425 Posts	An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way... So I moved the mirror. It is very difficult to convince a pregnant girlfriend that you are not the person she deserves. I just recently installed a new loft ladder I got for Christmas. Now it's time to read the instructions on how to use it. Step 1. Step 2. Step 3. Step 4. There once was a man called Dave Who dug up a prostitutes grave She was mouldy as shit Minus one tit But look at the money he saved! Last edited by Almero; December 30th, 2016 at 08:40 AM..