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Old 08-14-2018, 05:18 PM   #13951
photoflex
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Can you imagine how many ships must have sunk before champagne was first produced in 1668?
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Old 08-14-2018, 09:09 PM   #13952
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My dreams of becoming a neurosurgeon were shattered when my exam results forced me into proctology.

Everything has turned to shit.
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Old 08-14-2018, 09:58 PM   #13953
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bp666 View Post
My dreams of becoming a neurosurgeon were shattered when my exam results forced me into proctology.
You must have really bunged it up.
Don't worry, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
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Old 08-14-2018, 10:03 PM   #13954
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gmcbee View Post
You must have really bunged it up.
Don't worry, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
There is nothing wrong by starting at the bottom.
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Old 08-14-2018, 10:32 PM   #13955
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Big Grin

Three men find a magic lamp: a black man, a Mexican, and a white man. They rub it and a genie comes out and says, "Since there are three of you, I will give you one wish each." The black man says, "I want me and all of my brothas to live in Africa where no one will bother us." Poof! All blacks were instantly teleported to Africa. The Mexican says, "I want me and all of my hombres to be back in Mexico." Poof! All Mexicans are back in Mexico.

The white man says, "So you're telling me all the niggers are back in Africa, and all the Spics are back in Mexico? I'll have a Coke."
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Old 08-15-2018, 02:33 AM   #13956
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Old 08-15-2018, 04:46 PM   #13957
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What fish goes best with custard ? ,

A jelly fish.


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Old 08-15-2018, 08:39 PM   #13958
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I really liked my history professor and we even dated for a while but ending up breaking up. She just couldn't let go of the past.
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Old 08-15-2018, 11:56 PM   #13959
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Ice Cream Some Day

A very, very elderly couple are sitting around the house one day...the old man smoking a pipe while his wife is knitting. Suddenly the old wife speaks up. "Henry! You know what I'd like, Henry? I'd like some ice cream. Go get me some ice cream, Henry!" So Henry slowly gets up and grabs his hat and jacket. "But, Henry...I don't want just ice cream. I want a sundae. Can you remember that, Henry? You'd better write it down." Grumbling, Henry grabs his keys. "Oh, and Henry...I want one scoop of vanilla and one scoop of chocolate. Can you remember that, Henry? Or should I write it down?" So Henry says, "No, no,no...I've got it. A sundae with chocolate and vanilla ice cream." Then the old wife says, "Oh...and Henry, I also want whipped cream and sprinkles. Don't forget the sprinkles, Henry. You should write all this down..." And Henry says, "No, I have it. A sundae with chocolate and vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and sprinkles." So Henry heads for the front door. As he's walking out the old wife yells, "And don't forget the nuts Henry!"
An hour goes by, and the old man returns, carrying a paper bag. He puts it down in front of his wife. She looks inside, and there are four bagels in there. So the old woman says, " I knew it. I knew you'd forget. Look! No cream cheese!!"
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Old 08-16-2018, 03:12 AM   #13960
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