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Old 08-08-2018, 01:54 PM   #13901
trailmaster
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A man goes to his best friend's house to watch the hockey game. At the end of the first period the man says to his friend, "You know, we've been friends for a long time and I've always wanted to tell you this, but I really want to fuck your wife." The friend thinks for a moment before replying, "Ok. You can fuck my wife, but promise me one thing. You MUST NOT go down on her." The man says ok, goes upstairs and fucks his friend's wife, but no matter how hard he tries, he can't resist the urge to go down on her. He comes back just as the second period is starting and says to his friend, "Man, I'm really sorry, but I couldn't resist the urge to do down on your wife. The weirdest thing happened when I did it though... I got a mouth full of rice." The friend laughs and says, "That wasn't rice, she's been dead for a month!!!"
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Old 08-08-2018, 03:26 PM   #13902
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My parrot died yesterday. He was 12 years old and very obese.

I thought I'd be upset but to be honest it's a weight off my shoulders.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:41 PM   #13903
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Red face "And that`s how corny this post waaaaaaaaaaas"

What`s an astronauts favourite board game ? ,

Moon- Opoly.

Did you hear about the Circus fire ? ,

It was intense.

Why can't a nose be twelve inches long ? ,

Because it`d be a foot
.

What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames ? ,

A blazer
.



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Old 08-08-2018, 11:37 PM   #13904
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Statistics show that after playing Russian roulette, 5 out of 6 people said they enjoyed the game.
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Old 08-09-2018, 03:06 PM   #13905
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The wife came in to the lounge wearing not very much whilst I was watching the Grand Prix.

"Fancy taking me upstairs and fucking me senseless?" She asks.

"Not just now." I reply. "I'm watching the motor racing."

"You do realise you can record it"

"Ok you grab the camcorder I'll be up when the Grand Prix has finished"

Last edited by PJayBr; 08-09-2018 at 05:44 PM..
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Old 08-09-2018, 03:23 PM   #13906
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What do you call a Pig that does Karate ? ,

A pork chop
.

When is a cigar like fish ? ,

When it`s smoked.

I have two mouths , five eyes and three ears , what am I ? ,

Bloody ugly.


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Old 08-10-2018, 12:57 AM   #13907
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Why do gypsies walk funny?

A: Because they have crystal balls.
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Old 08-11-2018, 03:08 PM   #13908
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Lost all my hair aged eighteen ,

What a card game that was !
.


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Old 08-11-2018, 03:48 PM   #13909
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Every kids learned of the birds and the bees from their parents

But I was the only kid whose parents reenacted it
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:11 PM   #13910
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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