Post your corny jokes - Page 1331

**mrfixit** · April 15th, 2018, 04:38 PM

Two women visiting an art exhibition were staring intently at a painting entitled “Home for Lunch”. The painting was of three naked black men sitting on a park bench. What puzzled the women was that the men on either end of the bench had black p.nises, but the man in the middle had a pink p.nis.
Just then the artist happened to walk by, so the women decided to ask him for an explanation.
“We don’t quite understand the painting of the black men on the bench,” they said. “Why does the man in the middle have a pink p.nis?”
“Oh, dear!” laughed the artist. “I’m afraid you have misinterpreted the picture. You see, the three men are not African Americans, they’re coal miners, and the man in the middle went ‘Home for Lunch’.”

**mrfixit** · April 15th, 2018, 06:43 PM

A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year-old scotch. Believing that the customer would not be able to tell the difference, the bartender poured him a shot of cheap three-year-old house scotch.
The man took a sip before spitting it out on the bar. “I’m not drinking this!” he complained. “This is cheap three-year-old scotch. Now give me the good twelve-year-old scotch that I asked for!”
Still looking to cut corners, the bartender poured him a shot of a moderate six-year-old scotch.
The man took a sip before once again spitting it out on the bar. “This is just a six-year-old scotch,” he moaned. “I’m not paying for this! Now will you give me the twelve-year-old scotch I ordered?”
The bartender finally relented, and served the man his best quality twelve-year-old scotch.
The entire episode had been witnessed by an old drunk at the other end of the bar. He now walked up to the selective scotch drinker, put a glass down in front of him and asked: “What do you think of this?”
The scotch expert took a sip of the golden liquid and spat it out violently on the bar. “That’s disgusting!” he said. “It tastes like piss!”
“It is,” replied the old drunk. “Now tell me how old I am.”

**seany65** · April 16th, 2018, 09:54 PM

What's the Orchestra violinist's favourite game?

Haydn seek.

What's the Punjabi Orchestra violinist's favourite game?

Haydn Sikh.

What did the Orchestra conductor teach his dog to not do?

Bach.

When the Orchestra Pianist ran out of food, what did she take with her to remind her of what she needed to buy?

A Chopin-Liszt.

**fatrat1** · April 17th, 2018, 09:05 AM

Name the artist with the brown finger?

A. Picasso.

**fatrat1** · April 17th, 2018, 09:06 AM

What have the Star Ship Enterprise & Andrex Toilet Paper got in common?

A. They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

**fatrat1** · April 17th, 2018, 09:07 AM

Jesus walks into a hotel, bangs some nails on the reception desk and says can you put me up for the night.

**bloke57** · April 17th, 2018, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seany65

What's the Orchestra violinist's favourite game?

Haydn seek.

When the Orchestra Pianist ran out of food, what did she take with her to remind her of what she needed to buy?

A Chopin-Liszt.

Pause!

I can't Handel any more music jokes.

**Mal Hombre** · April 17th, 2018, 01:31 PM

There's no going Bach now..

**bloke57** · April 17th, 2018, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

There's no going Bach now..

The Liszt goes on...

**Mal Hombre** · April 17th, 2018, 01:41 PM

Can't Handel any more ? Just lie back and think of Britten..

April 15th, 2018, 04:38 PM	#13301
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,812 Times in 9,416 Posts	Two women visiting an art exhibition were staring intently at a painting entitled “Home for Lunch”. The painting was of three naked black men sitting on a park bench. What puzzled the women was that the men on either end of the bench had black p.nises, but the man in the middle had a pink p.nis. Just then the artist happened to walk by, so the women decided to ask him for an explanation. “We don’t quite understand the painting of the black men on the bench,” they said. “Why does the man in the middle have a pink p.nis?” “Oh, dear!” laughed the artist. “I’m afraid you have misinterpreted the picture. You see, the three men are not African Americans, they’re coal miners, and the man in the middle went ‘Home for Lunch’.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 15th, 2018, 06:43 PM	#13302
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,812 Times in 9,416 Posts	A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year-old scotch. Believing that the customer would not be able to tell the difference, the bartender poured him a shot of cheap three-year-old house scotch. The man took a sip before spitting it out on the bar. “I’m not drinking this!” he complained. “This is cheap three-year-old scotch. Now give me the good twelve-year-old scotch that I asked for!” Still looking to cut corners, the bartender poured him a shot of a moderate six-year-old scotch. The man took a sip before once again spitting it out on the bar. “This is just a six-year-old scotch,” he moaned. “I’m not paying for this! Now will you give me the twelve-year-old scotch I ordered?” The bartender finally relented, and served the man his best quality twelve-year-old scotch. The entire episode had been witnessed by an old drunk at the other end of the bar. He now walked up to the selective scotch drinker, put a glass down in front of him and asked: “What do you think of this?” The scotch expert took a sip of the golden liquid and spat it out violently on the bar. “That’s disgusting!” he said. “It tastes like piss!” “It is,” replied the old drunk. “Now tell me how old I am.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 16th, 2018, 09:54 PM	#13303
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,651 Thanks: 80,415 Thanked 32,730 Times in 3,527 Posts	What's the Orchestra violinist's favourite game? Haydn seek. What's the Punjabi Orchestra violinist's favourite game? Haydn Sikh. What did the Orchestra conductor teach his dog to not do? Bach. When the Orchestra Pianist ran out of food, what did she take with her to remind her of what she needed to buy? A Chopin-Liszt. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

April 17th, 2018, 09:05 AM	#13304
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	Name the artist with the brown finger? A. Picasso. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 17th, 2018, 09:06 AM	#13305
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	What have the Star Ship Enterprise & Andrex Toilet Paper got in common? A. They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 17th, 2018, 09:07 AM	#13306
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	Jesus walks into a hotel, bangs some nails on the reception desk and says can you put me up for the night. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 17th, 2018, 01:31 PM	#13308
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,635 Thanked 855,681 Times in 57,565 Posts	There's no going Bach now.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 17th, 2018, 01:41 PM	#13310
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,635 Thanked 855,681 Times in 57,565 Posts	Can't Handel any more ? Just lie back and think of Britten.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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