Post your corny jokes - Page 1289

**AmateurEmale** · December 10th, 2017, 11:53 PM

Here are three bands that should never, ever play any concert venue or record any music:

Michael Bolt-Thrower (combination of jazz and death metal)
Motley Cure (anagram of original name, no umlauts...)
Pantera Bread (The Great Southern Breadkill?)

-----

Here is a great name for a cover band who excel at playing '80s hard rock:

Widesnake (male enhancement necessary for the extra girth...)

Gin&Tonic · December 12th, 2017, 01:22 PM

I called next door to ask the old lady that lives there how she was getting on with her recently fitted stair-lift. “I’m not happy” she replied. ....”In fact, it’s driving me up the wall”

Choncron · December 12th, 2017, 01:55 PM

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

**rondori** · December 12th, 2017, 04:32 PM

Just an obscure reference to my childhood:

**AmateurEmale** · December 12th, 2017, 10:07 PM

Speaking of Donald Trump:

Q. What are Donald Trump's favorite fantasy creatures?

A. The troll and the Grand Dragon...

**effCup** · December 13th, 2017, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmateurEmale

Q. What are Donald Trump's favorite fantasy creatures?

Easy: himself.

Though it is singular.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmateurEmale

A. The troll

As I was saying...

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmateurEmale

and the Grand Dragon...

**AmateurEmale** · December 13th, 2017, 03:05 AM

@effCup: What I meant was that the Russian trolls hacked the election so that he could win, and a few Grand Dragons from you-know-what-organization [it starts with "Ku"...] endorsed Donald Trump. (David Duke and Thomas Robb are two of these alt-right individuals.)

-----

Q. What happens when the Democratic candidate defeats Roy Moore?

A. The American people will then hear about Roy less...

[True story; my parents were watching FOX News, and they reported that Roy was officially beaten by the Democrat.]

**effCup** · December 13th, 2017, 05:17 AM

Yeah, my "joke" wasn't quite the same as yours. I was saying: his favourite person is himself, but it's a fantasy not his real self. & he's a (e.g. twit) troll. /shrug/

**photoflex** · December 16th, 2017, 05:28 PM

Three Holy Men and a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were sitting around drinking coffee.
Someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided that each would find a bear and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling and had various bandages on his body and limbs, spoke first.
Well, he said,'I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear came after me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.'
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair and had an IV drip.
'I went out and found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from the Bible!
But that bear came after me. We wrestled down one hill, until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision might not have been the best way to start..."

**ball7** · December 16th, 2017, 05:39 PM

Barack Obama's oldest daughter is living the teenage life.
She smokes, drinks, french kisses boys and has joined the KKK

December 12th, 2017, 01:55 PM	#12883
Choncron Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 15 Thanks: 250 Thanked 80 Times in 13 Posts	What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck. __________________ "Nothing can make her, the devil take her"

December 12th, 2017, 04:32 PM	#12884
rondori Vintage Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: New Mexico Posts: 561 Thanks: 36,148 Thanked 14,026 Times in 536 Posts	Just an obscure reference to my childhood: __________________ I'm OK, you're UKE: all cultures are multicultural, all races are multiracial. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 13th, 2017, 03:05 AM	#12887
AmateurEmale Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: The 513 Posts: 1,825 Thanks: 16,644 Thanked 15,799 Times in 1,755 Posts	Clarification of what I said @effCup: What I meant was that the Russian trolls hacked the election so that he could win, and a few Grand Dragons from you-know-what-organization [it starts with "Ku"...] endorsed Donald Trump. (David Duke and Thomas Robb are two of these alt-right individuals.) ----- Q. What happens when the Democratic candidate defeats Roy Moore? A. The American people will then hear about Roy less... [True story; my parents were watching FOX News, and they reported that Roy was officially beaten by the Democrat.]

December 16th, 2017, 05:28 PM	#12889
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,584 Thanks: 37,955 Thanked 127,852 Times in 3,571 Posts	Three Holy Men and a Bear A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were sitting around drinking coffee. Someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided that each would find a bear and attempt to convert it to their religion. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling and had various bandages on his body and limbs, spoke first. Well, he said,'I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear came after me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.' Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair and had an IV drip. 'I went out and found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from the Bible! But that bear came after me. We wrestled down one hill, until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision might not have been the best way to start..." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

December 10th, 2017, 11:53 PM	#12881
AmateurEmale Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: The 513 Posts: 1,825 Thanks: 16,644 Thanked 15,799 Times in 1,755 Posts	Here are three bands that should never, ever play any concert venue or record any music: Michael Bolt-Thrower (combination of jazz and death metal) Motley Cure (anagram of original name, no umlauts...) Pantera Bread (The Great Southern Breadkill?) ----- Here is a great name for a cover band who excel at playing '80s hard rock: Widesnake (male enhancement necessary for the extra girth...)

December 12th, 2017, 01:22 PM	#12882
Gin&Tonic Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 49 Thanks: 254 Thanked 528 Times in 42 Posts	I called next door to ask the old lady that lives there how she was getting on with her recently fitted stair-lift. “I’m not happy” she replied. ....”In fact, it’s driving me up the wall”

December 12th, 2017, 10:07 PM	#12885
AmateurEmale Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: The 513 Posts: 1,825 Thanks: 16,644 Thanked 15,799 Times in 1,755 Posts	Speaking of Donald Trump: Q. What are Donald Trump's favorite fantasy creatures? A. The troll and the Grand Dragon...

December 13th, 2017, 05:17 AM	#12888
effCup *Vintage Idiot* Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: History Posts: 22,146 Thanks: 226,803 Thanked 357,081 Times in 21,641 Posts	Yeah, my "joke" wasn't quite the same as yours. I was saying: his favourite person is himself, but it's a fantasy not his real self. & he's a (e.g. twit) troll. /shrug/

December 16th, 2017, 05:39 PM	#12890
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,713 Thanks: 66,359 Thanked 210,217 Times in 15,753 Posts	Barack Obama's oldest daughter is living the teenage life. She smokes, drinks, french kisses boys and has joined the KKK