Post your corny jokes - Page 1237

**anothercustom** · June 6th, 2017, 10:30 PM

I was at a funeral yesterday and asked the vicar for the WiFi password.

"Have some respect for the dead!" he said.

I replied "Is that all in lower case?"

**anothercustom** · June 7th, 2017, 10:29 AM

Son: "Dad, what's an alcoholic?"
Dad: "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
Son: "But Dad, I only see two."

**Staffsyeoman** · June 7th, 2017, 11:49 AM

Help, I'm stuck in a lift with Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott. She can't work out the floor number and he won't press the button.

**Isegrim** · June 7th, 2017, 05:00 PM

There are obviously some points of severe disagreement between the state and the church:

... ask a public prosecutor about the love between father and son and he will call it: incest

... ask a catholic priest about the same thing and he will call it: the Holy Spirit

**anothercustom** · June 7th, 2017, 08:26 PM

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

**ball7** · June 7th, 2017, 09:46 PM

Yesterday, I went to a show.
The main attraction was a porn star who also doubled as a ventriloquist.
She wasn't very good, both her lips kept moving.

**ball7** · June 7th, 2017, 09:50 PM

Last night, I found out that I was well hung.

It was the exact same moment they placed the noose around my neck

**seany65** · June 7th, 2017, 09:56 PM

The young hen went to the chicken school's careers advisor, and she said:

"I don't want to do what all the other girls do, I want to be different."

The careers advisor thought for a few moments and said:

"How about being a bricklayer?"

The young Hen said:

"Feck off, have you seen the size of those things?"

.

If any actual comedians can turn this into a funny joke, then please feel free.

**ball7** · June 7th, 2017, 10:13 PM

Some people claim that everybody is created equal.

White -black-asian.
That is true, but let us not speak of the Orange skinned.

**ball7** · June 7th, 2017, 10:14 PM

Yesterday, I skinned an orange.
Now I'm doing life - due to skinning a President

June 7th, 2017, 09:56 PM	#12368
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,651 Thanks: 80,415 Thanked 32,734 Times in 3,527 Posts	The young hen went to the chicken school's careers advisor, and she said: "I don't want to do what all the other girls do, I want to be different." The careers advisor thought for a few moments and said: "How about being a bricklayer?" The young Hen said: "Feck off, have you seen the size of those things?" . If any actual comedians can turn this into a funny joke, then please feel free. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

June 6th, 2017, 10:30 PM	#12361
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,777 Times in 5,161 Posts	I was at a funeral yesterday and asked the vicar for the WiFi password. "Have some respect for the dead!" he said. I replied "Is that all in lower case?"

June 7th, 2017, 10:29 AM	#12362
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,777 Times in 5,161 Posts	Son: "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" Dad: "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight." Son: "But Dad, I only see two."

June 7th, 2017, 11:49 AM	#12363
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,269 Thanks: 34,183 Thanked 26,758 Times in 2,160 Posts	Help, I'm stuck in a lift with Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott. She can't work out the floor number and he won't press the button.

June 7th, 2017, 05:00 PM	#12364
Isegrim Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Posts: 1,094 Thanks: 8,200 Thanked 11,679 Times in 1,099 Posts	There are obviously some points of severe disagreement between the state and the church: ... ask a public prosecutor about the love between father and son and he will call it: incest ... ask a catholic priest about the same thing and he will call it: the Holy Spirit

June 7th, 2017, 08:26 PM	#12365
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,777 Times in 5,161 Posts	Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

June 7th, 2017, 09:46 PM	#12366
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,697 Thanks: 66,303 Thanked 210,013 Times in 15,737 Posts	Yesterday, I went to a show. The main attraction was a porn star who also doubled as a ventriloquist. She wasn't very good, both her lips kept moving.

June 7th, 2017, 09:50 PM	#12367
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,697 Thanks: 66,303 Thanked 210,013 Times in 15,737 Posts	Last night, I found out that I was well hung. It was the exact same moment they placed the noose around my neck

June 7th, 2017, 10:13 PM	#12369
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,697 Thanks: 66,303 Thanked 210,013 Times in 15,737 Posts	Some people claim that everybody is created equal. White -black-asian. That is true, but let us not speak of the Orange skinned.

June 7th, 2017, 10:14 PM	#12370
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,697 Thanks: 66,303 Thanked 210,013 Times in 15,737 Posts	Yesterday, I skinned an orange. Now I'm doing life - due to skinning a President