Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 9

**rockernut** · October 14th, 2013, 07:04 PM

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

**sweatyhat** · October 14th, 2013, 07:14 PM

I was a bit disappointed when the hands free kit I ordered from Saudi Arabia arrived.
It was a big knife

It's being said that a lot of the time, women fake orgasms.
The ones I shag don't even bother to do that, they just cry and scream for help.

I have massive respect for people who are able to make fun of their own, crippling illnesses.
Much like this African kid I saw when i visited his village, he was malarious.

MaxJoker · October 15th, 2013, 04:01 PM

Kate McCann was on the news today saying "We're not the ones who have done something wrong here"

Sorry Kate, but when Josef Fritzl can look after his kids better than you can, you shouldn't make those claims.

That Crimewatch program last night about Madeleine McCann has just reminded me of something.

She needs feeding.

I really hope little Maddie arrives home safe and unharmed.

Should do as i made sure to double bubble wrap her first.

noodlesoup · October 17th, 2013, 04:03 AM

I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and stored in the freezer.

Estreeter · October 17th, 2013, 04:38 PM

Two mates were having a few beers at the pub.
"Geez, there are some spastics and lunatics on the road tonight" said the first.

"Yeah, I know", replied the second,
"I've ran over 6 already tonight."

**rockernut** · October 17th, 2013, 04:50 PM

I used to be into sadism, necrophilia and beastiality.

But I gave it up 'cos I always felt I was flogging a dead horse.

**rockernut** · October 17th, 2013, 04:53 PM

I went out with a girl last week, she told me she wanted to be 'treated like a Princess'

So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.

MaxJoker · October 18th, 2013, 05:09 PM

A Pakistani family got on my bus earlier carrying shopping bags full of rotting fish.

They fcuking stunk.

But fortunately the fish helped mask most of the smell.

**luddite** · October 19th, 2013, 08:13 AM

On my first night in town after 6 months in the deep woods cutting down trees, all I wanted was a woman, and the only women in town that were available were at the house of ill repute.
I insisted on the toughest bitch they had.
I went into the room, and put a six-pack, a condom, ear plugs, and a nose plug on the night table. The hooker looked at them and said "If you want anything kinky. it'll cost extra"
"No" I said, "Just straight sex"
"What you gonna do with those?" she asked, as she got down on all fours.
"Two things that put me off sex are the sound of a screaming woman and the smell of burning rubber" I said as I pulled the condom on, "Why are you waving your ass in the air, I said I wanted straight sex "
"I thought you might want to open those beers"

Estreeter · October 19th, 2013, 12:21 PM

Three vampires walk into a pub.

First Vampire orders a blood on the rocks.

Second vampire orders a double blood.

The third vampire asks just for a mug of hot water.

"Don't you want blood like your mates do?" asks the bartender.

The third vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea"

October 14th, 2013, 07:14 PM	#82
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,901 Times in 10,563 Posts	I was a bit disappointed when the hands free kit I ordered from Saudi Arabia arrived. It was a big knife It's being said that a lot of the time, women fake orgasms. The ones I shag don't even bother to do that, they just cry and scream for help. I have massive respect for people who are able to make fun of their own, crippling illnesses. Much like this African kid I saw when i visited his village, he was malarious. __________________

October 15th, 2013, 04:01 PM	#83
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,511 Times in 69,067 Posts	Kate McCann was on the news today saying "We're not the ones who have done something wrong here" Sorry Kate, but when Josef Fritzl can look after his kids better than you can, you shouldn't make those claims. That Crimewatch program last night about Madeleine McCann has just reminded me of something. She needs feeding. I really hope little Maddie arrives home safe and unharmed. Should do as i made sure to double bubble wrap her first. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 17th, 2013, 04:03 AM	#84
noodlesoup Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Washington State Posts: 147 Thanks: 3,946 Thanked 1,841 Times in 146 Posts	I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and stored in the freezer. __________________ "There are always possibilities." ~ Mr. Spock

October 17th, 2013, 04:38 PM	#85
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,106 Thanks: 449,599 Thanked 896,728 Times in 60,308 Posts	Two mates were having a few beers at the pub. "Geez, there are some spastics and lunatics on the road tonight" said the first. "Yeah, I know", replied the second, "I've ran over 6 already tonight." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 18th, 2013, 05:09 PM	#88
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,511 Times in 69,067 Posts	Hey calm down calm down, Satan herself told me this joke was more than mild. A Pakistani family got on my bus earlier carrying shopping bags full of rotting fish. They fcuking stunk. But fortunately the fish helped mask most of the smell. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 14th, 2013, 07:04 PM	#81
rockernut Veteran Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 6,958 Thanks: 69,662 Thanked 73,320 Times in 6,969 Posts	Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

October 17th, 2013, 04:50 PM	#86
rockernut Veteran Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 6,958 Thanks: 69,662 Thanked 73,320 Times in 6,969 Posts	I used to be into sadism, necrophilia and beastiality. But I gave it up 'cos I always felt I was flogging a dead horse.

October 17th, 2013, 04:53 PM	#87
rockernut Veteran Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 6,958 Thanks: 69,662 Thanked 73,320 Times in 6,969 Posts	I went out with a girl last week, she told me she wanted to be 'treated like a Princess' So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.

October 19th, 2013, 08:13 AM	#89
luddite Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: N.D.G. Posts: 1,375 Thanks: 104,140 Thanked 12,281 Times in 1,336 Posts	On my first night in town after 6 months in the deep woods cutting down trees, all I wanted was a woman, and the only women in town that were available were at the house of ill repute. I insisted on the toughest bitch they had. I went into the room, and put a six-pack, a condom, ear plugs, and a nose plug on the night table. The hooker looked at them and said "If you want anything kinky. it'll cost extra" "No" I said, "Just straight sex" "What you gonna do with those?" she asked, as she got down on all fours. "Two things that put me off sex are the sound of a screaming woman and the smell of burning rubber" I said as I pulled the condom on, "Why are you waving your ass in the air, I said I wanted straight sex " "I thought you might want to open those beers" __________________ *Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the arabs were eating their dates...*

October 19th, 2013, 12:21 PM	#90
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,106 Thanks: 449,599 Thanked 896,728 Times in 60,308 Posts	Three vampires walk into a pub. First Vampire orders a blood on the rocks. Second vampire orders a double blood. The third vampire asks just for a mug of hot water. "Don't you want blood like your mates do?" asks the bartender. The third vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode